Should I help bullied girl?

[theobserver1]

There is a girl at my school who seems to be being bullied quite a bit. For instance, the other day, people tore her bag so that it is effectively broken and then pushed her down. Also, rumours about her are being spread. I have never been bullied if fact some of the bullies are my friends. So far, I have just watched the situation from afar and not intervened. However, I get the sense that I should do something?

I would report them first because they've already done it, if you see what I mean.

By all means ask them what they think they're doing, and why - why would they want to make someone's life so miserable? how would they like it if someone did it to them? But I wouldn't try and take on the job of stopping them yourself, leave that to the teachers.

It brings to mind this quote

"To sin by silence, when we should protest, Makes cowards out of men"

Your silence on the matter both with your friends and the girl condones their actions.

Firstly I would tell a teacher and secondly I would start to distance myself from these so called friends.

You wouldn't want to be bullied by a group of girls and you know you can stop this. Please report them.

However, considering that these bullies are my friends. Would I be betraying them by reporting them?

You'd be doing them a favour, IMO.

They need to be helped to understand that their behaviour is wrong, or they risk becoming very unpleasant, toxic adults.

I do want to stop her being bullied. So I will do my best and maybe give my friends an ultimatum. It is not the fear of being bullied myself that I am worried about, I have never been bullied but I think I could deal with any bullies with relative ease. What I am concerned about is that if I try to get my friends to stop, it will just make them bully her even more.

Did you involve adults though, Hopping?

Agree the OP shouldn't deal with it alone, but professional adults are obliged to take bullying seriously now and deal with it, protecting the victim and the person who reports it.

I had never been bullied before either. I am a strong person who is a leader rather than a follower and very self confident. I would have been the last child you would imagine being bullied and you would have thought I would have been able to deal with bullies too!!
Good luck , I really hope I'm totally wrong about what could happen here.

OP, you have a responsibility to report this properly to the appropriate responsible adults.

It is not your responsibility, nor are you best equipped, to handle this situation.

The adults all knew exactly what was going on something
I agree OP should report it, I'm just worried for her if she starts issuing ultimatums

Really don't try to deal with this by yourself. Really don't. Report them first, never mind ultimatums, just do it. They've done the "crime", they should cop the fall out for that anyway - and then they should stop, either because of shame, or because they were punished, or because you (or someone) awakes common human decency in them and makes them realise how wrong their behaviour is.

But no ultimatums, and no trying to deal with this yourself - that's too risky.

OP, report this to the adults present at school.
THEY need to deal with it effectively for it to stop.

If this were a work situation and all adults, you would have a legal obligation to report what you have seen to HR, break contact with the 'friends' who are bulkying and, should the perpetrators be prosecuted you would have to provide a witness statement and be ready to stand as a witness if the victim prosecuted privately.

You do have an obligation to report the bullying and to name names. To witness the bullying and nit report it or to not identufy the bullies us collusion and us as bad as taking part.

Just report it then. In confidence.

I wouldn't approach the girl. Please tell today.

You really won't regret it but your friends will look back on their bullying of this girl with shame I years to come.

Good luck.

It's not telling tales to inform teachers about bullying. It's not disloyalty either. Bullying is very nasty, can ruin lives and is usually taken very seriously by schools. It is too big a responsibility for you to tackle single handedly, that's why you have to bump it upstairs to the staff.

It's sad that the victim might think you were tricking her if you were friendly. Very sad.

You must report it, this girl hasn't got your strength to get help.

I would seriously re-consider what type of people you want as 'friends' though. What horrible 'friends' you have. :(

Just taken the plunge. Invited girl to sit with me and lunch tomorrow and said I will do my best to stop her being bullied and we will go together to report the bullying after lunch tomorrow. She has accepted my invitation and thanked me.

No doubt, this will be an example of as Saint Bernard of Clairvaux said 'the path to hell being paved with good intentions' and me being irrational but I have to do something.

No, far from it - you've already done something. The road to hell being paved with good intentions is about people who always say they'll do something but never actually act on it. You have, well done! Now follow through and report the bullying tomorrow.

Actually 'the road to he'll being paved with good intentions' quote really does mean that people who mean well and pitch in to help can often get it wrong. :) But I don't think you have got it wrong here OP. You're standing up for someone, you're going to tell the right people, and you are showing some principles. Well done

Well done observer, if you were my DD, I would be very proud of you. I am proud of my DD btw because this is exactly the sort of thing she would do.

Make sure you follow through and report it, though.

Well done, observer.

I hope you follow through and report. That will help her and you can know you have done the right thing.

You have done the right thing, well done for helping her and standing up to the bullies by reporting it to someone. Quite often there is one bully and a few other will follow him/her because they are not strong enough to stand up and say 'actually, what you are doing is wrong', they end up joining in . Well done for seeing that what they are doing is wrong, if you were my dd I would be proud.

Well done observer. What you have done is brave courageous and very humbling. With you as this girls new friend, her life is already started in get better.

Well done I have stopped a few bullies in their tracks, it's something I absolutely hate. Be prepared to lose these friends but they sound like their nasty pieces of work anyway.

You won't be betraying them, you'll be doing them a favour. One day, hopefully, they'll look back on their behaviour and feel ashamed and contrite. Anything that forces them reflect on their vile behaviour sooner rather than later can only be a good thing.