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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Was he using me?

70 replies

livvy88 · 13/02/2015 16:47

It's been a year since me and my lo's dad split up. I hadn't even looked at anyone else until recently. I got asked out on a date and agreed. He's 7 years older than me and I felt this was a plus because chances are he's not going to be an idiot. So we dated, went out for coffee etc and it was really nice. He told me how much he enjoyed my company and wanted to see me more. We then agreed to have a night in at mine, takeaway, drinks and films. He was so lovely, really cuddly, really attentive. Then things got a little heated and let's just say, I didn't expect it but it was good... We talked after and he reassured me that it wasn't just a one night thing and that I needn't worry about it. I woke at 3am and he was getting dressed and said he better head off. I'm aware he had a funeral to attend next day but he literally hasn't spoken to me since. It's gone from always texting me, to nothing at all. I'm pretty upset because I finally bit the bullet and felt good about moving on and this happens! What should I do?

I know it's not because I have LO because he too is a dad.

Your views ladies?

OP posts:
livvy88 · 13/02/2015 17:15

Thank you. Like I said I will put this down to experience. I was with my ex for years so all this is so new to me. I guess I did have a lucky escape. Back to being alone where I'm safe.

OP posts:
NamesNick · 13/02/2015 17:16

livvy88 I wouldn't have even answered that question

livvy88 · 13/02/2015 17:17

What question?

OP posts:
ShipwreckedAndComatose · 13/02/2015 17:18

Nice, you are right is is really bad manners! The only excuse I can even begin to come up with is that he has been involved with a funeral... But that is clutching at straws.

It's an awful thing to do to someone else.

Jan45 · 13/02/2015 17:18

Sorry OP, I really am, did not realise this was actually well into a relationship.

In that case, he's being a complete wanker and that is really shitty behaviour, I'd call him out on it and see what he has to say.

lemisscared · 13/02/2015 17:19

pictish - can you tell me why you think that? why should it matter? if hes a keeper hes a keeper surely? if he is the sort to judge and run because the woman gave out on the first night then he isn't worth worrying aabout.i would think if all he wants is ons then it wont make any difference. unless of course the woman is expecting more and likely to be disappointed. i guess that works both ways.

NamesNick · 13/02/2015 17:19

the one about your child in the house. no ones business. and certainly nothing to do with your op.

Fugghetaboutit · 13/02/2015 17:20

Why can't a woman shag a man she's dating in her house Confused

He's a prick, op. Not your fault at all, especially if he'll wait two months to shag and dump, what a loser!

Jan45 · 13/02/2015 17:22

most guys would see that as a good possibility of getting a shag.

Pool, for god's sake, when did I say that, at least READ what I have written, idiot..........

jasper · 13/02/2015 17:23

OP how long is it since the 3 am departure?

monkina · 13/02/2015 17:23

How long has it been since you heard from him?...

Joysmum · 13/02/2015 17:23

How long has it been since that night?

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 13/02/2015 17:23

Don't let it put you off dating completely. If you want to be on your own, that's fine but don't choose it simply to avoid crap like this because many times you'll have a fab time. Sometimes the risk is worth it.

Quitelikely · 13/02/2015 17:24

Did you contact him? What happened

livvy88 · 13/02/2015 17:25

Long enough to know that I was messed around.

OP posts:
WaxOnWaxOff · 13/02/2015 17:26

It all depends on how long it's been since the night you spent together? If it was Wednesday, then he was at the funeral yesterday, I think a lack of texting up until now can be excused.

pictish · 13/02/2015 17:27

Ooh gosh it wasn't a first date was it? Sorry I misunderstood OP.

livvy88 · 13/02/2015 17:29

No, pictish- It wasn't. But it's okay, I took your comment on the chin.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 13/02/2015 17:29

Ring him and call him on it. Some times things need saying how they are.

If he didn't want to see you again, fair enough, just have the common courtesy to say so.

TokenGinger · 13/02/2015 17:30

OP, don't tske the first few comments to heart. Your original post is very misleading. You haven't ezplained it well. It appeared as if this had all happened in one night/first date.

TokenGinger · 13/02/2015 17:33

By the way, he's a wanker and you deserve more ??

Poolbirthx2 · 13/02/2015 17:34

Jan45 - i find your comments very rude and personal to op and myself - no need for the insults - shows what kind of person you must beGrin

AmonRa1 · 13/02/2015 17:36

He's just a shit, don't beat yourself up and ignore anyone who has been judgemental on this thread.

If he really liked you, especially if the sex was good too, he wouldn't have been put off/cared about having sex 2 days or 2 months in!

NamesNick · 13/02/2015 17:38

the op said they dated, had coffee, he wanted to see her more, they had a night in at her house.

that does not suggest 1st date at all.

Jan45 · 13/02/2015 17:41

Jan45 - "most met you know who got invited to a house this early on would be expecting sex"

Pool: above is your interpretation of what I said which was:
"most guys would see that as a good possibility of getting a shag."

My initial answer to the OP was based on this being a first or second date, again, if you read on from that you will see I apologised and based my answer on this being well into a relationship, you will notice others have been confused re the length of time the OP has been with this guy.

I can't help if it I don't believe in having sex with a man after one or two dates and I know from my girlfriends that a lot of men do dump a woman after getting a shag right from the start, I agree NOT ALL but is it worth the risk if you are going to feel shite.

If you are happy to have casual sex, enjoy it and move on then great, not all of us are.

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