Just broke up with boyf on Valentine's night

[BusyHomemaker]

It just came out and I had no idea it was going to but once it's said there's no going back. I've posted recently about how I wasn't sure he was right for me but he's actually done nothing wrong. It just hasn't feel right even thousands gh he's lovely. We went out for dinner then to bed and I couldn't go through with dtd as it just felt wrong to lead him on any further. Events kept coming up which prevented me from ending things as it felt cruel timing wise and there were more events on the horizon... His sister's hen do and wedding (I've only met her once but was included in the plans, which was really thoughtful of his family). I think boyf suspected something was up but he's clearly hurt. I can't believe I've done this tonight. I don't expect sympathy at all, just needed to get it off my chest :(

Are you crying because he's blocked you and now it seems definite you feel mean, or because you really want to be with him?

ggg123 that's uncanny!

I'm partly crying because I'm gutted and partly due to guilt. I miss him. The thing is we had been together for 9 months and it always seemed so casual. We just weren't moving forward and I know he was happy like that but to me it's always felt like something was missing. Even though he treated me well and loved me there was no passion. He's never want to see me, just because. It was always pre-arranged and predictable. Weds nights and Sat night/Sunday every week. It was almost like the type of relationship you have in sixth form. All very casual, despite intense feelings. I'm probably over analysing. I'm a fool for letting the break up happen the way it did. There was no closure and now he's hurting and so am I.

Wow! Same same same! I don't have any advice unfortunately as I have posted tonight looking for some too. So far I feel like its guilt that i have hurt him and but what if I don't meet someone so kind. All I know is I can't bring myself to sleep with him and thats unfair :(
I hope you feel better soon!

Guilt will definitely be playing a part, but do you think, either of you, that part of it is a deepdown realisation that you're on your own again? Because that's always a saddening feeling (Unless you prefer being on your own of course!)
Also, no one likes to be "the bad guy" and cause pain to someone else (pathological psychos aside) - and it's not nice to think that there's someone out there thinking badly of us.

BUT! You both ended it for a good reason - and that's what you need to hang onto now.

You will feel better soon, honestly.

Wise words, thank you

Writing how you feel in a journal ca help with getting it all out your system.

There was no closure and now he's hurting and so am I.

You don't get closure at the moment of splitting up. Closure arrives in your own head, independently of your ex, much later: weeks or months.

he stormed off before we could have a proper chat
When you've been chucked you don't hang around for a proper chat! You walk off and take a while to get your head in order.

By proper chat, do you mean that you expected to explain why you felt you had to dump him explain all his faults?

Then he would agree it is for the best and the two of you would go on your way with "closure" feeling OK with the world? Or rather you would feel better about dumping him.

Nah. It doesn't work like that. You break up. You both feel shit. Even if the relationship clearly wasn't working and you both wanted out. You wallow in that shit in your own time with your own mates on your own sofa away from the ex.

Just read that back, it sounds like I'm having a go at you. It wasn't meant like that. I meant: feeling bad about splitting up doesn't mean splitting up was the wrong decision.

Every break up is hard. Everyone involved always feels terrible. It doesn't mean you should have stayed together.

Thumbwitch yes thats probably it. Although I was on my own for 4 years before I met him. Bad dating experience and I feared I was letting go of something I wouldn't find again and I was hoping the sexual feeling would grow, selfish I know But I thought that maybe it was me. Your right nobody feels good about hurting someone.

Soo... I wrote boyf a letter and gave it to him after V day explaining I had made a mistake (I genuinely believed that I had) and now, of course, I realise I was a little hasty (understatement!). I think I felt guilty at how I had said what I said on Valentine's Day and because he stormed off we didn't get to talk and so I was left feeling confused. After a week of very little contact we had a chat and agreed it was worth giving things another go. I realise I've been a fool and been messing around with another persons emotions but I'm in a bit of a mess. The relationship is just not fulfilling and unsurprisingly it feels even worse now. He's absolutely lovely but I know he's not the one. Any advice??

I don't think you can ever go back. You have to do the right thing now. Don't let it go on any longer and end it today.

I know I need to end it asap. We only see each other at weekends and he's meeting friends this evening for drinks then coming to mine. I told him to enjoy his evening with his friends (which I would have done anyway) and suggested we see each other tomorrow as I have DD and will be taking her to church then I'm going for a run, so busy. I think I'll send him a text later explaining we need to talk and could he come round once DD's in bed. He'll know what's coming. It's hard though and I feel terribly for messing him around.

He's just sent me a few really lovely texts. Grrr, why does he have to be so lovely?? Maybe I need more time to think. Or I'm easily swayed? Or not sure of my own judgement? Meh.

Ended it the right way this time. He's angry. Don't blame him.

Feeling relieved and shitty all at the same time.

Oh well, onwards and upwards!

Poor bloke. Just leave him alone this time.

Agreed *Perfectlypurple"