Question for familes with 2 full time working parents - who does what in the house?

[popsycal]

Both myself and DH work full time. I have to bring work home most nights and on weekends. DH doesn't. He can switch off from work when he leaves the building. We have one ds 21 months.

Just interested in experiences of those in a similar position. How does what in the house in terms of house work, cooking, washing, gardening, DIY, car stuff etc?

Thanks

Cooking: 50-50. Dh is more accomplished but I can get something edible and nutritious on the table within 30 mins while minding two small children and he can't
Washing: me mostly but dh nobly does the cack in clothes side of things
Ironing: me mostly
Cleaning: 60-40 dh vs me. He is good with loos and kitchens. I am better at stacking the dishwasher though.
Gardening: 50-50. He mows, I prune and pot up. I also choose plants and water in the evenings. We both abuse trespassing cats. He "tidies" (skulks in more like) the shed.
Shopping: delivered but all ordered and planned online by me. I am always the one who notices dwindling stocks of nappies/pepper/loo roll.
Paperwork: 50-50. He does the bills and so on, I do all the touchy-feely stuff with nursery, school, OTHER PEOPLE'S BIRTHDAY CARDS INCLUDING HIS OWN MOTHER'S AND HIS OWN GODSON'S
Car: 100% dh except navigating when we're in it. We tell ds that we're urban rally drivers "Left, left, oh FFS, RIGHT".
Arguing/bemoaning own loss of freedom: definitely 50:50

We get by all right I guess. Both being equally knackered and pissed off is not doing wonders for our marriage though

Popyscal. How about getting a cleaner and getting your dh to pay for her? It worked for me, he used to tidy up before she turned up.

The other things that worked for me were:

1. Invite his Family over to stay.
2. Go Out Shopping/Visiting for the day leaving a mess
3. Go away on business for a week at a time and he misses you so much you get back to a sparkling house on Friday (probably not possible).

Also sorry to highjack your thread, but ThomCat - does your cleaner drive? Is she looking for a bit of work? Seeing as we're nearly neighbours and all that!

Popsycal, I really liked this article - NZ working mums hot-tips - it might give you some ideas for that chat?

Best wishes and sympathy.

Hi Binkie, yes I am in Australia. I don't really have loads of energy, just do all this through necessity. In fact am tired and cranky most of the time .

binkie, does your husband really think you taking your ds to school is a 'ridiculous over-commitment?'

Dh works full time and I work part time but with a lot of voluntary extra work (evening meetings, occasional weekend conferences - I work for a charity which is funded by our local council hence loads of meetings ). We have a childminder who looks after our two at home (4 and 20 months). She does push the hoover round and the house is usually fairly tidy when I get back. The most brilliant thing is that SHE LOVES LAUNDRY and she does as much washing/drying/ironing as she can. But she doesnt cook AT ALL so I have to make nice nutritious meal for children and leave it every work day. This morning I was making mashed potato, talking to children and planning what to wear all at once, while dh had lovely leisurely shower and shave. I do almost all the cooking. I also do the lions share of the housework and most of the mothering duties now I come to think about it. He helps with bathtime and tidies up downstairs while I put kids to bed. I also always get up in the night if they need me. He does the garden and gets the cars sorted.

Sometimes I think working part time is actually the worst of both worlds

NK, interesting that you seem to be with me on this one. He thinks the norm is that if you have a nanny or au pair school runs are naturally her job. Our cleaner, who also does after-school nannying, is expected to turn up at her employers at 7 to do the morning run, then come back to do the afternoon stint. Maybe this is just London?

Of course there must be lots of working people whose hours just can't fit in school runs, so guess I'm lucky in a way.

Beccaroll - Itraded 1st one in for crimes similar to yours - 2nd one is much more helpful!!

I should think it would be a bit of a privilege to do the school run if you can fit it in. I think its fab that you do it yourself, they always seem quite chatty at that time in the morning and you probably get a lot out of him, so to speak.

Cooking: me
I do the stacking in the dishwasher most of the time, but he does any hand washing up.
Washing: bit of both, except he sometimes shrinks things. he can't hang up or fold things for toffee.
Ironing: neither of us, ie as & when..
Gardening: 50-50. He mows & hacks bits off plants so they die. I moan at him
Shopping: I actually like doing supermarket stuff, maybe it's because I escape for a bit (ie never take girls)
Paperwork: 50-50. He does most of the bills. I do birthday cards or else they dont' get sent.
Car: mostly me. he actually let the car go without an mot for 6 months or so because I'd always done it when it was 'my' car, so it was a bit ahem illegal.
moaning about lack of tidiness: him
being untidy: me

dh works full-time and I do 4-5 days a week, and the odd saturday.

Cooking: dh does the sunday roast and stuff during the week occassionally, I do everything else, including breakfasts for ds and dd, every morning and w/e's.

Shopping: dh does the odd shop, but I do 90% of it, with children in tow sometimes.

Housework: what's that??? the kitchen floor gets done by me, few times a week, I do the hoovering, washing, ironing, changing beds, cleaning toilets, bathroom, dusting(every 6 months!), unstacking dishwasher, dh unstacks sometimes, washing up...mostly me, cooker me, windows me

Gardening: dh is a dab hand in the garden, plants conifers, mows the lawn, I do the rest, pruning, hoeing, weeding, planting etc...he does the bbq's

Car:DH (I know nothing about them and he has to check the oil...am useless at that and he does all the diy buying machines for garden,

and finally I file the paperwork but he organises a lot of stuff.(loans and stuff and the money (I like it)...oh and he ALWAYS buys the beer and pays for the takeaways...

this works well for us, we are quite houseproud but we don't worry too much about it...and wouldn't get a cleaner as it gets done in the end..(but would be nice).

..forgot to mention our cleaner, she does the most

NK, yes - I love it, even this morning when it was chucking down. He tells me all about his dreams, jokes, games he's going to invent ... and because I'm the source of the daily tube ride I'm at last on the formal favourites list (it used to be daddy; sister; grandpa; one particular playmate; "and there are no more" ).

Both full time work (both have 30 mins each way drive). DD 18, DS 16, 14 & 12.

He does school run; dog walking, dog cleaning up poo, buying of dog food. Hoovering. Cleaning of kitchen (when it gets to the stage where there is no surface clear). Dishwasher when pressed. Dinner when prompted. Tidying things into piles in rest of house (pile including old newspapers, current car insurance, letters to be answered, bills to be paid, junk mail, holiday brochures).

I do laundry (collecting, washing, drying & putting away). Grocery shopping. Remembering when things need to be replaced/renewed/paid. Organising school stuff. Organising children. Getting children up in morning & with right clothes/equipment for school. Bills. loans. credit cards. Letters. Dinner when I'm late home from work & he hasn't started it (because he's watching Minder). Car insurance & tax for both cars. Holidays (organising & paying for). Cleaning out bird's cages (but they are my birds). Can't think of anything else but I'm sure there must be more

What I get resentful about is coming home on a nice day to find washing still in machine or a day that has turned wet to find washing still on line. Both answered by "I didn't know there was any". Or that I spend MY non-working days doing laundry/sorting kids out/cooking etc (except for the 2 or 3 .. hours?... spent on Mnet...) while he spends HIS watching TV or going to see his father for a chat.

We both work full time now and have 4 children aged 17, 14, 13 and 10yrs.

We both do the washing, ironing, cooking etc depending on who is home fist. We are shift workers so we tend to do things on our days off which are usually different. DH does the garden and cars. He actually does a lot more than I do but I don't let on

Also for us it depends who is tired the most and who has a lot on at work. DH has accepted a long time ago that I work long hours.

Well, I made a rota - I am sticking to my bit but for DH it lasted all of ooooh, let me see.....zero days. Even though we sat down, discussed it, he realised I had allocated myself more than he had etc etc. I told him how I was feeling about it all. Also since then, I have been told my blood pressure is through the roof and am supposed to be resting.

DOn't get me wrong, I am no cleaning and tidiness freak - far from it - but I just feel soooooo unsupported right now