What is your relationship like day-to-day?

[catlady1]

Especially interested if you have young children (bonus points if Dp is not their father).

Just wanting to get some perspective. I have been with DP a year, I have a 2 year old. I spend most days seething with resentment (only a slight exaggeration). DP stays in bed well into the afternoon when he is not at work (he is working through an agency at the moment so lots of temporary jobs) and goes out every night to his friend's house, often coming home stoned in the early hours. Meanwhile I'm getting up with DD on my own, taking care of the house, going to work in the afternoon, and coming home to an empty house.

I don't expect him to do anything for my daughter, and they get along well. He's not always out all night, sometimes he will come home so we can eat together. We rarely go out together, we rarely have sex (I have been guilty of making quite a big deal of the latter; he says he "can't he arsed.") He will do small bits of housework if I ask him to, such as the vacuuming or dishes, but feels he shouldnt have to clean up after me and DD. Generally refuses to touch the washing, doesnt dust, has never cleaned the bathroom.

When he is working he will eat and go straight to bed, understandably. At the weekend he generally stays in bed late, gets up to eat, sometimes we'll go shopping or something. Then he goes back to bed for a few hours, while I feed DD and get her bathed and to bed, then he'll quite often get up and go out.

I don't want to ask him to stop seeing his friends and I know my daughter isn't his problem, and obviously I can't go out every night because of DD. But sometimes I feel like he avoids me! He insists that he loves me, and I love him but there seems to be very little in this relationship for me. But will this be the case in any relationship I have, because of my DD? Because I still won't be able to go out all night, or stay in bed all day, and I'll always have to keep the house clean and the washing done and food on the table for her sake anyway, whether any potential partner helps out or not.

Is this just normal in a relationship of this kind? Or am I right to feel this way?

I would prefer to be single forever more than to be with someone like him. It sounds like an awful relationship. Is it possible to go back to 'dating' him - maybe just see him once week or once a fortnight or never
I'm not surprised you feel unattractive - however, even if you actually were unattractive there will be someone out there who will love you for who you are. Looks are not everything.

Have you any strong feelings about being single. If you are not emotionally strong enough to make good relationship decisions why don't you stay single for a while, and stick with the cats and your DD -

Good luck

DP (not DCs father) parents them like they were his. He has to, we live together. If he didn't, it would be like he was a guest, and he isn't. We are a united front, and the kids know that if he says something, it goes. When one of you has more parenting power than the other, the DCs are well aware of it!

Your last post is really sad. You're worth so much more than this.

Fwiw I came off anti deps after my marriage ended. Turned out it really was him that was the problem.

I did worry about being on my own, but actually it was a really good episode in my life. I started saying ?es to stuff. Some days were tricky but honestly it was like a weight had lifted. I sort of pity his new gf, although I really like her as he us a loser in life. Bleugh.

Sorry for being harsh but is that the type of relationship you'd like for your daughter? You are an example to her. Find someone who treats you well and show her how good life can be!

I am so sad to read your posts. You don't deserve to be treated like this, nobody does. You are a strong person who has created a home and stability for her daughter; he is the poison who is ruining your life and destroying your self esteem. Once you get rid of him you will be in charge of your own life and your own space and can have happy and fulfilling family times with your daughter. You don't need a relationship unless it's adding something positive to your life. I'm so sorry you feel so low at the moment.

Sweat heavens, woman, can you please read your own posts back to yourself? And see the glaringly obvious?

He's a tosser.
You deserve better.
You WILL feel better without his crappiness as a partner bringing you down.

Cock lodger as pp have stated! But I think you know that now. The ball is in your court!

Sometimes he is really lovely
That is meaningless when the day to day is so truly awful.

Hmm don't be so down on yourself.. Expect more!
My DP "changed his life" to be with me and my dd. We got together when she was 5 and moved in together very quickly and he became an instant stepdad. There have been times it has been hard for him to adjust (and we have not had a perfect relationship over the 5 years we have been together for various reasons) but he always has taken care of my DD like his own and done his fair share (prob more) of housework and cooking and school pick ups 50/50 so I could also work late or go out. We do have a real partnership. Daily basis - we are a team, cuddle every night sex 2-3x per week, each do separate leisure activities at weekends taking turns with DD but then when she's with her dad we go out on a date together.

What is it like?

Well...we're pretty boring. Been married for over eight years. DS is seven, DD almost 2, I'm pregnant with DC3.

DH works and I SAH as well as part time childminding. When he gets home, we all eat dinner together. Then one of us bathes DD while the other clears up the table. We get DD to bed and then have some TV time with DS. Them DS goes to bed and DH and I tidy up and collapse on the couch. Then we talk or read or mess around on our ipad/phone for awhile and then go to bed.

In the morning he gets up and gets DS in the shower, then I get up and he leaves for work. I get DS ready and watch him walk to school, then get DD ready for the day. Three days a week I have mindees, the other days I just potter around cleaning and doing laundry and whatever.

On the weekends we try to do something fun with the kids. We run errands and things like that too. On Sundays we go to church and then get donuts. Sometimes we visit relatives or do something small with the kids (visit a nature park etc).

A few times a month we'll have individual things to do. Last night DH went to a lecture in the city. He likes to fish every few weekends and usually takes DS. I go to friends' houses or to the cinema or whatever. We don't go out much together but I'd like to work on that.

We have sex quite a bit. It's down to about once a week now because I'm pretty uncomfortable with the pregnancy.

As far as chores go, I do most of the household stuff as I'm at home all day. He cooks a bit on the weekend and does some tidying at night as well as loading the dishwasher. In the spring he plants the garden.

And...I guess that's about it! Sounds boring written down but we're pretty happy. Our DC are both ours, but I'd expect him to treat a DC who was just mine the same.

Get rid. You deserve better, honey.