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Original poster

If your boyfriend turned down your proposal, how did you deal with it and carry on after?

48 replies

Felixstower · 04/02/2015 23:25

Obviously most people wouldn't propose unless they were pretty sure they'd get a yes, but what if you weren't entirely sure? How did you deal with the rejection of being turned down? And what were your partner's reasons? - how did they gently decline?

OP posts:
quietlysuggests · 04/02/2015 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Felixstower · 04/02/2015 23:28

No, it hasn't happened to me, I'm just very curious about the possibility Grin

OP posts:
nightswift · 04/02/2015 23:31

Do you have a deadline to meet!?

Original poster
Felixstower · 04/02/2015 23:34

What does that mean nightswift?

OP posts:
Original poster
Felixstower · 04/02/2015 23:36

Oh right, sorry. Yes I can see it looks like a journo opener. Nope, is the answer. Old timer here, name changed and curious about the topic for personal reasons.

OP posts:
PresidentTwonk · 04/02/2015 23:38

You're asking lots of questions (on more than one thread) but giving no thoughts, opinions, examples, stories yourself so it looks a bit Confused and probably puts some people off answering with their own stories about these situations Smile

Original poster
Felixstower · 04/02/2015 23:43

That's because I don't want to out myself, President... I'm also trying to gauge responses so that I can make some better informed decisions for myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Felixstower · 04/02/2015 23:49

But thanks for potentially truncating the thread President with that 'advice' as I was genuinely looking for some enlightenment on the matter Sad

OP posts:
flora717 · 05/02/2015 00:04

Well, whatever your reasons are for asking I can offer you a pretty negative outcome one?
I once had a boyfriend who had mentioned marriage, talked about kids. Soooo on our trip abroad, on valentines day I did a HUGE proposal thing. He said no.
I was gutted and humiliated quite frankly. It knocked my confidence for, well. Years.

We were supposed to be travelling to visit his family from that part of the holiday. I wanted to leave that country. To be alone, ponder etc. He was totally against that. He actually hid my passport (I realise now I should have persevered with my wish).
It was bloody awful at the time (especially as his 'traditional' family had already been told we were engaged thus not frowning on us travelling like that. Yes, I fielded questions about weddings. (Why did I save his stupid face?!)
We got back home, I struggled on for about 2 months. But ultimately I felt it was futile. Turned out it was, he'd been shagging his best friends wife on/off for the duration of our relationship (so quite glad he found his level of bastard and turned me down). But that came out 2 years later, when I'd moved out and on.
Really pathetic eh?
I have a lot of respect for anyone asking that question.

flora717 · 05/02/2015 00:04

That was cathartic.

pictish · 05/02/2015 00:09

Oh flora it must've been terrible. Poor you. xx

flora717 · 05/02/2015 00:32

I thought that at the time. Poor me. Honestly the relationship AFTER that was hell. I guess because my confidence was pretty rubbish.
At the time I was too embarrassed to even tell close friends. So I've never really talked through it. It came up in conversation with my DH recently (I did to make very light of it). Maybe it's time I opened up to bewildered friends about what happened there. But, hey. There's no point now!

But I like to think I'm throwing myself on all these crap moments so noone else has to Wink

PresidentTwonk · 05/02/2015 00:50

I wasn't trying to derail your thread merely expanding on what a PP had already assumed and telling you maybe that's why you weren't getting any responses so you could add some thoughts yourself Hmm obviously for whatever reasons you're unwilling to do that though so no need to take my post to heart Smile

Fantasmicos · 05/02/2015 14:42

I thought females could only propose on leap years Feb 29th? Next one is 2016.

I made it very clear to my GF that if she said no I wouldn't ask again. Then waited till I was sure she'd say yes. She's a very indecisive person so I wanted her to have thought about it well in advance so she wouldn't get flustered on the day. Her sister, by contrast, only said yes on the 3rd time (same guy) and I don't really see that as a solid foundation for a relationship

ImperialBlether · 05/02/2015 14:45

Is that the law then, Fanta?

Fantasmicos · 05/02/2015 14:46

I thought it was, but I do learn new stuff every day on MN

FluffyPersian · 05/02/2015 14:46

'I thought females could only propose on leap years Feb 29th?'

I thought 'females' could propose whenever they wanted to?

I've known both male friends and female friends propose, however they all knew that their partners would say yes as it was discussed beforehand. I've discussed marriage with my boyfriend and he's very happy to get married - He knows I'd actually be the one who would like to propose and as he's so laid back, he's just letting me get on with it... He knows the only date he's safe is Feb 29th 2016 as I'd never conform to any 'rules' Grin

Fantasmicos · 05/02/2015 14:48

Bloody hell you must be a scary driver

pompodd · 05/02/2015 14:51

"I made it very clear to my GF that if she said no I wouldn't ask again."

Nice one, Fantasmicos. You really showed her, eh?

"She's a very indecisive person so I wanted her to have thought about it well in advance so she wouldn't get flustered on the day."

Nice one again, Fantasmicos! These "females" get so easily confused, eh?

Comito · 05/02/2015 14:55

I thought females could only propose on leap years Feb 29th? I made it very clear to my GF that if she said no I wouldn't ask again.

'Females' >shudder< Men using that word as an alternative to women really grates on me.

Bet your GF feels like a lucky girl, eh?

Fantasmicos · 05/02/2015 14:59

You'd have to ask her we split up after she said no

pompodd · 05/02/2015 15:01

But I thought you were waiting til you were sure she'd say yes...

motherinferior · 05/02/2015 15:02

I've turned down various proposals from Mr Inferior, including his attempt at torrid romance. We're still living happily together. And I got a very pretty ring out of it, on the basis that I'd wear it if I didn't have to go through with the wedding.

Fantasmicos · 05/02/2015 15:02

In fact I think she started a thread on here entitled "Female who can't decide if I deserved getting dumped or not?"

Bogeyface · 05/02/2015 15:51

You'd have to ask her we split up after she said no

I cant imagine why...........