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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is this emotional blackmail?

56 replies

norush1205 · 15/02/2015 23:20

Good evening all; another bloke here! I'd like some opinions from the ladies regarding my current situation. I was in a long term relationship which fizzled out several years ago; we fell out of love; I moved out but we have remained friends.

5 months ago I met my current lady friend and made her aware that I was still on good terms with my ex. All was well to start with but last week she suddenly decided that she couldn't cope with me being friendly with my ex, and unless I stopped all contact with her, we were done.

So ladies, am I being unreasonable to stay friends with an ex? I'm prepared to let the new lady walk away as this is emotional blackmail in my book and I'm not going to be dictated to.

OP posts:

Joysmum · 16/02/2015 17:08

It's fine for her to set boundaries, it's fine for him to reject them.

That's not controlling, that's stating what she needs and him saying no, bye bye

BathtimeFunkster · 16/02/2015 17:28

I don't think it's really OK for your "boundaries" to involve demanding your recent boyfriend cease all contact with someone he has known for years.

That is not a good person to be.

Wotsitsareafterme · 16/02/2015 17:38

Trust and acceptance are surely the basis of a relationship.
Also advice I was given once was 'I want you not cheat on me because you don't want to, not because I've removed every opportunity for you to'

SolidGoldBrass · 16/02/2015 17:45

Anyone trying to dictate to a new partner about who s/he can be friends with or spend time with is going to be too much like hard work. Jealousy is also a hallmark of abusers. You did the right think in standing your ground OP.

magoria · 16/02/2015 17:50

I think you are doing the right thing.

Anyone telling me 5 months into a relationship who I can or cannot see would also be allowed to walk away.

At least you found out now rather than a year or so down the line when you were more involved than just dating.

FryOneFatManic · 16/02/2015 20:12

I wouldn't let a boyfriend of 5 months tell me who I could or could not see.

In my case, DP was married before, for about 18 months. His divorce was just finalised when I met him, 28 years ago.

He always said they should have remained friends and not got married, and in fact, I probably see far more of his ex as we share a mutual activity and see each other regularly, getting on really well. I've never felt the slightest bit of jealousy.

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