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Original poster

Should I carry on seeing this chap?

33 replies

ScrambledEggAndToast · 07/02/2015 14:07

I have been seeing this chap since November. To be honest, "seeing" is probably not really the right word as we have only met up about 8 times in person.

Anyway, the circumstances are that we are both single parents to one child. He works shifts, I work full time, normal office hours. We both have no support from our exes for babysitting although our mum's are pretty good.

The last time I saw him was the 27th of Jan for the day and before that a brief lunch date a week earlier. It's unlikely I will see him before Thursday of next week, so 2.5 weeks!

Neither of us wants to introduce the children just yet which means days out as a 4 can't happen (I suspect we would see each other more if this were to happen).

He calls me at least twice a day, texts loads and we chat on FB. He also got me some very thoughtful Christmas presents.

So, should I dump him and look for someone who works better hours who could see me more? Wait and see how the relationship develops? (This could be an indeterminate length of time) Any other ideas?

Thanks for reading, if you got this far.

OP posts:
Finola1step · 07/02/2015 14:10

To me, he sounds like a "wait and see" guy. The key thing is, do you think there is enough long term potential?

holdyourown · 07/02/2015 14:11

It sounds like you're seeing each other as much as possible. I wonder if you're not really that into him though, given that you're asking MN whether to dump him. Do you actually like him or just want 'a boyfriend' you can see X times per week? If you really like him I don't think it's an issue - fill the rest of your time with other things and let it take its course.

lalalonglegs · 07/02/2015 14:14

You don't say whether you enjoy this man's company but, assuming you do, I think dumping a thoughtful man who maintains a lot of contact is perhaps a bit drastic. It looks as if it will have to remain a fairly casual relationship because of your work/families - but is that such a bad thing?

Original poster
ScrambledEggAndToast · 07/02/2015 14:14

I do really like him, he's lovely. I feel bad even asking the question Blush A psychic told me though that he felt he was "holding back" so maybe he is, who knows? I know he would like to get married one day, not sure whether he means to me though!

OP posts:
Reddragon116 · 07/02/2015 14:16

Im not usually in favour of involving kids early on but i recon you should as if he is a friend or whatever - you eould get to see more of each other and also see how your parenting styles and your children mesh

lalalonglegs · 07/02/2015 14:16

x-post.

You consulted a psychic about this relationship [shocked]? You think he should want to marry you after eight dates? Slooooooow dooooown.

DeliciousMonster · 07/02/2015 14:26

A psychic. Brilliant. Surely he would know?

rookiemere · 07/02/2015 14:27

Yes indeed that's a sensible way to conduct relationships, by putting weight on what a psychic says.Hmm.

What do you actually want to happen? If you want to have a full on relationship get married and move in together, then yes because you both have DCs and more or less sole care, that is going to be slow. But if you want a relationship to add some joy to your life with a man who sounds like a keeper, then I wouldn't dump him.

I

Original poster
ScrambledEggAndToast · 07/02/2015 15:35

No, no. Totally wrong idea about the psychic Grin I phoned the psychic to discuss life in generally and I mentioned I had been seeing someone and he said he thought he had been "holding back". It was on his POF profile that he said he wanted to get married, that was why I said I didn't know if he meant he wanted to get married to me!! I'm not some bunny boiler Grin

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 07/02/2015 15:43

Having read through the first few paragraphs of the OP, everything looks fairly promising. Then suddenly seeing the question, "So should I dump him and look for someone who works better hours" seems completely bizarre. Why would you ditch someone based on their working hours? Seems a bit brutal. If you like him a lot, then no, of course you shouldn't dump him. If you can't tolerate moving this slowly, even with a decent guy, who has clearly shown a lot of interest in you, then yes, I guess you should dump him. Seems an awful waste though.

firesidechat · 07/02/2015 15:55

My personal opinion is that you should never base any of life's decisions on what a psychic says and that goes double for relationships. They are frauds, all of them.

Rebecca2014 · 07/02/2015 16:01

I have been seeing this guy for 3 weeks and we have met up 9 times. I am a single mum with limited childcare but we manage to see each other even if its just for a hour. If you both got mothers that can babysit why can't more effort be done on his or your behalf?

Mum4Fergus · 07/02/2015 16:16

It's been 3 months at most...chill a bit!

Tinks42 · 07/02/2015 16:26

It all sounds fine really. You both have lives, why do you need to see each other more at the moment. Let things unfold.

But, as like other posters have asked, if you want a person you can see more right at this present time without being patient then you need to find someone else.

Why on earth would you ring a psychic? They know absolutely nothing about the future they are all con-artists.

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 07/02/2015 16:43

Sorry, but if you are even thinking along the lines of dumping him because of his working hours, then head over heels in love you ain't Grin

I'd just wait and see. You hardly know him. See how things develop for a couple more months, even if you don't get to see him that much. Then make a decision at least based a little bit on knowing what you might be throwing away/having a lucky escape from (delete as appropriate!)

SpearmintLino · 07/02/2015 16:51

The psychic has put this seed of doubt in your mind. The psychic, I'm afraid to say, has made it up.

avocadogreen · 07/02/2015 17:08

I guess if you both want to make it work you need to put a bit more commitment to finding ways to spend time together. Can't you take it in turns to get a babysitter and have dinner over at each other's houses one evening a week? Or coordinate the kids staying at your mums' houses overnight so you can spend the night together?

If the kids are a bit older can they go to friends' houses for playdates/sleepovers? If they are younger (say, 3 or under) I would say it's ok to casually introduce each other, at that age they won't think anything of it if you don't make a big deal.

DeliciousMonster · 07/02/2015 17:10

I phoned the psychic to discuss life in generally and I mentioned I had been seeing someone and he said he thought he had been "holding back"

But the psychic would be able to say 'holding back and no good love' or 'holding back but will come good in the end' surely?

Or not.

Because obviously you had to mention it and because there is no such thing.

Original poster
ScrambledEggAndToast · 07/02/2015 17:17

Thanks for the responses. I guess it's probably prudent to see how things play out for a bit longer, I genuinely like him. If it's still like this in a year I think I would have to give up the ghost though! On the positive side, we did have a chat this afternoon and he has offered to go and see every MNer's favourite film, Fifty Shades of Grey Grin Looking forward to that.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 07/02/2015 17:17

I can't see how you could like him enough if twice a day phone calls, numerous texts and Facebook isn't enough.

My dh is often away and that's way more contact than we have!

KarmaNoMore · 07/02/2015 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeliciousMonster · 07/02/2015 17:58

we did have a chat this afternoon and he has offered to go and see every MNer's favourite film

Please, please tell me you didn't say 'MNer's favourite film'. Dear god.

ThanksforNothing · 07/02/2015 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThanksforNothing · 07/02/2015 18:15

.

AlisonBakersdaughter · 07/02/2015 20:55

He sounds okay to me. Relax.

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