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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

New Boyfriend a bit of a prude!

39 replies

ElsaOfEmmerdale · 26/02/2015 11:25

Ok so new BF of six-ish months is wonderful in almost every way!

Don't get me wrong, the sex is good, mainly cos I fancy him a lot but I'm beginning to think he might not have the stamina to keep up in the long term!

He often says that he thinks people should maintain some mystery. So he's not a farter or a poo-while-your-in-the-bather! Which is brilliant obviously! Although my previous relationships have always been a bit more relaxed and I do keep getting a stomach ache from holding a trump in (joking!!)

But part of the mystery he likes to maintain means he leaves the room to get changed for bed! (He always wears pyjamas and I end up having to take them off!!). He also turns away while I get changed so I wouldn't get embarrassed apparently. I told him he really didn't need to worry about that and could gawk all he likes!

I think he is pretty body conscious, I don't know why, I really like him.

He isn't adventurous at all, which surprises me as he often jokes about spanking! I'm naturally more adventurous but not confident enough to keep taking the lead.

Do you think it's possible to loosen somebody like this up? It's very surprising as he is such a chilled out, funny man and I honestly think it's more of a lack of confidence thing then a general boringness.

Please don't say it's a lost cause! I can't get him drunk as last time I did that it then didn't errrrrrrm work properly and he ended up feeling awful!

OP posts:

Twinklestein · 26/02/2015 11:30

I think you have to accept him as he is.

The turning away when you get changed thing is odd and could potentially dent your confidence. It's certainly a bit of a passion killer.

pineapplewoman · 26/02/2015 11:32

Sorry I got a bit stuck at the poo in the bath bit

oldcroneat39 · 26/02/2015 11:32

Get him to take the lead? Ooo i know a game for that. It's called kiss lick bite.
The person not necessarily keen to suggest / communicate things in bed decides where a kiss / lick / bite goes.
Then you can either swap round.
The idea this is a bit of fun. But can reveal some unexpected reactions that they might ask for again.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 26/02/2015 11:35

pine, she means poo on the toilet whilst your in the bath, not actually poo in the bath

pineapplewoman · 26/02/2015 11:42

puds11 oh thank goodness for that, the mental images were too much

Pancakeflipper · 26/02/2015 11:45

Thanks for explaining that Puds11. I was thinking "crikes I must be prudish too,that's gross, or is my issue cos' I wouldn't like to poke it down the plug hole and have to clean the bath after?"

Original poster

ElsaOfEmmerdale · 26/02/2015 11:52

Oh goodness! Sorry! I've just read it back and it does sound a bit like that.

No, that's definitely not the kind of loosening up I'm after!

Thanks for the suggest old

OP posts:

Original poster

ElsaOfEmmerdale · 26/02/2015 11:52

Hahaha! That has had me giggling over my brew

OP posts:

CatKitten · 26/02/2015 11:55

I was thinking "crikes I must be prudish too,that's gross, or is my issue cos' I wouldn't like to poke it down the plug hole and have to clean the bath after?"

ROFL

Sark · 26/02/2015 12:01

Maybe he is hiding that he doesn't like his own body. Otherwise a bit odd.

Missqwerty · 26/02/2015 12:09

Has he grown up in an environment where he's lead to believe being sexual or looking at the female body is bad?

I agree with him on the pooing and farting though. Never will I ever do that in the same room as my OH. I even put the radio on when I go!

pineapplewoman · 26/02/2015 12:16

Pancake what would you poke it down the plughole with??

NotLoveActually · 26/02/2015 12:19

Have you seen his body, as in does he keep the lights on when you're having sex? Is he ashamed of a tattoo/ mole/ birthmark etc?

mummymeister · 26/02/2015 12:21

he is not going to change, this is the way he is. you either have to deal with it the way it is by taking the lead and making the suggestions, put up with it or decide its too bigger a deal. I would love to be able to say its is going to change but ime it will actually get worse especially if you decide to have children and he will start to see you as mum not partner. sorry - everyone else is being light hearted so apologies if I am the party (bath ) pooper.

Joysmum · 26/02/2015 12:24

Ask him to strip you off

Milllli · 26/02/2015 12:29

Its only been six months. You don't know each other well yet. Give him time, he may be body shy.

MadeMan · 26/02/2015 12:35

"what would you poke it down the plughole with??"

A) Finger.
B) Other half's toothbrush.
C) Cotton bud.

The correct answer is on page 40.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/02/2015 12:42

He sounds repressed or inhibited rather than prudish. Someone like that can potentially be encouraged to lose their inhibitions by someone they grow to trust. Can even be quite a fun 'learning' process that brings you closer. All depends if you want to take on the role of tutor. You're not obliged to, of course.

SonnyJimBob · 26/02/2015 12:56

My boyfriend is a bit like this, he's self conscious of his body (weight etc ). He wears tops in bed, and I have tried to encourage him to be a bit more free, because to me he's perfect. I think it really comes with time, trust and gentle encouragement

pineapplewoman · 26/02/2015 13:57

MadeMan there's only one way to figure out if any of these methods will work. I may be gone for some time ...

gatewalker · 26/02/2015 14:58

Cogito has nailed it (so to speak) I think. This is repression rather than prudishness. Doesn't mean it'll be easy to shift it, though, but I his joking about spanking said it all to me.

You can encourage him and practise with him to let go. It all depends on whether he is aware of what he's doing, whether he wants to change, and whether he can admit to wanting to change. Being able to talk about it is the first step.

Handywoman · 26/02/2015 15:51

MadeMan

ROFL!!!!!

daisychain01 · 26/02/2015 15:55

Poor you, I'd be a dead loss not being able to let out the odd Trump in bed at night, I think I'd explode, or float up to the ceiling.

A very dear friend of mine is a non-farther non swearer but he's a wonderful person. I guess I couldn't get together with him though, we just wouldn't be romantically or methane compatible.

daisychain01 · 26/02/2015 15:56

Oops typical iPad doesn't have the word farter in the dictionary ha ha

shovetheholly · 26/02/2015 16:06

I definitely think you can work on this! (And it'll be fun for you both too). I would work on complimenting him and building up his self-confidence. It sounds as though he's just not used to being with a woman who is really into him!

I actually don't think it's a bad sign that he doesn't stare at you, salivating, while you get changed. I'm sure it's not that he doesn't think you're dead sexy - more that he's trying to show you some respect in a good way.

Before I got together with my now DH, I was utterly thrown by the fact he never stared at my body as I walked around at work. I used to be a model before I got ill and fat, and I was used to men reacting like that pretty much all the time. I actually expected him to gawp and even to make a pass at me. He didn't. When I complained about this to my best friend, she said 'So you're a feminist, who is always moaning about guys who behave like neanderthals, and then a guy turns up who doesn't, and you act like there's something wrong because he's not sexually harassing you?' Point was taken.

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