Fuck buddy?

[Shoegal0305]

So I have known this guy for 18 years. Worked together tho he now does the same job but in a different area. He has been in 2 serious relationships, one resulting in a child, I have the same. I fancied him from the minute I saw him, looks wise he is perfect and sense of humour wise we are extremely well matched...... All in all if I could 'design' the perfect man, it would be him!!

So we've been intimate a fair few times, all of which whilst we were both single I hasten to add! I have quite a few confidence issues, I'm a single mum, plump, feeling a bit sorry for myself lol! I reckon for the past year we've texted each other regularly, ive even found the confidence to meet him for coffee a few times (I feel he is way out my league so don't feel confident sexually with him......... Tho wit wise we are completely matched and if I ever see him in a work environment it is easier as no pressure re intimacy).

So he texts sometimes daily, telling me how beautiful I am, it usually gets sexual tho! So last night we were on a mutual friends night out, we planned to go together it was a fab night resetting in him coming back to mine for the inevitable!! Which was lovely and would've been better if not for my insecurities..... I won't let him see me naked and I prefer lights OFF!! Lol

All last night he kept telling me how beautiful I was. How gorgeous he finds me. I struggle with this's as I don't think I am and as I've said feel he is so gorgeous he could get any woman!!!

We tell each other we 'love' each other, usually at the ends of texts in a jovial 'love ya'type way. I really am happy single and feel it would take someone special to sweep me off my feet to give that up. But where he's concerned I feel I would love to get over all the bullshit and see him properly! It's really complicated as he is living with his folks at the min due to ex and son obviously living in the house they shared and he can't afford anywhere as he spends a fortune travelling to and from work.

Sorry for going on but my dilemma is do I sit him down and tell him how I feel? And what do I say? We are both alike so hence neither of us have confronted this!!!! He seems to give the impression he wants a relationship but it made it clear, but then neither have I! It's not like he comes round regular for sex and thenfucks off as he doesn't. I've not heard much from him today which I honestly normally wouldn't read into but last night was so bloody intense!!!! I want more of him!

Advice greatly appreciated.......

Lucy it's the 'seeing how it goes' thing that is the stumbling block as I think we could go on and on for ever s d never either move forward or put s stop to it! I'm sick of being in limbo......

If you can't even get away for a weekend together, how is this ever going to change? A proper relationship means so much more than just meeting up for a quick one.
You really do have to sit him down for a serious talk.

I do Sally I just don't know how to go about it???

How about texting him in advance of his next visit to say "No sex tonight. Need a serious talk".

Yes ive just asked him when he's free this week will have 'the chat' lol xxx

Good luck!

Well can't meet him this week he's at work days snd im nights at the weekend ??

Well ive not heard a thing from him since yesterday so I guess that tells me a lot....... Very unlike him especially after we were together Saturday night.........

What did you say in your text? Did you mention wanting to talk?

No I haven't I'm waiting to see when I'm seeing him again first lol xx

No that's fine, I was thinking that the wanting to talk bit may have scared him.

No I haven't mentioned it yet. I'm feeling really deflated today...... Think it's coz we were so intimate the other night and it's made me realise that is miss that! It normally would not bother me one little bit and sometimes he goes for days without texting that's fine. But I (maybe stupidly?) feel like after Saturday night I want that contact with him? And he hasn't given it to me! Does that make sense? Xx

It does make sense and this is why you two need have that talk. You need to know where you stand.

I know ......... Not looking like we have any opportunity to meet tho for a week or so...... And that's why I'm
Feeling so bloody frustrated and down

Do you chat on the phone? Could you call him? Or would you rather read his body language and facial expressions?

No we text, not chat. I'd rather see him to be fair. I just feel he's now 'not interested' and thoughts are consuming me about his ex and are they actually split up etc!!!! Ffs this didn't bother me last week!!!! X

If I were you it would bother me too. A lot. I don't like sharing. And the whole sleeping in X's bed all be it in his previous home, and probably his previous bed is just too much intimacy for my liking. The boundaries are too blurred.

Yup! So I need to ask do I actually know him as well as I think!? I didn't know any of this....... Is he really still with her but living at his folks part time as I KNOW they had a very volatile relationship? They still are seen in the supermarket together, not lovey or anything but with each other! As you say the boundaries are too blurred? The picking up and taking to work, taking shopping, I could go on...... But sleeping in her bed? And I'm
Not even sure she works full
Nights, if at all??its just too weird and I can't figure out where I fit in? It's not as tho I'm a regular sex thing as im not, it's more emotional. So can't say he's using me for sex? I did say it was complicated!!!

It's a tricky one as he seems to have been pursuing you for ages, said and did all the right things so you'd have every right to feel there was something there...regarding the ex, I'm not sure you should worry so much about it tbh.

Myself and xh have a similar set up...he doesn't sleep in my bed but during the summer we "share" a home and a bed...it means the kids don't have to shift back and forth over a longer distance to see their dad...he also comes and goes from here quite a lot, ive lent him my car , given him lifts, waited at his to let the washing machine guy in as a favour. ..things like that. It's not ideal but it seems to make things easier between us for the kids sake.

Long story short though, I wouldn't touch him with a bargepole! Just because he's got a flexible and haphazard arrangement with his ex doesn't mean either of them still fancy the other.

Poffedoff Thankyou it's good to get a different slant on this....... Thing is he lives across the road so not as tho their child is ferried any distance lol! Plus he's a teenager. I just need to know where I stand it's that simple I guess. I think as ive not heard from him much my imagination is running wild? Yea he's defo pursued me! Big time, but not properly it's all 'suggestions' not actions.i think I need to draw up a list of pro's and cons! I just thinks that if he wanted to be with me he would be?? And he isn't. It makes me feel
Sad that he may well end up a very lonely man as no woman would put up with this long term surely?

Any update OP?

Hi not not much to report. All gone quiet haven't seem him do kinda trying to go down the 'he's not interested' route! The more I think about it the more I doubt whether him and the ex will ever be separate? I'm thinking if he wanted to be with me, he would be? I'm purposely trying desperately NOT to text him! Hadn't heard for a day and a half and last night got a text at midnight saying 'xxx'????? Also to him in a text in a jokey manner that he drives me to distraction as fuck knows what's going on between us? He never answered! I'm at a loss!!!!

I think hes trying to keep his options open

What makes you say that Helena? I ask as im desperately trying to get my head round it all and whilst texting you guys im not texting him! Lol x

Anyone have any advice?