Can't even have a conversation!

[GoldNumbers]

I have been with my DP for 4 years. He works away my. Monday-Friday every week. He came home today and I asked how his week had gone he told me, the conversation lasted about 20 min. I don't really understand but I listen.

I then started talking about my day, it wasn't that interesting to be fair while I was talking he had his phone infront of his face but I thought he was listening, but then he put a video on and started watching that. I asked him to stop that and he did and put his phone down and I continued chatting. I look at him and he's not even looking at me his eyes are on the football on the TV. So I just stopped talking. He didn't even notice. . It's like this constantly! We barely see eachother yet he just couldn't give a shit.

Anyway sorry for the rant, just saw your update. I'm glad writing has helped you. and

Putting aside gender politics-op, are you happy with him, do you love him, does he love you, does he play an active and caring role in your Dcs lives? Do you want to be with him? Is he treating your home as somewhere to doss on weekends when not working?
Those answers tell you everything. Life is too short to be unhappy.

Last week he went to the pub in the day and when he got back I asked him to have the kids while I got in the bath. I came down before it was run and he was asleep! Letting the 3 year old do what he wants and newborn in the bouncy chair. This has become so normal I didn't say anything just took them upstairs with me while I bathed. It's not normal I know he's a twat. Writing it is helping.

He rings sometimes but rarely and when he does he just speaks to the eldest.

He doesn't cook/clean. He will tell me what needs doing when he comes home though, for example the stairs need hoovering, can you wash my work clothes. I just don't know why ive been putting up with this. It's just with the kids life would be a struggle without the money he brings home. I am doing a foundation degree in September so not in work. Was going to return to work but decided to do this foundation degree, when I told him I'd been accepted he didn't acknowledge that either. He's a twat isn't he. Why oh why have I stayed this long

He wasn't obviously drunk when he came back by the way. I wouldn't leave him with the kids if he was, but he'd has enough to send him straight to sleep. It's scary to think im going to have to leave and be without financial support

He will have to pay maintenance and you may be entitled to some benefits. Go to entitledto.co.uk

You are basically doing it all by yourself anyway. If you can figure out the financial side and get him out, i think you'll feel relief. Everything is so much harder to deal with when you're living with resentment.

Hopefully then your self esteem can start to come back and your house.and relationship with your kids can be peaceful and fun.

I get what mini is saying and I also wonder just how much has really changed. She wasn't saying it's right.

Op it sounds really grim and lonely.

"Men don't get things like knitting and nappies"

I change nappies. Not so much with the knitting, but neither does DW. I do watch The Great British Sewing Bee with DW though if that counts.

Seriously though, the opinion of many women on here about what men can and can't do is ludicrous. We're able to do 99% of the work of women (minus breastfeeding, can't think of anything else offhand), how you choose to divvy up tasks is the only variable. If he's not pulling his weight it's because he's choosing not to, and that's it.

Well said. Also by giving men that excuse we will just perpetuate this inequality for years to come. If we want to live equally, we have to teach the next generation that that is just the way it is.

As said, men are perfectly capable of doing everything a woman is doing except breastfeeding, some just choose not to.

I take back what I said before....he sounds like an idiot....falling asleep when in charge of the kids and telling you Hoover rye stairs etc!!!

It's not up to you to leave your home though.....don't leave. Make him leave.

He doesn't cook/clean. He will tell me what needs doing when he comes home though, for example the stairs need hoovering, can you wash my work clothes.

He's treating you like a servant. I agree with the PP who said find out what you will be entitled to financially and then go for it. He will have to provide child maintenance. You should be entitled to benefits as well. Just do what you have to do for yourself and your kids.

Oh and in the meantime please stop making him food and washing his clothes!

OP you're asking yourself why you've stayed so long - I guess you were hoping it might get better? But I don't think it will sadly. Not point beating yourself up about it, just make sure that you leave him as soon as practically possible!

Maybe you have stayed so long because you have issues re low self worth and co-dependency. Perhaps you also thought that when you had children, he would finally change, sit up and take note.

You get nothing positive out of this and he is just there for you to look after him. His parents likely modelled the same lessons towards him which he has simply transferred to you.

Please do not continue to show your children that this is how couple actually behave in relationships because all that will do is teach them damaging lessons re same.