New Boyfriend a bit of a prude!

[ElsaOfEmmerdale]

Ok so new BF of six-ish months is wonderful in almost every way!

Don't get me wrong, the sex is good, mainly cos I fancy him a lot but I'm beginning to think he might not have the stamina to keep up in the long term!

He often says that he thinks people should maintain some mystery. So he's not a farter or a poo-while-your-in-the-bather! Which is brilliant obviously! Although my previous relationships have always been a bit more relaxed and I do keep getting a stomach ache from holding a trump in (joking!!)

But part of the mystery he likes to maintain means he leaves the room to get changed for bed! (He always wears pyjamas and I end up having to take them off!!). He also turns away while I get changed so I wouldn't get embarrassed apparently. I told him he really didn't need to worry about that and could gawk all he likes!

I think he is pretty body conscious, I don't know why, I really like him.

He isn't adventurous at all, which surprises me as he often jokes about spanking! I'm naturally more adventurous but not confident enough to keep taking the lead.

Do you think it's possible to loosen somebody like this up? It's very surprising as he is such a chilled out, funny man and I honestly think it's more of a lack of confidence thing then a general boringness.

Please don't say it's a lost cause! I can't get him drunk as last time I did that it then didn't errrrrrrm work properly and he ended up feeling awful!

who would poo while someone (anyone) is in the bath?!

No one with an en suite or a downstairs loo.....

I think time and trust will help with this. My DP is also one for a bit of mystery - he is a terrible farter (he has IBS so not his fault!) and even though it is a very regular occurrence he will still leave the room and blame the cat in the hallway even though the cat is on the sofa

He started off very reserved about sex but together we've done some new things, discovered what does it for each of us and become more confident at letting ourselves relax. I still don't like him to see me naked standing up (I'm ok once I'm laying down!) so will slide in under the covers or tell him to turn round while I get undressed. He thinks it's totally unnecessary but sweet.

"who would poo while someone (anyone) is in the bath?!"

I had a boyfriend once who was quite timid in comparison to me, sex was great but in the end we had to agree that we were incompatible - but there were other reasons. Even things like talking dirty - he just couldn't do it.

Though he'd turn away when I was getting changed and I thought at first that he was sparing my modesty but it was to spare him getting a boner so often

I reckon he's submissive.

Suggest spanking his botty and see what he says!

Right then, lots to reply to while I was at work...

"what would you poke it down the plughole with??"
A) Finger.
B) Other half's toothbrush.
C) Cotton bud.

Surely, you'd just have to fish it out? With a net or a poo-beaker!

daisychain01 I'll be honest, it is a bit of a challenge, usually by now I'd have relaxed in that area, mainly because my x's would have, but I do find this politeness quite pleasant actually!

I do think he has quite a low opinion of himself physically. I think he's gorgeous, really lovely, but yeah I get the impression his ex was a bit of a user and probably didn't install him with much confidence.

The trouble is, I'm not that great at bestowing compliments, I'm more of a "you're all right you" type of person but I will definitely try to give him a boost with more kind words.

I think it might be repression then, maybe I can bring him out of his shell. I think after a couple of glasses of wine, I can do that. I think.

mrscynical you laugh but I think you may have a point actually. He has said before now, he likes to have his hair tugged and be scratched and bitten? Ha! I've never really been one to do that, but maybe he really means it?!

And when we do have sex, he tends to start things off and then waits for me to take over! Maybe he likes it if the woman takes control more?!

And Cog, you have only lived with very polite people. My ex would always find time to come and have a poo while I was in the bath, despite their being two other toilets in the house. Not actually the reason he is an ex, but I can't say I miss it

ps no, he didn't do it IN the bath. I should remember to make that clearer in future.

I was serious actually as I had a very similar experience!

Suggest a bit of role play with you as a 'Mistress' - I think we both know what he'll say...

BUT - you must report back

In MN world isn't it a wire coat hanger for chopping up poo?

And I am not a poo troll.

Poo beaker/poo troll/wire coat hanger - it's like a parallel universe
I am also currently having a discussion about poo on Instagram - what is wrong with me??

I'm afraid I've got a different view to the other posters. I would see this as a huuuuuge problem, having been there and done that.

It does make a difference as to the reasons and exactly what is going on. Does he get up after sex and put his pjs back on? What a passion-killer. But it could be because he has a hang-up about something to do with his body, or he could be shy, which are things that can probably be overcome with time and increased trust.

But...well, all I can tell you is how it was for me with an ex-partner. Sex was great. But always in bed, under the covers, with the lights off and his eyes usually shut. He was not at all comfortable with me walking around naked - would always ask me to put on a robe or get dressed. He was generally a bit funny about nudity or hints of nudity in general. He was scandalised by that film The Calendar girls, for example. It all came from a very religious upbringing and that viewpoint of 'modesty' and sex and bodies all being a bit 'dirty'.

I tried to make allowances and understand but over the years it did really hit my confidence. There were times when I was upset as I felt he found my body too disgusting to look at, he didn't get any pleasure from doing that, quite the opposite. It made me feel ugly and 'wrong' somehow.

It's not the reason we split up but I did find it difficult emotionally and I really missed having a normal relaxed physical relationship like I'd always had with other men, not just sexually, but those lazy weekend mornings lolling around in bed chatting and doing silly stuff like trying to sneakily pluck out a chest hair to make him jump. Not feeling like I had to keep myself covered up. Being able to watch my partner getting dressed for work and thinking kwoooar nice bum. Having a partner who's eyes light up and who gives me a cheeky tickle when I'm getting dressed.

It became one of my must-have tick boxes after we split up. A normal, relaxed attitude to bodies/nudity/sexuality.

That is nothing to do with preserving any mystique. It's nothing like doing a poo while someone is in the bath (who the hell does that?). It's basically about feeling ashamed of their body, and your body, and the impact that can have on you is awful over time.

Just seen your post that you had an ex who would come in to poo while you were in the bath. Sorry, but that is not anywhere like normal or respectful of you. I've never heard of anything like that and if you are thinking that is normal, no, it isn't. But neither is your new chap's attitude. Don't go from one extreme to the other.

Sounds like he's up for some kind of domme/sub play or relationship. Try looking at blogs like dumb domme for inspiration