DD1, 13yrs wants to go "clubbing" please help me talk to her

[CurlyWurlyCake]

She has been asking for ages to go with friends to a night club that has under 17's nights during the week in the school holidays.

Apparently all her friends go but so far "no, you aren't going" has been enough but now she is ramping the request up.

Tonight she said in passing that she was going to arrange a sleepover at a friends and "just go with them"

I don't know her friends mums very well although we have her friends here over night and visa versa, I personally wouldn't take them for a night out without checking with their mum but I can't be sure they would check with me iykwim.

I want her to know I trust her, because I do, but... Clubbing with 17 year olds isn't something I want her doing for all sorts of reasons.

Do I tell her my worries or just stick with no, because I said so?

What if a fight breaks out, some one starts on her? What if an older boy tries it on and doesn't take no for a first answer?

I have lots of reasons why I think she shouldn't go but I don't know how to get it across to her without the major sulks and the whole "every one else is going"

My parents stopped me from going to these types of things even though they were extremely tame and all it did was exclude me from my peers, made me feel like I was seriously missing out and just led to a lot of resentment and further on( 15years old) much more serious rebellion. The disco is for UNDER 17's, give her a chance to grow up!

I was in your DD's position at 14, while I was still a good girl. My mum had long chats with my friends' parents and let us go to the under 17s night with one parent dropping and another collecting. There was a bit of snogging and fumbling, but no booze and no much older kids. I'd let my DD go on similar terms. It was the less supervised environments that made my poor mum go grey.

My DD started wearing all my clothes at that age.
I'd like to say it gets better but mine is 17 and still wears all my clothes, and boots and shoes!

I hope she enjoys it.

My parents let me go to those under 18 events....what they didn't know is we'd go there for pick up and drop off and head to 'proper' clubs ;-)

She's 13...she may well be interested in boys, sorry!!

I wouldn't let mine go (but then she's 3...)

I would say yes but would say I will take you all and pick you up. I say this as the voice of experience with teenage girls you need to be very specific as to exactly what you are consenting to.

I didn't let my ds go to these until they were 15 as I thought they were more mature then.
some of their friends went earlier but we live in a rough area and I was worried about the older lads there causing trouble.
What type of area are you in and what type of kids are they?
I would ask parents you know or kids themselves the average age.
There weren't many 13 year old girls going when my ds went.
I think you are right to hold back a bit, or maybe trial one night and pick her up, not allow sleepover too.

Do you have those kinds of clothes in your wardrobe that you wouldn't want your 13 year old wearing OP?

If so, hide them or tell her you don't think they are appropriate at the moment.

A regular holiday time once a month fixture here my dn comes over to me with her hair stuff, etc.etc, spends ages in my bathroom, comes looking pretty well as she had when she went in, I drive her to the venue and pick her up at 10 when it finishes, sometimes dropping off a friend of hers too, as I've got a reciprocal arrangement with the friend's parents. Dn then stays the night with me.

nothing not to love about that

Comes out...

But it really takes a long time putting on that lip balm stuff