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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner can't ejaculate

29 replies

NC10000 · 22/02/2015 22:55

I have name changed for this. I have been with my partner just over two years, he has no problem getting an erection, but he cannot ejaculate.

He is finding this really upsetting, and he also gets embarrassed. He won't go to the GP, he says he has not come for around five years, either having penetrative sex, oral sex or masturbation.

We have googled it, apparently it is called delayed ejaculation, and as far as we can see none of the reasons there apply, ie alcohol, medication etc.

Has anyone had this problem, and would you be willing to share if you resolved it, how long this took and how (by PM if tmi)?

OP posts:
CountingThePennies · 22/02/2015 22:57

It sounds like a blockage somewhere

He needs to see a G.P

FarFromAnyRoad · 22/02/2015 23:01

Not had this problem but I just want to tell you not to hold your breath waiting for people to PM you with such intimate details. Would YOU do that?Hmm

whothehellknows · 22/02/2015 23:02

This did happen with an ex partner of mine, and it was as a result of some meds he was on.

He spoke to GP about reducing some of the meds, but in the meantime we just pulled out all the stops and tried half the stuff for sale on the Lovehoney site. Seriously, we tried everything. Eventually we found some gadgets that worked, and from there the floodgates opened.

Get him to see the GP and go shopping. If nothing else, you'll both have fun trying.

ShonaOCasey · 22/02/2015 23:05

bit harsh FarFrom? Confused
agree he needs to see the GP about his OP

Cristiane · 22/02/2015 23:05

My DP has the same problem NC1000 I wish I knew what to dobto help

What is love honey?

Cristiane · 22/02/2015 23:06

What to do to help I mean

FarFromAnyRoad · 22/02/2015 23:08

Harsh? Really? I didn't call OP names or swear did I? I think its a but off to be soliciting PMs on a subject like this when nobody knows who you are - that's all. However - if I'm mistaken and this is a totally ok thing to do then I'm happy to stand corrected.

Original poster
NC10000 · 22/02/2015 23:08

FarFrom, I searched old threads and some posters said they had suggestions and would pm the op as they did not want to post it in open forum, I am not suggesting at all I want every detail, just suggestions - and it is an embarrassing subject so people may not want to post publicly.

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 22/02/2015 23:10

My DH has this. Not sure what to suggest. He wouldn't see the Dr. We have been together for 13 years and have just worked together on what does and doesn't work for him IYSWIM. Are you TTC? DH has got to the point where it doesn't bother him so much. When we were TTC we both found it very frustrating but luckily he managed to time a very rare ejaculation with my right time and we conceived. Sorry if that's TMI. Good luck. Keep trying to get him to GP.

ShonaOCasey · 22/02/2015 23:11

What on earth is 'soliciting pms' when it's at home?
the OP is simply asking for advice which can be given in private or not or however anyone wants to...
nobody knows who anyone is on here do they ?

Original poster
NC10000 · 22/02/2015 23:13

I am not trying to conceive, it does bother him as he feels frustrated, I also do as it is if there isn't an end to sex IYSWIM

OP posts:
ShonaOCasey · 22/02/2015 23:16

He has not come for 5 years and wont see the doc?

Original poster
NC10000 · 22/02/2015 23:17

Shona - don't worry about it, there's always one isn't there?!
I must admit soliciting is rather strong, perhaps FarFrom thinks I am hoping for a mailbox full of bodice ripping emails, which I can get off on, rather than support with a personal issue a lot of people would prefer to discuss in private!! Hence I have come on here rather than ask friends in RL....
Hmm

OP posts:
Cristiane · 22/02/2015 23:18

I think it is a very sensitive issue shona, well it is for my dp
I read that the more insistent I was he sought help the less likely it would be that he came..
I wish he would ask for help though Sad

Original poster
NC10000 · 22/02/2015 23:19

No, he refused to go to GP as felt embarrassed. From looking at info online, a lot of the solutions are self help or therapy, not medical.

OP posts:
Cristiane · 22/02/2015 23:22

My dp says he enjoys sex and is fulfilled and is very content making me 'happy' but like you NC I wish he could ejaculate

ShonaOCasey · 22/02/2015 23:25

Well I understand that it is a sensitive issue and embarrassing but 5 years is a long time and there may be a medical issue causing the problem that could be easily sorted, surely it is best just to get it checked out? GPs deal with embarrassing things most days

Original poster
NC10000 · 22/02/2015 23:54

I know, I will try extra hard to persuade him to go, but he's so against it, it makes it an even bigger issue.

OP posts:
flora717 · 23/02/2015 00:04

5 years. Has he been out of relationships for a long time? I ask as I've had 2 partners who experienced this. Both had gone a long time 'without' and experienced a loss of sex drive to some degree.
As for a resolution. A whole lot of no pressure, relaxing being comfortable together in many ways.
But. 2 years is a long time. How long have you been working on this. Yes, it is embarrassing but really a GP might be the next route?

Notrevealingmyidentity · 23/02/2015 00:09

Is he on anti depressants by any chance ? I'm assuming not with the GP reluctance.

Original poster
NC10000 · 23/02/2015 00:12

He hadn't had sex for around five years prior to meeting me. He did used to be on ADs, sertraline which he came off about six months ago. The gp reluctance is only related to this issue.

OP posts:
SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 23/02/2015 00:15

I was going to ask about anti-depressants too. It is definitely a side effect of some types.

Ultimately though he will need to see the GP won't he?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 23/02/2015 00:16

X-posts. Sertraline is one that can cause delayed ejaculation for sure.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 23/02/2015 00:18

Really ? I don't know how long the effects last after stopping ...

Prozac certainly had a similar effect on me. It wore off though after a few months of taking it.

justjuanmorebeer · 23/02/2015 00:25

My dp has this due to citalopram and I posted about it last week.
Worth researching if the antidepressant side effects linger I suppose.