DP does nothing? - how did this come about

[BreakingDad77]

These threads or variations seem fairly common

I'm just curious was it like this at the start of the relationship and you moved in together or was it when you had kids? or just seemed to happen?

Good for you indantherene

So he has ONE job at the moment?

I think you need a cleaner. He has let the house get in to that state. He stopped doing anything. And there are two reactions to that, do his share (and that's not a good long term solution for a woman!) or, match his efforts.

If he gripes about the state of the house then he means 'you ought to do my share too'. hmm to that.

Wow- just did the womans hour survey. I work 82 hours per week to DH's 61 (this includes paid work, child care and housework combined).
This is quite a lot better than I expected- although obviously some way off equal.
Thanks for the link mylifepart2

Madder Pink you are my inspiration!

When we first got together my Dh didnt really do anything. His mum did all the housework and hadn't taught him anything about that or how to cook and do laundry so he needed training.

For years my DH didn't need to do anything at home when I became a carer for various member of his family and a SAHM because he was employed and I wasnt.

That's not to say he did 'nothing' as he worked hard and long hours so it was more about fair division of labour. My leisure time was so much more than his so I made sure that when he was home, there was nothing for him to do because it would have been unfair for him otherwise.

We then had an interesting period of transition last year when I took up full time studying. He then needed to reduce his hours to within normal overtime parameters and take up his share of the housework again. That was never going to be successful overnight but we got there.

We don't have kids yet and we do everything 50-50 in our house. Both bery happy (late 20s). My parents and pils are horrified!!!!!!!!!!!! My mom gave me a lecture on how I should not let him iron his own shirts because it's really mean. Then I told her he sometimes does mine too!!!! We had his parents over for a few days and his mother was furious that he was helping me in the kitchen. He was actually reallly proud of making dinner and hosting for the first time (until then we had always gone to our parents for the holidays).
We both work full time. Our parents have all been working full time all their lives. I don't understand it! How my partner turned out normal, I don't know. And my parents also keep telling me I shouldn't be so mean, that I might chase him away. FFS. Be happy I found a great guy who respects me and does not see me as a servant! My parents love him and can't seem to stop criticizing me and saying how I've always been so bossy and ambitious they did not think I'd ever find someone to put up with me.
I don't know the answer to your question though it's probably that they get lazy, especially when she goes on mat leave. Sorry for the rant. It just hit a spot because sometimes I'm afraid their message will get to him and he'll start expecting me to do everything.

Bloody hell, viva, your and DP's are probably my age (50-ish?) and I certainly don't think like that and nor do my friends even those a few years older.

Sorry your and DP's parents

LineRunner on the outside they don't seem that way at all. Both my DM and soon-to-be MIL are just as educated as their husbands, work same hours, bring in similar pay. And I was always encouraged to aim high etc etc BUT what does my mom do when she gets home after a 10 hr work day? She makes my dad a drink, cooks dinner, washes up, (helped me with homework), does the laundry, ironing, whatever needs doing, while my dad doesn't lift a finger. Same story with MIL (although she has recently said that she's very unhappy in her marriage, she's thinking of leaving FIL and dp's guess is that this is a big part of her unhappiness). And all these opinions have only emerged since we've told them we're going to get married. I don't even want to think about what their opinions on childcare will be