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Original poster

It turns out he has a girlfriend.

47 replies

youaretooyoung97 · 13/02/2015 12:54

Long story short: I was with my (now ex) fiancé for 3 and a half years before I met this other guy. But when 'new guy' came on the scene, my whole world started to change. He made the world a happier and more beautiful place for me. I was seeing sunshine where I once saw clouds and I really started to learn to love who I was when I was with 'new guy'.
Obviously this effected my relationship with my fiancé. I was spending less time with him, feeling less for him and arguing more with him... And honestly, it was me who ended up giving up fighting for our relationship.

Anyway, new guy was there to comfort me and we've been seeing each other for about four months maybe? We ended up sleeping together and it's now come about that he has a girlfriend.
I let my walls down for new guy and let him in. I love him 100% and I love who I am when I'm with him 100%... He even says he loves me. But he won't tell his girlfriend about us or leave her... I don't want to be his bit on the side, but I don't want to be nothing to him, either.

What do I say? What do I do?

I've been driving myself in circles for 2 weeks now. I just need some advice. I need to make the right decision and be confident with it.

Girly chat is needed!

OP posts:
Quitelikely · 13/02/2015 12:59

Oh dear. How sad.

You have to look at what this man does and ignore what he says.

His actions are telling you one thing but his mouth is telling you another.

He loves his GF and that's why he can't bear to leave her.

He may well feel something for you but you have to decide if you want to share him.

He has known all along you were with someone else, you even broke t off to be with him and only then did he drop his bombshell.

The foundations of your relationship are very weak and from hereon in its going to be based on lies, deceit and stolen moments. Fine for him but do you like crumbs?

Auburnsparkle · 13/02/2015 12:59

dump him and go no contact - it is the only option surely?

Original poster
youaretooyoung97 · 13/02/2015 13:00

Oh, and new guy has been with his girlfriend for three years now?!

OP posts:
DontTurnAround · 13/02/2015 13:02

You are having a laugh aren't you?

You had an EA with this guy and left your fiance, now it turns out he has a GF. I think thats the ultimate definition of karma!

babbityann · 13/02/2015 13:03

I am not sure I can offer 'girly chat' but can you clarify a few things please?
So, you were engaged when you met and started a relationship with this man? And he is being unfaithful to his girlfriend with you? So you are 'his bit on the side' as he was yours when you were with your ex?
Did he know you were engaged when he started seeing you?

pompodd · 13/02/2015 13:04

I'm a man so can't really offer girly chat.

Surely you have to end it? He's prepared to cheat on his GF so doesn't that make him less attractive to you? Why do you think he wouldn't be prepared to cheat on you? Seems like he's made his choice (his GF, not you).

And weren't you also cheating on your fiance?

Not sure either of you are coming out of this well!

Cabrinha · 13/02/2015 13:04

You know what jumps out at me?
Not your ex, this arsehole or his poor girlfriend.

But that bit about loving who you are 100% when you're with him.

Why don't you love who you are ALL the time?

Get rid of him. I can't even say dump because he's not your to dump. Get him out of your space and leave men well alone until you 100% love who you are, 100% of the time.

When you lean in ANY man to like yourself, you will fail to be happy.

Original poster
youaretooyoung97 · 13/02/2015 13:04

We was friends when I was with fiancé. My chest is clear, I've cheated on no-one!

OP posts:
however · 13/02/2015 13:05

He doesn't love you. That's the truth. There's your answer.

Stuffed0live · 13/02/2015 13:06

I would hate to be 'new man's' girlfriend right now. Does this new revelation not change your opinion of him? What if he left his girlfriend to be with you? Could you ever trust him? Could he ever trust you?

Original poster
youaretooyoung97 · 13/02/2015 13:07

Stuffed0live I'm not saying trustin him would ever be easy. But is it my place to say anything to his gf? Or do I just o running off? Do I give new guy an explanation? Help!

OP posts:
babbityann · 13/02/2015 13:08

OK, so you didn't know he had a girlfriend when you started sleeping with him? How did you find out? Did he tell you? Eitherway, you need to stop this relationship now as you will end up getting hurt.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/02/2015 13:09

Whether or not you want to be his "bit on the side", that's exact;y what yu are.

He's using you for sex. He doesn't love you. That's the long and the short of it

Cabrinha · 13/02/2015 13:09

Well, he's not that good a friend if you didn't even know he has a girlfriend. Confused

Jan45 · 13/02/2015 13:10

You jumped straight into a relationship with him when you were with your Fiance so effectively cheating on him, now you have found out he's cheating on you - you sound pretty similar, if he didn't mind then why are you?

Seriously though, try being on your own and loving yourself for you before getting in deep with a guy who you clearly don't really know that well at all.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/02/2015 13:12

Your problem is with your two timing boyfriend, not his girlfriend. If you meant anything to him, he'd want to be exclusive. As it is you're OK as a bit on the side but that's as far as it goes. Your self esteem sounds incredibly poor and that's not going to be helped by embarking on a career as the OW. Sorry, but them's the breaks.

Allstoppedup · 13/02/2015 13:13

You may not have actually cheated but you say yourself your relationship suffered as a result of your friendship with this man. It's was very close to being an emotional affair.

That said, if your relationship wasn't working, it wasn't working and its probably for the best you distanced yourself and that it ended.

I think that the new guy has been tagging you along. He is obviously happy with his girlfriend if he is still with her after 3 years and is refusing to leave despite his claims of 'love' for you. You know from your own experience that those true feelings of infatuation have a marked impact on an existing relationship.

Get rid and find a way to make yourself 100% happy with who you are without a partner.

Auburnsparkle · 13/02/2015 13:13

Even if he did dump his poor unsuspecting girlfriend all you have bagged yourself is a cheat. If he did it to her, then he would do it to you. Well he kind of already has hasn't he?

Hissy · 13/02/2015 13:16

New guy? What new guy?

The guy who has a girlfriend? Who pursued you and you were flattered and fell for his bs?

Just because you didn't sleep with him until after the ex fiancé was gone, doesn't mean you were not involved in a covert relationship with this bloke. He's not "the new guy" he's somebody else's boyfriend.

The second you find this shut out, he gets dumped. It's that simple!

He's a cheating arse, and he targeted you for a bit of fun. And he got it, didn't he?

Move on, spend some time alone, find the way to love yourself. For the person you are and give yourself some value.

DontTurnAround · 13/02/2015 13:16

How good a friend could he have been though if you didn't know he had a girlfriend of 3 years??

Hissy · 13/02/2015 13:16

Shit not shut

brightreddress · 13/02/2015 13:17

To be honest you are swimming so deeply in an immorality quagmire you might as well just carry on and follow your desires.

coolaschmoola · 13/02/2015 13:17

Am I reading your username right, were you born in 1997 and are therefore around seventeen?

If so then yes, you ARE too young. Find out who you are, get happy with you 100% of the time and stop tying yourself to boyfriends.

BeCool · 13/02/2015 13:20

You're this guys bit on the side. Sorry. If it wasn't you it would be someone else?

Do you really feel you owe him anything at all? Walk away now. Or do you really want to be the one he cheats on?

brightreddress · 13/02/2015 13:20

Also don't try to retell what happened. You backed out of a marriage because you wanted to screw OM. Chalk it up to experience and move on. If you were born in 1997 as your nickname implies really don't worry - it's ok to make mistakes like this when you're young. It's if you're still doing it when you're 40 that you need to worry!!!