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Original poster

Just broke up with boyf on Valentine's night

41 replies

BusyHomemaker · 15/02/2015 01:04

It just came out and I had no idea it was going to but once it's said there's no going back. I've posted recently about how I wasn't sure he was right for me but he's actually done nothing wrong. It just hasn't feel right even thousands gh he's lovely. We went out for dinner then to bed and I couldn't go through with dtd as it just felt wrong to lead him on any further. Events kept coming up which prevented me from ending things as it felt cruel timing wise and there were more events on the horizon... His sister's hen do and wedding (I've only met her once but was included in the plans, which was really thoughtful of his family). I think boyf suspected something was up but he's clearly hurt. I can't believe I've done this tonight. I don't expect sympathy at all, just needed to get it off my chest :(

OP posts:
sykadelic · 15/02/2015 01:10

If we waited our entire lives for the "perfect time" to do something it would never get done. I don't think you did a horrible thing at all.

I was still with my ex when my sister got married. He's in some photos and I hate that. I should have tried harder to leave but I didn't want to cause a fuss.

He's going to be hurt and sure, there may have been better days but it's done now and it's better than dragging it out further.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 15/02/2015 01:14

I chucked someone on their birthday once.

Original poster
BusyHomemaker · 15/02/2015 01:22

Thank you for your kind words skyadelic. One of the reasons it's been playing on my mind is that I don't want to be in wedding photos knowing things aren't working out. Just wish I'd timed it better. Feel terrible but he must feel worse. Although, if I'm being honest, I do feel relieved, like the pressure has been lifted.

Whatsgoingoneh you made me snort! Thank you for sharing.

OP posts:
sallysparrow157 · 15/02/2015 01:47

My lovely lovely stepmum chucked her first husband on the day of his driving test. She still feels guilty that he failed. I bet the fucker doesn't feel guilty that she never had her own children coz he didn't want to (but immediately had several kids with his next wife who was already waiting in the stalls). And he failed his next driving test too, so he actually failed cos he was quite shit at driving.

Silverdaisy · 15/02/2015 02:12

Don't worry. It's only Valentine's day, not the anniversary of a loved ones death. As others have said there is never a good time to break up with someone.

If not today then, you might find yourself saying it is shrove Tuesday "he loves pancakes"

MojaveWanderer123 · 15/02/2015 08:39

Why couldn't you have done it the day before or after? Valentine's Day will forever be the day this guy got dumped but hopefully he'll find someone who loves him to death and it'll mend his heart and you will be forgotten. Just as you will hopefully find the man of your dreams and will no longer feel guilty about your incredibly insensitive timing.
Next time just say you've got a headache and dump him the following day, much kinder.

DollyRocker1 · 15/02/2015 09:25

About 10 years ago I was dumped on valentines day. It was my first valentines day with a boyfriend. Although we'd only been going out 5 months, it came as a huge shock. I was looking forward to a romantic evening. Instead I got 'I don't see us having a long term relationship' and a long drive home in silence.

I kept thinking why couldn't he have waited til the day after but I presume guys in their early 20s don't think like this. I've laughed about it since with friends and boyfriends since but I still don't like valentines day.

NamesNick · 15/02/2015 09:28

I left my my ex husband on christmas day.

just could not take any more.

never a good time to dump someone, but it's gotta be done

FolkGirl · 15/02/2015 09:33

Because, mojave, if he were one of the rare men who gives a shit about valentine's day, dumping him the day before would still have meant he was dumped on v day and dumping him the day after would have meant he'd know v day had been a sham.

It's not unkind to end a relationship you don't want to be in. Dragging it out and pretending is. You did the right thing.

sonjadog · 15/02/2015 09:35

Being dumped on Valentine's Day sucks, no doubt. But personally, I'd find it much worse if someone was lovely and romantic with me on Valentine's Day and then dumped me a couple pf days afterwards. I would feel that the whole VD had been fake and I would feel humiliated.

So the day before VD would have been better, but when you feel you have to dump someone, it's best to just get on with it.

LadyLupin · 15/02/2015 09:45

I dumped someone on valentines day years ago. I had only been seeing him a few weeks and he was driving me crazy. He was just to full on. He came round on valentines day to cook me a lamb dinner, he bought presents and kept hugging me and it was suffocating. I phoned a friend and said 'let's go out' just so I had an excuse to get him to leave, but he didn't take the hint even as I got ready. He said he would wait for me to get back so we could have a romantic night together.

I stayed out until 2am in the hope that he would have given up and gone home. He hadn't, he had spent the evening cleaning behind things in my kitchen (he had even moved the fridge!) and then gone to sleep in my bed.

I woke him up and asked him to leave, he cried and said he loved me, I ended up screaming at him to get out of my house.

He came back and cried on my door step every day for 2 weeks saying that he loved me and wanted to marry me. Then he asked for his valentines presents back.

Thumbwitch · 15/02/2015 09:45

Meh, don't worry about it.
My first fiancé left on Valentine's Day some years ago, and although it sucked massively, it wears off. Being single on VD is enough of a poke in the eye, so having it be the anniversary of the time you were dumped (and after 11y it was a bit of a biggy) just added icing on the cake.

Of course it would have been kinder to do it the day before, but in the end, VD is just another day in the year and he was going to be hurt whichever day you did it.

Best to be honest.

SearchingForSomething · 15/02/2015 09:48

Sallysparrow I just laughed out loud at your post. Thank you!

Busy Like most people have said, you did the right thing in breaking up. It's hard to do at any time but the longer it was dragged out the worse it would be for you both. I agree with the idea that a sham V day, then being dumped, would have been worse.

I honestly can't imagine many men bearing long term emotional scars about the timing to be honest. And at least every Valentine from this day forth will be a significantly better one.

sonjadog · 15/02/2015 12:26

"And at least every Valentine from this day forth will be a significantly better one."

This made me laugh, Searching. It's exactly the kind of hopelessly tactless comment I'd come out with if someone told me they had just been dumped on VD.

Original poster
BusyHomemaker · 15/02/2015 15:46

I think it was the fact he started dozing off when we were out to dinner that gave me the kick up the arse. I can't spend my life with someone who can't make it through dinner on a Saturday night! I know it was terrible timing though and didn't go down well so he stormed off before we could have a proper chat. Thanks for your (very un-expected) kind words and sharing stories and I'm sorry to those of you who have been on the other side of this. I was once dumped on my lunch break on the day we were supposed to be going on a mini-break! That sucked!

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 15/02/2015 15:50

Oh ah, that reminds me of the next worst timing of being dumped - 3 days before Christmas! But he was a friend before, and a friend after - it just wasn't working and he was really upset about doing it - I just said "all right, but since we've arranged to go away on Boxing Day, you're still taking me, ok?" and he did. And we still managed to have a nice time - I guess we just weren't compatible as a romantic couple well we definitely weren't as it turned out a couple of years later that he was actually gay

Original poster
BusyHomemaker · 15/02/2015 15:53

Well, just discovered he's blocked me on facebook. I'm absolutely gutted. Guess I deserve it.

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 15/02/2015 15:53

I chucked my husband (after a period of counselling) on his birthday. I ditched a boyfriend on NYE.

Joysmum · 15/02/2015 15:58

Why wouldn't he block you? People are often advised to go no contact to recover so he's doing the sensible thing, as did you.

Thumbwitch · 15/02/2015 15:58

Oh look, he's probably smarting right now. He may come around, he may not - but you dumped him because you didn't want to be with him, so probably in a few days you won't even care.

aeon456 · 15/02/2015 15:58

I had an ex take me out for a meal for Valentines day and buy me a present of a teddy bear and then end it soon after as he said he'd been seeing another woman as he felt lonely! He'd been meeting up with her at a motorway service station!

It showed me that, just as I've always suspected, the people who go over the top with cliched displays of 'romanticism' are often fake as fk!

Original poster
BusyHomemaker · 15/02/2015 17:22

aeon that's just terrible Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
BusyHomemaker · 15/02/2015 18:04

Now I can't stop crying. What if I've made a mistake? How do you know if you've made a mistake?? I need to get it together...

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 15/02/2015 18:44

That fact that you said earlier you felt relieved would be a big indicator that you did the right thing.

Ending a relationship is always hard, but there's no point leading someone on if you're not sure you want to be with them. (And if you did want to be with them... you'd be sure.)

ggg123 · 15/02/2015 18:50

This is actually loke reading my own post. Exactly the same story but it ended Friday after we had been out for food and a film. He bought me a lovely gift and when it came to bed time I couldn't :( I have really hurt him. He deserves someone to love hom back. I have tried to feel different but can't. In 5 years of being single he is yhe only guy who was lovely to me. I have cried all day :(
I know exactly how you are feeling right now, its not nice! I feel so mean!

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