I just wondered if you could help me out with this without being too judgmental. I am married with two children and recently began an affair with a colleague who is also married with two children.
We have been working together for two years. For the first eighteen months we just enjoyed each others company and flirted a little bit. He was suggestive a few times but I always told him that as much as I found him attractive, I would never have sex with him because we were both married. However all of this changed a few weeks ago when we were alone in the office working on a project and he kissed me. I'm not sure how it happened but I do remember that it was one of the most passionate kisses I have ever experienced in my life and that I couldn't get him out of my head afterwards. Since then we have been intimate on one occasion (which has been amazing as far as I am concerned!) but we did not have full sex because we were in my car (shocking I know) and he had trouble maintaining his erection. I tried not to make an issue out of it but last week I felt I had to ask him what the problem was (because he didn't get very hard) and he told me that it wasn't me and that he tried to have an affair once before and couldn't get it up with her either. He had tears in his eyes when he told me and seemed really embarrassed and I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He says he thinks the problem is probably down to guilt but from what he's told me about his relationship with his wife, I'm not so sure he has sex with her either! He also said that he wants the affair to end between us (short lived I know but we have been sexting and flirting for a long time) because he feels guilty and can't handle it, but I can't help but think the real reason he wants it to end is because he is afraid the same thing might happen again. I know you will say that we both deserve this as we are both married and that we shouldn't be having an affair on the first place, and I am not about to argue with you, but I can't help but feel sad that our short-lived affair has ended this way and that it has left him feeling quite obviously distressed. I am in the process of getting divorced by the way (because my husband has been unfaithful to me) and although I don't know much about my colleagues circumstances, I have reason to believe he is not happy either.
My other concern is that he couldn't get hard because of me - I know he says he couldn't get a full erection because of guilt (and we were in a car) but I can't help but think it was my fault in some way. He told me that he really, really fancies me and that I shouldn't take it personally but I can't help wondering if I put him off in some way.
Sorry to ramble on but I really needed to get this off my chest.
Your comments would be much appreciated as I don't want the relationship to end and I can't decide what to do next.