what is this type of lying/joking

[Oneforyouoneforme]

A man I've been seeing is successful and charming (this is relevant). During conversation he will say things that just aren't true and then laugh.

For example he'll say he owns shares in a nightclub, so the conversation continues with me saying something very general like "how long have u been involved with said club" its not totally beyond possibility that he could as I said he is quite successful in his career, but then a few minutes later he'll laugh and say, "i'm only joking." Another occasion he said he had quite a large tattoo on his back, cue me "I have one on my leg, whats yours", then after a few mins of discussion he'll laugh and say "only joking...of course I don't have a tattoo on my back." And the most recent conversation he'd mentioned buying a property near where he lives... again not entirely unbelievable but after a few minutes "no, of course I don't own that house."

What is the reasoning behind that? I'm always left a little baffled by our conversations.
TIA for any insight.

I'm going to play devil's advocate and suggest it might be a touch of nerves

Trying to impress you and then thinking better of it...

You could just tell him to stop it.

I used to know someone who claimed to have been involved in special forces ops in Northern Ireland, right down to supposedly having nightmares and waking up thrashing around and shouting . He never had. I also had a friend who had a DH who claimed similar. Sadly these Walter Mitty types are not uncommon.

Yours is bizarre OP in that he fesses up almost immediately. You can't get a foothold with these kinds of people, which I suspect is just how they like it but it's crazy making in the long term.

Have you ever called him on it?

Nom although i don't phrase it quite like that I do ask him whats the point and he replied saying he's just joking and not to take it too seriously.

pipp thats the thing, i'm now not entirely sure where the conversation will go so i do feel stifled incase he leads through the "i'm just joking" garden path.

Cog i know he's successful and his back story checks out as i've been seeing him for quite a few months and been to his apartment which is in a very rich area, his possessions and car look like they're expensive and he's listed as director-level of a fairly large company.

Well you now know why he was single don't you?

Aren't jokes supposed to be, like, you know, funny? Maybe I'm a humourless old viper but I fail to see the humour in having shares in a nightclub. Or for that matter, in not having shares in a nightclub.

It sounds to me like he's testing you, to see how you will react to various situations.

It is peculiar behaviour, and perhaps (as a PP has said) exacerbated by nerves. It could be one of several things

• these things are true and hes testing your reaction (seems unlikely)
• he is mistrustful, and these are trigger things for him that he wants to find out for reasons of his own (maybe he has strong feelings one way or the other about tattoos, or about nightclubs! Again, it seems a peculiarly tangential way of doing it)
• he wants to see how open-minded you are, and is using this as a way of doing so (which is a bit silly, why not just get to know you?)
• he is one of those people who delights in telling someone something false and then laughing at them for being 'gullible'. Since you have no reason whatsoever for not thinking that he has shares in a nightclub, this is unfair and a bit patronising - it's an exertion of power
• he is the kind of person who enjoys making others feel uncomfortable and disconcerted (if you expect this, run as far away as you can).

It's cruelty - and he does it because he can. (Ever seen a cat with a mouse?) Perhaps only mild at the moment but give him time.

(Or rather don't give him time. I love Wax's suggested response.)

It's a power play, and he is getting you to be unsure, cautious, as opposed to being confident and sure of yourself.

Leeaaaavvvvvvveeeee.....

Just run away now. This is why he's available.

If I did not know better I would think you were dating my personality disordered BIL. He is a similar Walter Mitty type figure who makes it all up as he goes along. He is also on the surface charming; they often are.

And you are with this person at all because...

What do you get out of this exactly?.

You do realise of course that you are simply now being used as well as being dragged down with him.

Run, do not just walk away from him!.

Thank you all for the replies. You seem to have confirmed what I suspected but doubted. A great deal of you mention the power-play and odd dynamics that leave me unsure of myself and second guessing things.

Its just each individual event is not in itself horrendous but looking at the whole picture I don't think its worth continuing with the relationship. Not too long ago I heard from some of his colleagues just during general conversation that he's a bit of a control freak at work and has made one of their team cry during after a meeting. He does exude presence IYKWIM and he's very confident in himself - but I always thought that a very attractive feature tbh. He also (admittedly rarely) has said something during sex or during conversation thats almost like a thought out loud, for example, I once stayed the night at his after dtd and the morning after when we were barely awake he said "passive." He has no recollection of this.

I do find the whole thing odd as I can't understand what he'd get out of the jokey lies or confusing me, I cant see what he'd gain from it. But again, thanks for shedding some light.

He's someone who lies for no reason. Not good. Also rather bizarre. I'd leave him laughing at his own unfunny jokes and find someone more genuine.

X post. A charming and charismatic control freak, as well as an habitual and bizarre liar? Run, don't walk!

He's the idiot, why do you feel you are - oh and he's a liar too, take caution OP.

Best case he "thinks hes funny", worst case theres some deeper thing going on.

If you really really like him apart from this Id be tempted to do the "going cold and disinterested, hmm, how boring" reaction to see if he stops when he realises what a turnoff it is for you (and most normal people).

If youre not really keen, then end it, its not worth the hassle.

I went out with someone once who had to attend 'business' in the west country. He came back in a 'stolen bmw which was in a lock up' two days later the stolen bmw was an audi and had been torched. It was all bullshit and I dumped him as I didn't want to be associated with a criminal. Except he wasn't a criminal he was just a fucking twat.

Oh and he had actually gone West in his mates Nissan micra i found out later!

You're almost desccribing some psychopathic traits. Check out http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/10737827/Psychopaths-how-can-you-spot-one.html this article

The list in full is: glibness and superficial charm, grandiose sense of self-worth, pathological lying, cunning/manipulative, lack of remorse, emotional shallowness, callousness and lack of empathy, unwillingness to accept responsibility for actions, a tendency to boredom, a parasitic lifestyle, a lack of realistic long-term goals, impulsivity, irresponsibility, lack of behavioural control, behavioural problems in early life, juvenile delinquency, criminal versatility, a history of â??revocation of conditional releaseâ?? (ie broken parole), multiple marriages, and promiscuous sexual behaviour.

link Love a bit of armchair psychology!!!