Depressed about depressed husband

[Fugghetaboutit]

It's really getting me down. He has cycles of negative thoughts and gets really down, distant, unaffectionate and disengaged.

Happens every couple/few weeks. He blames it on work, but his work isn't that stressful - no commute etc.

We have a 2 year old and been together 5 years, and I feel like a cheerleader. He's better when he goes to the gym and takes b vits but will stop and lose interest. I have to be on his case to go.

I'm sick of having to be around these low moods, they rub off on me. He's never happy or cheerful, he's either really down or just neutral.

It's fucking draining. I would hate my ds to have to creep around his moods or feel like his dad doesn't like him, because that's how I feel when he's down

Does anyone else live with someone like this? Do they try and help themselves as they know the effect it has on others?

A depressed person is not necessarily depressed 100% of the time, but turning it on and off at will is not depression. That is being a sulky manipulative arse.

What really pissed me off when we were talking was when I asked what I could do to help and he said 'just know not to start anything when I'm like this' I said I'm not walking on eggshells

Can't you even pretend you are going to leave him because that might jog him to get help? You read a lot about people waiting silently and patiently and finally when they are ready to leave, their partner is shocked shocked and begs for therapy etc. But by this point, it's too late.

My question is: can't you pretend to reach that crisis point now to "shock" him into acting? You are already planning to leave him. Why not tell him that you are going to leave him if he doesn't get it under control? It's true. He might be "shocked" into acting.

Done it, Lime, hence why he's in therapy! We actually did split for a couple of weeks. He does well and then reverts back to being down and negative.

He never strolls in smiling. Never suggests fun things to do.
Never grabs me and hugs/kisses me, I always initiate it unless I'm upset.

I know he was abused as a child and raised by someone with v poor mental health and personality disorders so that must've really affected how he relates to people and his mood.