Horrified and upset

[Baffledsosad]

I'm so upset and just don't have the first clue what to do.
Last night me and husband had my neighbour round for a drink.
We do this every couple of months and it's always a fun laughter filled evening.
Last night my husband was a bit narky about it as he'd made an arrangement for early the next day so couldn't drink due to driving early.
Things were fine, but as the evening wore on I could see him getting annoyed and he started sending me texts saying 'you're acting like an idiot' etc.
The evening went on and I thought everything was fine. He suddenly stood up at 11.15 and told my neighbour that he had to get up early so it was time to leave.
Once my neighbour had gone I started to clear up. My husband came into the room, picked up a full glass of wine and threw it in my face, this was followed my a bowl of nuts.
He then proceed to take all my framed photos off the shelf and throw them on the ground. Swiftly followed by upturning the coffee table and arm chairs.
I went into the kitchen to get away and he follows me, grabs my wrists and tries to pull me upstairs to bed. I didn't want to go with him so dug my nails into his arm, he then grabbed me round the throat, telling me I was an embarrassment.
After this he trashed the kitchen, turning the table upside down, throwing chairs about.
I finally managed to calm him down and he went to bed. I cleared the mess up and slept in the spare room.
When he got back from his outing this morning I told him in no uncertain terms that I wanted him to leave. I was done and didn't want to be with someone who treats me like that.
He's been grovelling ever since but I've held firm. He has left to stay away for the night. I know he thinks he can come back tomorrow.
I don't want him back.
What I'm worried about is paying the mortgage on this place, which he pays. He will need to rent somewhere else and budget wise I cannot see how this will be possible.
I currently work during school hours so don't earn a great deal. Would I qualify for any financial help?
I know he needs to provide for the children and he has said he will. I'm just so stressed at the thought of the financial struggle ahead.
Not sure how I'm going to be able to provide for my children.
Sorry this is so long. I'm just bewildered, scared and confused.

Bloody hell. How awful. I completely respect your actions. So strong.

Glad you have support from your family. I would tell them everything.

Be strong op. You have done the absolute right thing here. He crossed an unforgivable line when HE did this. Be kind to yourself. x

OP, just on the practical side of things - is the house in your name, his, or joint?

If you have the children with you and only work 20 hours, you'd be entitled to housing benefit and a whole host of other benefits of you moved in to private rented accommodation. You cannot use housing benefit on a mortgage so may be worth letting him have the house and you having a rented property, if it'd be more settling for you financially.

Sorry not been on for a few days. Been sleeping a lot!
Things are ok thank you. He's taken his things and moved in with his dad until he finds somewhere. I've told him I don't want him back.
I spoke to the police and they were really good, they also went and spoke to my husband which he wasn't happy about! Made me feel a whole lot better!
Currently all up in the air financially with the house, thank you for your advice token, I need to take a few weeks to figure out whats for the best. There's very little rental properties where we live so I need to consider the children's schooling as I no longer have use of a car.

Good to hear from you, OP. Not surprised you've/been sleeping a lot. Its been one hell of a shock.

One foot in front of the other. I think our worst financial fears in situations like this turn out to be unfounded. Its not easy but it's often better than we thought. Have you taken advice about what you can expect financially? As it is logged that this is a domestic abuse case you will qualify for legal aid.

I am so so impressed with your strength and resilience OP! And I am really glad you recorded it with he police and that they were excellent. I really hope the benefits can fill the financial gap and you can stay in the house.

Are your DCs his? I just ask because in your posts there is no mention of his concern about them or anything - I really hope he never gets contact as a dangerous and violent bastard.

I don't feel very strong, just overwhelming sadness to be honest.
Yes the dc's are his, he was very good at all the fun part, sports etc but not so good at coping with the routine/homework/bedtimes etc so in that aspect I was by myself anyway. So really it doesn't feel too different to what I normally do, apart from now having to ask favours from friends for lifts so the dc's can go to their various activities.
I was in an abusive relationship before I met my husband and I vowed I would never put up with that again. I think that's why I kicked him out straight away, never want to feel like that again.
At the moment I'm feeling like I've just wasted the last 18 years of my life with someone I didn't really know at all. I've refused to let him see the children without his dad or brother being present. I did get on well with them and they have agreed to this.
Financially? Well it's getting there, still getting a few things sorted but I'm hoping me and the dc's will be ok.

Baffled and sad. Yes, you picked the right name there. It is utterly baffling if he's shown no sign of being abusive and violent before. And it is sad that your marriage has to end this way. And it's completely understandable that you are feeling very confused and upset at the moment.

You may not feel very strong right now but your actions have been strong ones. Well done. You have 100% done the right thing here.

Best of luck for the future. Things have a way of working out in the end. You and the DCs will definitely be OK.

It must be horrible for you right now, but gosh I admire you and think you absolutely did the right thing.

Hope you can get some sort of transport worked out.

Baffled - you are really inspiring. I hope other women might read this thread and follow your example. You are calm, strong and doing a brilliant thing. Keep going. I hope you have some support in RL.

People told me I was strong when I left my abusive husband, but I didn't feel strong, either. In a way I felt they wanted me to be the invincible hero(ine) and didn't want to hear I felt weak, unbearably sad and broken - grieving, basically. I didn't get over the grief and heartbreak quickly, either - it took the usual course grief does ie takes its time. I'm still not really over it entirely - I don't think one ever is tbh - but I am settled iyswim, all squared away: I know I did the right thing and there was no other choice. It doesn't stop me feeling sad though but it's a sadness I can live with now.