feel like I've been thrown back to the fifties. Rage.

[bonelope]

A bit of a rant but also I'm wondering, AIBU?
Husband went out after work last night until about midnight. This is all fine as it had been planned for ages and he rarely goes out and never gets too drunk. I happily agreed to stay home with DS 4yrs and as Friday is my day off it was an all day thing.
On Friday we took it easy in the morning after a very busy week. I admit I didn't do much around the house but instead played with DS and watched a bit of telly until about 11. From 11 onwards our day was very busy with swimming lessons and other family errands. We got home around 5:30 and i went into homemaker mode; dinner, laundry, doing as many dishes as i could, entertaining DS (between episodes of tom and jerry) and general tidying. Then of course its bedtime story, more tidying, more dishes etc. Despite all this there were still dishes on the counter but i was too knackered to do anymore at about 9pm so i sat down for the evening.
This morning i got up with DS, having agreed i would and also take him to his sports thing at 11 so husband (no D today!) could sleep off any hangover. Again, i was happy to do this as it's not a common occurrence. So i got up with bubs, cleaned him off because his pull up leaked, got him dressed, breakfasted etc AND did a load of dishes to try and tackle the pile that remained but didn't get them all done.
So H wasn't that hungover and woke around 8 to come down to the kitchen and start huffing and bitching that he had to do the fucking dishes and it wasn't fair that he should be faced with a mess in the morning.
AIBU for being completely fucked off at him for this? Was i put on this earth so he never has to do dishes? His logic is that if someone starts a job i.e. Cooking a meal, they should finish it including the dishes. My argument is that I busted my gut to parent, play with, feed, discipline and entertain our child along with keeping the house in a semblance of order while he's out socialising, can't he be a bit generous and do the last tub of dishes without giving me a row?

Please no LTBs, he's got a lot of good qualities and is generally loving, kind and fun but can be a bit traditional in his viewpoints (until I edumacate him of course ).

But he does do them half the time then just has a go at me for not doing them first. I wasn't put on this earth to be his dishwasher!

The people who insist you not argue about "small stuff" with a man who is starting arguments with you are basically just saying:

"You are a woman. It is your job to do the dishes and you are not allowed to complain about anything related to dishes, because that makes you petty."

Apparently starting arguments about dishes is not petty (if you're a man) but anything other that complete subservience to his unreasonableness is petty (if you are a woman).

Basically, just ignore. Except perhaps to realise that there are other people in the world who believe he has a right to start petty, nasty little rows over nothing and that your job as a woman is to make excuses and put up with being unhappy because of how he treats you.

You are allowed to be disgusted and disappointed that a person who should love you and be kind to you would behave like such a dick to you.

You are quite right to feel that there is no reason on earth why you should put up with this.

You are every bit as important as he is. Even though you have a vagina of appeasement.

This is not about the dishes. Or one event of dishes.
It's about his attitude towards the OP in general.

And he was actually making the dishes a big problem.
The OP was just getting on with it, but not at the pace that he wanted.

I'd agree that arguing about dishes is what flatmates do, not partners. So, why is he?

I would make doing the dishes daily a a priority in the life of a busy household and not just because the kitchen must smell quite grim.

We both value a tidy house and work towards that end so it doesn't ever smell grim. My problem is that my contribution to this is either not recognised or brought into question. My original post was really just a rant and I realise this is part of a larger issue with our relationship that we are working on.
The assortment of posts on here has been very interesting. Someone said that issues over dishes are a sign of general resentment in the relationship and i agree. I'm quite shocked at the number of people who said to just do them. I guess everyone has different ways of working within their own households. This is fine when both parties are happy with the arrangement. I'm no longer happy with ours and am struggling to assert myself to change things.

BTW, lol to whoever called it the vagina of appeasement .

Benelope, My apologies, I wasn't insinuating you live in a pig sty. Its just that I can always smell dirty dishes left unwashed and any left longer than one meal to the next I would find grim.

I hope you get things sorted

Its just that I can always smell dirty dishes left unwashed and any left longer than one meal to the next I would find grim.
But the initial responsibility on this laid with the man who left the dishes from one day to the next, surely, not with the OP who had to work at catching up while doing the dishes that kept showing up.

Thanks weebirdie .
We've finally discussed "the dishes incident". Both of us have agreed to deal with resentment earlier and work on being more generous and kind to each other. He's a good egg most of the time.

Good luck with it, bonelope. I liked Sylvanian's reply and suspect you're going to have cause to memorise it and trot it out. Hope I'm wrong.

Is he going to work on his refusal to clean the kitchen to the standard he expects of you?

I'm curious.
Who has to deal with resentment?
Where was the resentment here?