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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's broken half of the things I own.

41 replies

verticalstripes · 09/03/2015 23:34

I got back to my grans house in the end. He begged and pleaded with me not to live in that area so in the end I just agreed, but said that if I did he had to drive my things back here as I couldn't afford a removal company over that distance. He agreed and said he would drive my things to my grans house. When they arrived a welsh dresser was broken, an old steamer trunk I have had the hinges snapped off, a load of my clothes were ruined too. I had a lot of sentimental things there that are missing like a pair of designer sunglasses that were a gift and very old cat ornament my granddad gave to me Sad Also my art things (which are expensive to replace) and a single bed that was mine. He still has all my kitchen things, a lot of clothes, he keeps saying he has emptied the house but he hasn't and what I did get back was broken. He just left it in the yard and as I went through it I sat and cried. When I ask him about the things he says I am lying and things like "why the fuck would I want your stuff" but I know they never arrived here and so does my family because they helped moved the things for me.

I didn't speak to him when he came because he told me he didn't even want to see me in a message. So I went outside, picked up the cat carrier and then went back in to settle the cat with some food and water. After he left he started sending nasty messages, first was sweary and saying I didn't even effing speak to him. I said "I thought you didn't want me to" because of what he had said before. After that he started sending lots of horrible messages. Some were really really personal, about my body and things and I got quiet upset. They were so hurtful it made me feel embarrassed to have been near him and scared that if I ever get another partner they will think the same. Then he was calling me cheap, nasty etc and still accusing me of cheating on him but I never did and I don't know why he thinks I did or who he thinks I did with Sad. He has been making up that people in that area have said bad things about me, but he doesn't realise I speak to them and know that they haven't. I think he is trying to make me scared to go back.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Guiltypleasures001 · 09/03/2015 23:41

Phone the police lovely and report him for breaking your stuff and withholding the rest of it, oh and show them the texts as well it's harassment

TheSilveryPussycat · 09/03/2015 23:44

They are just things. Look at them, take the memories from them and keep them safe in your mind. Then let their mortal remains go. Even in the most uneventful life, clothes wear out, ornaments break, I am an old gimmer so know this! Even so, I understand how painful it must be Sad

The main thing is you and the cat are away from him.

Never believe a word he says nor rely on him in any way from now on.

TheSilveryPussycat · 09/03/2015 23:45

Although pleasures has a good plan of action as well - x-post

Iflyaway · 09/03/2015 23:51

This man is SO TOXIC, you have to do everything in your power to get him out of your life.

And yes, if it involves the police, so be it.

You deserve so much better! Start by learning to live by yourself (or grandparents) without him.

Iflyaway · 09/03/2015 23:53

Oh, and breaking your stuff shows you what he thinks of you.

You will be next in line.

I speak from experience..........

cozietoesie · 09/03/2015 23:58

I've been there - and thay may only be 'things' but when they're of value in some way, boy does it sting. I invented a stratagem given that I had no realistic legal recourse. It was called 'the Fire'.

'They were destroyed in the Fire'.

'I lost them in The Fire'

And surprisingly it works if you keep repeating it to yourself.

You got out and your cat got out.

For the rest - stuff him. (And the fire.)

Original poster
verticalstripes · 10/03/2015 00:10

I'm not usually so bitter but maybe I could pretend he was lost in the fire too cozietoesies.

It hurts really bad that he would do this though. I don't know how he could behave like that. I wish he could just have been civil. The ornament was a present because my grandad knew I had always loved the cat ornament since I was a child. He hid it in a replacement air mattress foot pump box and I thought that was what he got me for my birthday (I was 21), until he started laughing and said open it. I've treasured it since he gave it to me and for some reason feel really guilty that I didn't take better care of it and I haven't had it that long and already it's either lost, stolen or damaged.

OP posts:
AlpacaMyBags · 10/03/2015 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notmeagain1 · 10/03/2015 00:27

You saw his true colprs come out. That was/is the real him. you are well to be rid of him. Dont go back after your other things without a police escort, and please dont get back with him. As posted above you will be the next broken item. Good luck.

cozietoesie · 10/03/2015 00:31

Yes - it's gone. Acknowledge that and write down your memories of it.

(Sorry - laptop battery fade. I'll have to come back,)

Original poster
verticalstripes · 10/03/2015 00:42

I will never get back with him Notmeagain1. I'm scared of him and how quickly he changed. I'm scared of the excuses he keeps making for his behavior hours after sending more horrible messages. I just hope nobody else has to go through this or worse because of him. I was very lucky to get out when I did.

OP posts:
FabULouse · 10/03/2015 00:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SolidGoldBrass · 10/03/2015 00:54

Please do involve the police. You might even be able to get him at least arrested for causing criminal damage, even if he doesn't get prosecuted. Haven't read your previous threads but unless you have children with this man, cut him out of your life completely and inform him that if he ever makes any attempt to contact you again you press charges for harassment.
What an inadequate, obnoxious shitbag he is.

cozietoesie · 10/03/2015 01:00

Back.

Things are the very devil - their loss does hurt when they're of value for some reason - but cast them from you. You and the cat escaped him and that's the important thing.

He's a .......very bad word. He's sending you extremely foul messages ? Get rid of him directly. No more contact - no nothing.

It's not you - it's he who has an issue. (Actually multiple issues but it's late at night to discuss that.)

tallwivglasses · 10/03/2015 02:01

Ultimately, they're just things. I've lost everything and had to start again a couple of times. You have the memory of them, that's a comfort. No point in letting it be a niggle all through your future. You're moving on Smile

HexBramble · 10/03/2015 03:06

Vertical, I'm so relieved you're out of there. You and your cat are safe, you need to remember that.

Definitely show the Police his texts, and cease contact.

I'm very, very relieved to hear you're out of there, you were in danger.

Vivacia · 10/03/2015 06:47

I am so sorry that this has happened, but for weeks now you've been starting threads and been told again and again to involve the police. He hasn't just changed. From what you've said he has been abusive and dangerous for a long, long time.

Be thankful that you are safe and had somewhere to go. Recognise how strong and brave you have been to escape.

currentnameinuse · 10/03/2015 07:01

I agree police. Otherwise he will never stop. He is getting worse. And you shouldn't have to move to where he says you are. If you wanted to live locally then that is what you should have done.

Whocansay · 10/03/2015 07:28

I'm really sorry he has done this to you. But getting rid of him is priceless. What an utter bastard. And I agree with the others that you should speak to the police.

Flowers
however · 10/03/2015 07:36

Don't engage with him. He's broken your stuff. He hasn't broken you.

nozzz · 10/03/2015 07:39

Have you informed the police OP?

Minniepinnie2 · 10/03/2015 08:01

My dad was in a relationship with a woman and he wanted to end it. Mit just wasn't working, no abuse or anything. She had a key to his house and the day after they broke up he was out, she let herself in and ripped up all his clothes. My dad called the police who said to call her and explain he has spoken to them and if she didn't reimburse him they would pay her a visit.

I would definetly contact the police. I'm glad you are safe now x

Sortmylifeout · 10/03/2015 08:40

He is acting out of anger now and he can't believe you had the audacity to leave him. He won't go quietly.

He may well start bombarding you with messages about how sorry he is, he doesn't know what came over him, he's a broken man etc.

Then he'll ask to be friends, meet up just for coffee.

Then he'll be abusive and threatening again if you don't respond in the way he wants.

It's the pattern for these men I'm afraid. When I first came on here I was in a similar situation. Fortunately everyone here was several steps ahead of me and warned me what would happen and it did. I called 101 and the police came straight away and took it all very seriously.

At least you are away and safe and so is your cat. I think you did the right thing by moving away from the area.

ZombieApocalypse · 10/03/2015 08:44

vertical I'm putting another vote in for 'call the police'. Please do it.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/03/2015 09:30

Another one urging you to get police involvement. With hindsight it was a mistake to entrust your possessions to him. Abusive people are dangerous, destructive and cannot be trusted. But you should report the malicious damage and especially the threats. It's very serious