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Relationships

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Original poster

If your boyfriend turned down your proposal, how did you deal with it and carry on after?

48 replies

Felixstower · 04/02/2015 23:25

Obviously most people wouldn't propose unless they were pretty sure they'd get a yes, but what if you weren't entirely sure? How did you deal with the rejection of being turned down? And what were your partner's reasons? - how did they gently decline?

OP posts:

TheJiminyConjecture · 05/02/2015 16:01

Arf at females and Bogeyface

yetwig · 06/02/2015 20:05

I asked my ex partner and he said no, I should have left him their and then but stupidly stayed for another 10yrs. His reasons for saying no were, he doesn't believe in marriage. Well in fact he just didn't want to marry me, he'd been having an affiar for years behind my back. He's now planning on marrying her.

I'm in another relationship now, much happier and have already talked about marriage and children :)

AcrossthePond55 · 06/02/2015 21:22

No RL experience with this, but I would only propose if I was really ready to get married, not just to be engaged for the next umpteen years. If my bf said 'no' I'd assume he wasn't ready or he didn't think I was 'the one'. So I'd probably shrug, patch my heart together, and move on.

No different than a man proposing and being turned down, really.

lovespuds · 07/02/2015 07:46

No direct experience, but a friend of mine proposed (think it was a leap year thing) and her offer was declined. They had been together for six or seven years at the time. I believe he said that it just "didn't feel right", and they split up a few months later.

If I imagine having a proposal turned down, yes I guess it would be humiliating - but that's the same whether you're a woman or a man.

JeanSeberg · 07/02/2015 07:53

The thickness of some people never ceases to depress me.

Fanta - the police would have to be called to a woman who proposed on eg 4 June? Or would the subsequent marriage just be declared null and void?

GelfBride · 07/02/2015 08:22

Jean

borisgudanov · 07/02/2015 08:49

Fanta - I think "females" quite often dump sexist twats partners they don't want to be with. HTH.

JeanSeberg · 07/02/2015 10:03

Would love to spend just ten minutes with Fanta's ex.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 07/02/2015 10:07

off ffs. you surely must be pulling our chains, fanta! no one is that stupid!

horseygeorgie · 07/02/2015 12:29

I really wouldn't take fanta too seriously!

To put the cat among the pigeons, what is so very wrong with saying no? As a divorcee I would be very hesitant about getting engaged with any speed, but what if someone I love asks me and I'm just not quite ready?! That doesn't mean a year down the line I won't be.

ElectraCute · 07/02/2015 12:35

The use of 'females' in a post is always a dead giveaway that the poster is a complete twat can be safely ignored.

WipsGlitter · 07/02/2015 12:44

I know someone who proposed. He said yes but they split up before getting married. Not sure what happened really.

WonderMuffins · 07/02/2015 14:54

Females is just SUCH an offensive word

WonderMuffins · 07/02/2015 14:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

YouAreMyRain · 07/02/2015 15:06

Ahem... I am quite sure that fanta was trying (and succeeding) to wind people up with his suggestion about "female on male" proposals having any chronological restrictions.

WonderMuffins · 07/02/2015 16:41

I think it's some light hearted and very innocent patter that made some people very very angry!

QuintlessShadows · 07/02/2015 17:01

feMALE and woMAN are offensive words full stop.

I wonder why it is like that in the English language. Sexist.

When you think about it, only around 25% women in government.

But even more shocking, just 55% has higher education. So to turn this on its head the uk is a place where you can be successful in decision making positions to the best of the entire country, without an education.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/02/2015 17:16

I've never asked anyone to marry me but I think, if I did, and they said no I would have to wonder if we really wanted the same things or we were just wasting each other's time....

Comito · 07/02/2015 17:19

I'm afraid I'm not enough of feminist to get myself worked up over 'woman'.

I particularly dislike men using the word 'females' when they mean 'women'. It just smacks of someone who thinks of women as a slightly alien species which they don't quite understand, are slightly intimidated by and are generally contemptuous of. I dunno, it makes me think of nasally voices and train sets.

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 07/02/2015 17:33

I'm going to start calling the blokes 'manmales'

We got married straight away. I don't think either of us thought about it too hard. I don't know what his thought processes were, I didn't know him very well at the time

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 07/02/2015 17:33

Or even better, 'mangirls'

QuintlessShadows · 07/02/2015 20:01

I think I prefer the latin for man. Vir - most commonly known as virus.

duplodancer · 08/02/2015 07:51

A friend of mine proposed to her boyfriend. He had been married before and wasn't ready so he said no.
It was really upsetting for her, and him I think. But they loved each other and got through an iffy few months afterwards.
He proposed two years later... beautifully. And they've been married for seven years now.

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