how much can i moan before i get accused of abuse

[Stinkydad]

I have a partner of 10 yrs and she is very opinionated / stubborn
I leave her do all the major decisions as this make my life easier ( if I have an opinion , its usually the wrong one , according to her)

I have recently tried to reduce or get her to justify her monthly home outgoings
£1700 pcm is paid into the joint account every month to pay for food ,elec , school , clothing etc etc

plus she has another £400.00 pcm from a property she lets out
but nothing is left at the end of each month , its all gone
I pay for all the major bills such as the car , holidays , heating oil etc etc
we live in the countyside and have a lovely village school but she sent our kids to another school 5 miles down the road ( I didn't agree to this but she did it anyway)
now things in work have gone a bit quiet and im trying to save some money for a rainy day just incase the worst comes to the worst
how can you tell someone to stop buying clothes in boden , shopping in Tesco , traveling 80 miles a week and to reduce her spending without being told that i'm putting her down all the time ?

How do I ask her without seeming to have a go....

I don't think you need to question the choice of optician provided they did a good job. However I think you do need to tell her that your work is not coming in the same, the income is reducing, and you'd like to discuss budgets, future plans etc

Out of interest, has marriage ever been on the cards? Does she feel financially secure? Would she be provided for if you died or if you split up? Any suggestion she's building up an 'escape fund'?

She obviously doesn't value the services in the village where you live.

Do you need to know why she went elsewhere re the opticians? Because she thought them better. That's her likely answer or maybe no other appts were available

Apologies if I'm wrong Stinkydad
You are giving me the impression that you want to control her.

Some things are joint decisions some stuff just isn't.
If you have left her to do all the choices previously, for whatever reason, and now because you decide to cut back then she will obviously not consult you.

It may be the vague answers but something is fishy.
Sleeping with the kids does make my spidey sense tingle.
Are they being used as a shield or are they being sheilded from something.

2100 a month on a family of 6 people is high, but not massively dodgey. I doubt she is keeping a secret man somewhere lavishing him with gifts and what not.

You both sound unhappy though. You need to have a straight forward chat about the relationship.

You feel excluded from decisions about family money. You would like more input. This is all understandable.

A lot if posters here will not trust you as you're a man, but

but yanbu!

Well if it was DH, he would probably ask why I had gone to that optician, out of interest, not because he was worried about the travel costs. And I would answer reasonably because I know he'd be asking for reasonable reasons. And we'd both assume that I was just doing the best for our child. But in your case you seem to really dislike your partner, so she will naturally be inclined to be defensive.

You'd be mad to move to Australia, your relationship clearly isn't strong enough to cope.

I think she has already checked out of the relationship. She is surrounding her self with the kids to keep you out of her bed.

You absolutly should have a say in what the money gets spent on. Stop being a push over. The schools, swimming lessons ect should all be discussed.

You have to figure out whether to STFU, try to come to some agreement or think about if this is the way you want to spend the rest of your life.

If it was me and I was at this point after trying to discuss/relate/seperate bedrooms I'd be packing a bag.

Good luck

A sensible conversation about the finances would be the best option.

If that option is not open to you then stop putting so much money into the joint account. If it isn't there it can't be wasted.

Over 2 thousand a month on food and stuff ???thats taking the piss. You need to talk to her.
Where is the joy ?do you love her ?