Question for familes with 2 full time working parents - who does what in the house?

[popsycal]

Both myself and DH work full time. I have to bring work home most nights and on weekends. DH doesn't. He can switch off from work when he leaves the building. We have one ds 21 months.

Just interested in experiences of those in a similar position. How does what in the house in terms of house work, cooking, washing, gardening, DIY, car stuff etc?

Thanks

Well - nursery's about 40 minute-run (nanny likes walking/bus/tube, not car), so factoring in the delivery & then collection it's probably less than two hours free ... suspect she does laundry, but if she wanted to go to the gym I wouldn't grudge.

Actually can I have your nanny's life!!

Oh, that answer below was for bossykate.

CD, mornings are because I would hardly see kids otherwise!! Also I take ds to school (on tube on my way to work) for same reason & also so that I get to say hello to other parents. Dh thinks this a silly overcommitment, but well there you are.

Pollingfold, look on thegumtree.com - found utterly lovely Polish cleaner there, cannot recommend enough.

GillW - are you sure you're not married to my dh?

I'd dearly love a cleaner, but dh won't have it as he thinks we can do it ourselves - and that he does most of it anyway.

He does do all the hoovering and SOME of the tidying. He goes on about me being the untidy one but after 11 years together (and a concerted effort in recent years) I HAVE got a lot better - and he's not as tidy as he makes out!

That leaves the dusting, the windows, the laundry, the ironing, the changing the beds, the cleaning the kitchen and bathroom floors, the cleaing the bathroom, the cleaing the kitchen, the cleaning the windows, mirrors, entrance hallway.....

Bitter, me?

I have found trying to follow the Flylady routines helpful ie once a week I spend 10 minutes on each o f the following: dusting; sweeping/mopping kitchen/bathroom/lounge floors; cleaining mirros/windows/doors; sorting/throwing out papers/magazines; changing bedlinen; emptying bins. I don't need to do the hoovering 10 minutes, as dh does do that. And to be fair, he does occasionally clean the bathroom and mop the floors.

What I don't understand is that he claims that we don't have enough time together or time to relax - but doesn't see that this cleaning time is time we could use together - and that I might feel a little less knackered if I weren't always thinking of what needed to be done.

What I wouldn't give to come home to a sparkling clean house, with the sofa cushions all plumped up! It's my fantasy dream..... !

To be fair, he does also do the DIY around the place (although I HAVE learnt to get out the house if he is doing anything a wee bit difficult!), looks after the bikes, does the "heavy" gardening and mowing the lawn and most of the decorating.

He does ALSO get breakfast for ds and me every week day morning , including the morning nappy and getting ds ready for the childminders. I'm a slug in the morning and enjoy the extra few minutes in bed!

We both used to work f/t - dh is currently semi "at home" as he took a package and is now developing his own buisness idea and is also doing some consultancy for someone he might enter into a more formal arrangement with. So for the past year or so, I have been the main breadwinner.

Pollingfold that is ridiculous. I live in SW London, have had at least 20 different cleaners, none of whom charged more than £6 per hour and I only ever had to sack one because of her poor cleaning. Our current one is £5 an hour and she's fine. You need to look again!

Agree polish cleaners are really good!

CD

£5, where!!!! if only. tried loads of places/people/flyers but nothing cheaper than £9 ph. Your cleaner wouldn't do wimbledon would she?!

Crunchie - we are definitely twins. Sounds just like my dh although, at the moment, he is not working. When he was working I used to do the washing and he used to do the cooking/dishwasher. I used to fit in other cleaning at weekend. It started off a good idea and seemed to lose momentum. I think that's just a men thing though.

Now he is at home, he seems to go in phases of cleaning, although he will cook for us and pick dds up from school. The only thing that seems to get him cleaning the house from top to bottom is me going away/out. Mind you, I can be quite a messy person (as can he).

I used to have a cleaner but he reckons he can do it. Probably had something to do with having to tidy the house up before she turned up! CD I think I might get one again - I never thought about them just hoovering/cleaning bathrooms/kitchen.

Message withdrawn

Pollingfold look in your local shop windows, there are always loads of cards in there. Or put a card in yourself. There are often local au pairs looking for extra work around here so you can get verifiable refs from their employers.

Sadly mine has a part time job as well so she wouldn't have time. The two before have gone back to Hungary.

Thanks so much for taking the time to answer my post....
as I already thought, I need a serious 'chat' with dh.....
currently thinking up a rota...but feel as though I am a student again doing this!

ANy tips on getting a DH who doesn't see mess, doesn't think things needs cleaned and doesn't see the immense washing pile to NOTICE it all. i just nag apparently.....

Go on strike Popsy - have a role reversal??

oh i tried a strike,.....
i know longer wash or iron his clothes....and he goes ot looking like a tramp
i don't clean the bathroom, and it gets left
i leave ds's toys and they stay there
i don't fill the dishwasher and ds has nothing to put his milk in .....
and the list goes on

Crunchie & 21stCG - we are definitely triplets. I am a bit of a slut too

I have nanny who cleans most of house as well, which is great, and Ironing Fairy who does 4 hours once a week (DH's shirts mostly)

I cook, he is stacking dishwasher as I type. I do the washing, change beds, he does car stuff and garden as I have brown fingers

Both work full time:

Cleaner: just sacked as at £7 hour what does she do? On too 4th cleaner in 2 years - where do you find good ones ?

Nanny: looks after boys 8am to 6.30pm does there cooking and keeps room tidy and puts away toys. Doesn't do any ironing. Dont begrudge the odd hour off in the afternoon when they are asleep.

Shopping: weekly food shop delivered

Cooking: 50/50ish but tend to eat at work in good subsidised canteen so normally snacks at night.

Childcare: At weekends roughly 50/50 - we tend to spend a lot of time together as a family. DP adores spending with his boys. He plays golf but tends to skive off during the week to play.

Admin: All me, would I trust him NO, NO, No and also I am a total control freak and need to know everything that is going on.

Spending money: Both of us

Laundry: Me and nanny puts washes in.

DIY: DP badly, so handyman

Computer/geek type stuff: DP

Have to kick him sometimes but he normally ups his game.

Before kids we were both working fulltime in pretty demanding jobs and running a farm - I cooked 4 nights/week, DH cooked 3 nights/week. We both did grocery shopping/carrying/unpacking together and evenly shared dishwasher stacking and unstacking and kitchen cleaning. He did vacuuming, most lawn mowing, clothes folding and floor mopping while I did dusting, bathrooms, some lawn mowing, clothes washing and ironing. We equally shared farm labouring jobs and farm and personal bookwork.

After DS I returned to work fulltime when DS was 3 months old. DH worked part time with previous employer, ran small business from home, looked after farm and looked after DS two days per week. I did all shopping/carrying/unpacking of groceries, all cooking and cleaning of kitchen, all clothes washing and folding, bathroom cleaning, dusting, all feeding of DS (when home) and expressing of milk (a bit hard for DH). DH stacked and emptied the dishwaser, vacuumed, mowed the lawn, did all the farm labouring jobs and farm and personal bookwork. After a couple of months he arranged for his mother to look after DS for two days a week (instead of him!) and to do the ironing!

After DD was born (2 years ago)I went back to work 3 days per week when she was 6 months old, I am still only working in padi employment 3 days/week. DH has stopped working for previous employer but his own business has taken off so he works long hours in town (with a staff of 5). I do all the grocery shopping/carrying/unpacking, all the cooking and kitchen cleaning, half of the dishwasher packing and unpacking, all of the clothes washing, folding and ironing, bathroom cleaning, dropping kids to daycare/picking them up, most of the farm labouring work, taking the bin out (we have only just started with roadside pickup of rubbish), all of the farm and personal bookwork, all of the present organising (for both of our families), most of the kids' bathing, most of the kids dressing/undressing/getting ready to go out etc, all of the co-ordinating for social events (including his business dinners!) and all of the tidying up after him and the kids! DH mows the lawn, does half of the dishwasher packing and unpacking, helps with farm jobs on weekends and baths the kids once/week. We have a cleaner in once/week to dust, vacuum and mop.

I have decided it might not be a good idea to have anymore kids or else, following this trend, DH will end up doing nothing around the house at all!

chelle, you are amazing. Where does your energy come from? Can I have some? (And unless you are in Oz, it seems you don't even sleep.)

Damn MN.

After reading how clean other peoples houses must obviously be with all these cleaners and all spent 4 hours last night scrubbing/putting away/ dusting/ shining....

House looks beautiful .....

.... but dh home today so will be back to hovel status by the time I get home ;(

CD - good idea, hadn't thought of that

We're in Earls court and need a new cleaner - probably about 5 hours... If she is interested ?

Intrestingly DP used to have a Polish cleaner and said she was fab. My mum has had two Lithuanian cleaners who both also great

hubby works close to home and inevitable gets home first. first home cooks the evening meal is a standard rule in our house. hubby does the washing of clothes. i do the washing of pots. we go together for the shopping becuase hubby cannot drive. but i detest food shopping. hubby mows the lawn. car stuff is prolly my domain cos i can drive and he cannot. i usually get the kids to clean it for a small bribe

pamina3

you could be my and my marriages saviour!!

I work 4 days a week, DP 5, but my 5th day is spent 'doing' appointments at hospital etc as out little girl (2 at Xmas) has Down's syndrome.

I do most of the food shopping but have the car so do it in my lunch hour or i get it done on a Friday afternoon.

Housework - we have a cleaner who does 3 hours a week so we don't usually have much housework to do.

DIY - DP and my dad

Garden - he mows, I prune iykwim!

Car - what is there to do, maybe I'm missing something??!!!!!

cooking - very shared. he does a lot more in summer months as he's obsessed with bbq-ing!!

washing - mainly me - but he does put it on, esp as he now has to wear shirts for his new job, (he irons his own shirts btw, & wouldn't dream of asking me and i wouldn't dream of offering!!!)
I quite oftern rope him into hanging it up/out to dry.

generally keeping place tidy - me, me, me, but that's the way I am and the house is never really messy becasue of that

dishwasher, load as we go, generally me that empites but i make sure he does his share

bills - shared direct debits

caring of DD - mainly me but that's becasue i always just get there first, if i feel i've taken her up to bed, changed her, bathed her too many times on the trot, i just say 'your turn' and there's no problem with that.

Right the Sonnet household:
Dh works full time, me 3 days per week. DD1 at school DD2 nursery on the 3 days i work and with me on my 2 days at home.

I use to be spoilt rotten with a cleaner and an ironer. But Dh sacked the cleaner (long story) when I was 8.5 months pregnant with DD2 and I havn't been able to find a decent replacement since....
So now,
DH hoovers the house once a week ( in every corner, under every piece of furniture)
I do all the cleaning/polishing etc - split over my 2 days at home - Very organised and rountine like.
We tend to split the tidying up and always have a quick run round in the evening.
I do all the cooking and all the shopping - Online order once a week, local butcher and farmshop visits built into my day with DD2.
I do most of the washing, DH does do some though.
Ironing all done by an ironing service
Garden - mostly DH
Bins/Windows - DH
Bills/investments/insurance etc - DH

I do the school run with DD1, Dh takes DD2 to nursery
So pretty even i think - I'm happy with it anyway..