How often are you meant to call your parents?

[battenberg123]

I call my parents about once/twice a week but I'm always getting comments from them like "You don't phone us enough" I've told them it's because usually I don't have anything to say! I'm doing the same thing working 9-5 everyday and my life really isn't that interesting!

Am I out of order for being annoyed with this expectation? I feel rather guilty now like I should be doing more even though I do see them at least once a month too. They are in their 60's.

I don't think there are any particular rules about it. I probably speak to my DM somewhere between twice a week and monthly depending on if anything interesting is happening. My DF slightly less often but rarely less than monthly.

They'd phone if there was something important and visa versa. But other people prefer more frequent contact.

I ring my Dad every few months.

We have no quarrel, like each other a lot, etc, etc BUT I have always done jobs that involve a lot of talking for a living and before he retired, so did he.

We don't have very interesting lives, or even interests in common and I live 200 miles away, friendly with people he has never met.

There's not a lot to say, and we're not keen on just talking for the sake of it.

I would say your parents need more hobbies, so that they don't rely on you for entertainment OR take them at their word, but say exactly what you have done 3 times in one week, and then just stop talking and when they ask why, tell them.

I think it varies enormously and depends on your relationship.

I speak to my parents every day unless I'm super busy. But I get on with them very well and we always have stuff to say and laugh and chat about.

I totally get the feeling guilty thing as they age though.

Maybe try calling them more often for a couple of weeks - not in the expectation you have much to say but more "just calling to hear your voice, check how you are type" way and see how it goes.

If they are saying that to you (call more often) they obviously enjoy hearing from you - and that's a good thing!

I am in my 60 s too. I speak to my 3 adult kids about once every 3 weeks. In between we occasionally text or email. I see them about every 5 weeks or so. We only contact each other if we have got something to say.

After a few years of this from my mum I snappily pointed out to her that the numbered buttons on the front of her phone meant it was enabled to make outgoing calls and she could call me whenever she wanted. I hate this whole thing that it's a duty for kids to call their parents and they ought to do it - I call mine when I want a chat, and they call me when they want a chat.

Talk to my mum about twice a week, see her and my dad generally every fortnight for a few hours. We're quite close really. I like chatting to my mum. But to be honest, nearly all the conversation now is about DD(3).

Could you maybe try calling them a little more often, but for shorter periods? So make a quick call for 5 mins, have a brief chat, and then go because you have to do something?

Do they ever pick up the phone and call you?....

Goodness. My Mum likes to speak to me every single day, since the day I was married. I see my parents once a week.

Note my words carefully.

is there a rule somewhere?
we speak daily or every other day, usually while i do the dishes or similar - makes the time pass quicker.
when i was in my twenties and busy, we spoke once a week or so
but they phone me equally often - its not a 'chore'

I think I weekly phone call is nice, at least every month unless they have done something to make you need to withdraw contact.

But I speak to my parents virtually every day. We discuss politics, life, worries, pets, everything really! I recognise this is exceptional and it's not because either side feels guilty.

It's up to you - my parents are divorced and live locally, they both live alone, work full time and are in their 60s but seem young for their age.

I generally phone my dad once or twice a week and he phones me more often. I see him usually once a week; when he finishes work early on a Friday we go for coffee & cake.

I speak to my mum every day on the phone nearly, she tends to phone me more than I phone her.

I have been quite ill recently (MH illness) and still having problems so they worry about me and that is why they phone.

Also I think my mum enjoys my company as we go shopping or for coffee quite often, or she calls round for a cuppa. And if I'm honest I enjoy seeing her, we're like friends.

If I was in a relationship I wouldn't speak to them as often and they would accept that.

My friends are very close to their parents too.

Never. Talk via text/whatsapp every couple of days but I hate talking on the phone, I'd say I speak to them on the phone maybe twice a year! Still very close though. DH's parents live abroad and FaceTime us once or twice a week usually.

I never call mine. My family don't like talking on phones! We text and email instead.

I called mine today for the first time in, well, I can't remember how long. Weeks.

I can go a month or more without talking to them.

Your parents are complaining you don't phone enough? Can they not dial out?

Once or twice a week for my parents, more when one of them is ill.
Before DH's DM passed away we were on twice a day to check she was OK.

I speak to mine daily, I don't think there's a right or wrong though! It depends on all sorts of factors. Could your mum not call you if she wanted to?

Mine are both dead now and i wish i'd called them a whole lot more.

I speak to my parents twice a week, I phone them at the start and they call me towards the end. My mum will often have my DS for me too when she's got an odd day off so I'll chat to her more beforehand to arrange stuff/find out what shes got planned if that's the case.

I feel quite close to my parents and don't feel like I need to ring them out of guilt or obligation, I do it because I like chatting to them. But I couldn't talk to them more than a couple of times a week or we'd run out of stuff to say!

My cousins phone their mums daily, as does SIL with my MIL. I wonder why and what they find to discuss? But it's up to them I guess. MIL often ponders aloud why she hears so much from SIL but very little from DH, and it's because he's crap on the phone and doesn't know what to say!

There is no rule surely it depends on your family. I think the 'older generation' might still think of phone calls in terms of being costly, hence the reluctance to pick up the phone themselves?
I speak to mine about once every few months, and usually it's them phoning me. I left home and moved abroad in the late 80s and as a student it was tricky and expensive to phone or receive calls... So we stuck to sporadic letter writing, later to be replaced by email, and never got into a habit of phoning. Mails are also never in any fixed interval though. Works for us. I can't rely on my parents mobile being charged or heard either or I might text them more often.

I speak to my mum on the phone daily, she is disabled so check she OK or does she need anything. Plus I love her dearly.

About 2/3 times a week here, but more because it's expected than because I actually have anything to say or a real desire to speak to DM (no DF). Drives me nuts that she refuses to call me EVER ("I don't like to you might be busy") but then gets upset if I don't phone her every couple of days!!

For 20 years, I spoke to my mum twice a week (Sundays and Wednesdays at 7 to be precise). We pretty much did the actual dialling 50:50.

Unfortunatly as mums dementia took hold, I spent more time talking to my dad, and now she doesn't do well on the phone at all. I speak to dad nearly every day, though its more about him offloading than me talking, and tbh his interest in our lives is pretty limited

for you CMOTDibbler.

I think it depends on whether you like them or not. My mum once a week, my dad, maybe once a month, my two brothers once a month, my sister almost never( I don't like her or her family and she doesn't like me - chalk and cheese). My in-laws never, I can't stand them. And as for my myriad of SILs (I have 8 and Lord, that's too many for anyone) I only speak regularly to one of them. She's lovely. The rest are boring.

My children ring me once or twice a week and their dad about once a fortnight. This is when they have time to talk to us, or want to talk to us. We text them rather than phone so as not to interrupt their lives.

I call my DM usually once a week, but pop round twice a week. She lives about half an hour's walk away. She's 81 and fiercely independent so I take my lead from her.

It's almost a year since DDad passed away and I feel constantly guilty that I'm not calling her daily. We don't have the kind of relaxed, chatty mother /daughter relationship that some do, so my calls to her are generally quite short and to the point. However, I asked if she'd like me to call or pop round more often and she said, 'God no, what for?'.