And some examples I've just made myself howl over. God I feel sick.
Ignore bit in brackets, was starting to write where I can't seem to do any more and surprised self by continuing to write this basic timeline!!!
Shall I just send solicitor that and not the long version?
Missing out all the details about exactly how scary h is to me and how disturbed he is:
Eg I woke to find him strangling me in his sleep/ trying tobreak my neck as he reenacted torture in his dreams (I think he has PTSD, grew up in a war zone, v disturbed man. Who doesn't get help or see the risk)
Or the neglect to DS
Eg his out of control sleep problem which means he goes unconscious at any time and can't stop himself, hits out when I try and wake him.
When Ds was a baby he'd fall asleep any time h was left unsupervised (& when he was super used it didn't stop the problem, but stopped the risk to DS). Eg. He DROPPED ds on the floorboards and slept straight through the screams of his fallen baby. Lots of EGs of neglect when I couldn't be there to stop it, like when he smeared poo around the living room whilst h slept. Of when Ds ate a cigarette h left out with his lighter as well...
I am guilty. But I had to go back to work even though I was v v ill and also had many Hosp appointments (most of which I had to cancel), and H wouldn't work to help, and looked after Ds so badly it only continued for a few weeks. I am a bad mother. I couldn't protect my child. I had no idea that adult ss could provide carers and help me. I had no idea that there was any option but to carry on trying to keep Ds safe by self, with h still there. He was an abusive twat but without him I couldn't get to the front door, feed myself, wash... And when he'd storm off for hours/ days after an argument I just had to manage without. At least Ds was young enough to be breast fed so didn't suffer when that happened.
Even when I paid for nursery, h refused to get up to take him, or bring him back. It was a 15 min bus ride. Once He failed to pick Ds up from nursery one afternoon and due to nursery error in calling my mobile wrong Ds was there until 1930pm!!!! I had to pay £270 and they were going to call ss when they finally realised they weren't calling my mobile. Thank God they realised. Poor Ds had cried himself to sleep waiting for his parents that didn't come.
And then the one I'm very ashamed of, when he hit me very hard. He hit me with such force on my chin/ top of neck that even with his hand open (so slap more than a punch), I flew across the room and snapped my head into the wall. I couldn't see through the grey clouds and think I lost consciousness for a second or two. My head got thrown straight back and my neck got hurt. He taunted me and wouldn't let me get to the phone to call the police. Then I stood between him and the bedroom to protect Ds, though given the strength of him, and me weedy at the best of times but me getting ever more ill and disabled, I couldn't have done anything. I had bruises and used fuxking cover up on them. He said he hadn't hit me that hard, and I was exaggerating to make him feel bad and it was my fault for 'shouting at him in his face'. One if the main things I struggle with now is my neck and head. Can't sit up too long as neck too weak or travel in a car/ train/ bus unless I'm lying down. It was only writing that damn summary that I realised why my neck was ok before then, then strangely not ok ever again. I didn't relate it to the hit until now. The strangling won't have exactly helped before that either.
Or the time before I was pregnant when I persuaded him to see a psychologist. I went with him cos he was scared, though I had work deadlines I worked through the night before to ensure I could go with him to the sodding appointment across town. Walking back to the train station my leg gave way in the middle of a road, and I fell down like I was pole axed. He refused to help me. Lying in the road bleeding and hurt, he dragged me to the gutter then just watched me as I cried and pleaded for help. He sent away a taxi that a guy in the shop had called for to get me to hospital. He sent it away. I couldn't get to it on my own, I couldn't move and I was shaking so much. I called an ambulance but they said I should get myself to a&e as 'just falling over' and hurting my leg wasn't an emergency. So I lay there for an hour. In the street. With passerbys staring and h swearing at anyone who tried to approach me. I guess they thought I was drunk.
Or when he went to sleep leaving Ds poorly and alone - I came in 15 mins later as I could sense something was wrong and Ds was very ill. I tried to wake h and was panicking, h swore and shouted and passed out again. I phoned nhs direct, then gp who said to come straight away, and by the time I got there Ds was floppy and unresponsive, and gp debated whether ambulance necessary but thought taxi would be quicker (?) so receptionist lent me the money and put us in a cab. Spent all day w Ds in bed in the Hosp until thank god they got his temp down and diagnosed an ear nose and throat and chest infection, and not meningitis as had been the gps fear. H didn't even call when we didn't come back from the gp, and didn't give a shit when I said he was in hospital.