New man only just told me the truth

[Middletown]

Just joined although have been reading the advice boards for a while.
I met a guy just before Christmas, wasn't really looking for anything serious but we met on a night out.
I am late 30's, been single for 2 years having split from my children's dad who I was with for 20 years, this new guy told me he was 27, was a bit unsure of the age gap but really liked him so thought there's no harm in seeing what happens.
Been seeing each other since whenever possible, my kids spend equal amounts of time with myself and their dad so do get quite a bit of free time.
Still early days I know but he is everything I like in a guy, funny, smart, caring, if I could write down my ideal man he would be it, in looks as well as personality.
Yesterday we spent the day together, had a fantastic day but when we got back to mine he came over all serious and said there was something he had to tell me, crazy thoughts started going through my head so told him he should just tell me.
Turns out he's 23!!! Shocked doesn't even begin to describe how I felt.
He said he thought it would be just a bit of fun to begin with but had now fallen for me and I needed to know the truth.
I asked him to leave as I needed to think things over but in truth I knew straight away it couldn't continue, it now feels so wrong with him being so young.
He messages me this morning asking if I was ok and saying that he pretty much knows that he has screwed up but is hoping against hope I will give him another chance, messaged back just saying I need more time, can't quite come to tell him I can't do it, I feel like a total fool for believing that I had found my mr perfect.
Not even sure what I am asking here for but advice is so great on here that maybe a different perspective is needed.

I would not personally worry about the age gap.

However, I see two red flags.

1. He saw you as "a bit of fun" - so happy to toy with your emotions knowing your ages.
2. He lied to get what he wanted for you.

He now has come clean, because he now wants to continue with you, and can foresee problems regards to you not knowing his age.

What a manipulative tosser.

It is all about him?! It is all about what is good for him in order to get his way.

(My friend is 48, her partner is 28, they have been with each other for more than 5 years. He now lives with her and her teens. He has never deceived her.)

I agree with Rebecca - and with Qunitessentially.

Has he lied about anything else?

This happened to me a few years ago, in between my marriages. I met a chap when I was 32, who told me he was 28. Turned out he was 19! I did not guess, he had a full beard, hairy etc.

I did worry first, and the relationship didn't last over a year because of the maturity level - it got very annoying - but if you like him and you get on well, I think you have nothing to lose by seeing how it goes.

I don't agree that age is 'just a number' because it can have implications, but at the same time, people have different maturity levels at different times and I don't think this guy has done anything wrong by confessing.

Ps: sex was great...ok...tmi :)

If you end up forming a deep & lasting relationship, then I think there will be hard issues to face.
He's the same age as your daughter & partner. It will feel strange, and not only to you.
If he wants children in 5 or 10 years, it'll be a dealbreaker.
There's all the background stuff like different terms of cultural reference - this used to cause lots of WTF moments with XH2, who was 12 years younger, but nothing terminal.
When you're 70, he'll be 53; you'll be at significantly different life stages.

BUT I really don't feel you should knock a great relationship on the head due to concerns like these. Anything can go wrong with any relationship, and you're nowhere near facing these potential barriers yet.

Before anyone asks, XH2 turned out to be an abusive weirdo. The age difference was nothing to do with our divorce.

Sorry, when you're 70, he'll be 56 (I'm tired!) Same comment, though.

I think agr is 'just a number' given that the maturity of 2 people the same age can be vastly different. That's why I judhe the person in front of me, not their age. As a consequence I have good friends old enough to be my daughter and my grandmother!

He lied

surely that's all you need to know

I wouldn't tolerate that for anyone

Age is just a number -- I'm going on a date with a 22 year old on sat & I'm 33 - can't wait!

Havent read all the replies, but i think its fine OP. Appreciate its a shock but there was 15 year age gap between my parents and they were very happy. If you like him then definitely take your time to think about it.

In all honesty I would feel weird about this,too in your place. Not so much his age per se but the fact that your dd is 20 and has a partner of 24. I have sons in their early twenties and the thought of being with one of their ( charming and lovely) friends does just creep me out.

I would let this one go and have some very happy memories.

And a lot of mumsnetters are very hard line about lies. Not saying I'm a huge fan but this time I can see how it happened and he did come clean and fess up so that wouldn't be a big part of the decision process for me. Surely we've all told a lie occasionally?

No, not such a fundamental lie

only liars tell untruths about something so important

Mr Perfect wouldn't lie about his age.

Mr Perfect wouldn't.

But Mr All Right might lie about his age to get off with a woman he thought might reject him as too young. It's not as if he lied about being married or being on the run from prison.

Not all sexual relationships have to be for a lifetime. These two have only been seeing each other for two months, Middle has plenty to find out about him yet!

Lying about things to get off with someone is so attractive. Puts him way lower than Mr Alright. "Hey I'll lie about my age! It's okay as long as I get my knob wet under false pretences!"

i think just enjoy it for what it is, but the age gap would bother me because id imagine he would still have a lot of changing to do.

It doesnt have to be forever

yeah, he needs to grow up and stop telling fibs !

Oh, just shag him. Life's too short. We might all get beheaded tomorrow by some crazed pseudo-religious maniacs.

Shag him. Shag him till it falls off. :)

This is true. So need to tell the porkies

no* need

They have so much energy at that age, though! None of this one go and you're done, stuff.

Grab it while you still can :)

God, I sound like a Harry Enfield sketch. Young man!

yes, you also have an uncanny ability to sound ageist and sexist in one fell swoop

you speak for yourself....my 50+ husband has loads of < ahem > energy

See - we get the Harry Enfield reference. Would he??!!

It's not that unusual to go into a relationship thinking 'this'll be a bit of fun' - is it? What other scenario could there be: 'this is the one I might marry'? Bit heavy.

Go for it. I know what you mean but you're the right side of 40 to not feel shit about ageing (sorry to bring that up).

Honestly, love is hard to come by so just enjoy it.

Nope.