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Original poster

Husband attending stag do on my birthday

76 replies

Mummy0001 · 04/02/2015 02:21

Close mutual friends of ours have organised their stag and hens do on my birthday. They are aware it is my birthday weekend (have been told twice). Last year they were away for my birthday, no worries there, but didn't acknowledge it which hurt. What also annoys me is that I won't get to celebrate my birthday properly with my husband as he is best man so has said he has to go which I understand. They will also be organising strippers which my husband knows I am not happy about. She has also organised a venue for her 30th birthday that weekend as she has a birthday a few days after mine (which is great and should be fun).

But with the stag/hens do and her birthday there is little time to celebrate mine. Thinking this is going to be a pretty crappy birthday with my husband at the stag do with strippers and me on my own. My question is, am I being over sensitive or selfish or is it rude of them to organise the stag/hens do on my birthday, when they could organise another weekend (the wedding isn't until another two months). Also the wedding is overseas and will cost us a fortune and we have a new bub so really can't afford it. But we can't say no as hubby is the best man.

OP posts:
HangingInAGruffaloStance · 04/02/2015 19:59

Well usually lurking, if you suspect someone of sockpuppeting, report them. I am sure HQ can check the IP addresses people are posting from and clear that one up.

AnyFucker · 04/02/2015 20:10

I've been accused of a lot of things but never of hiding behind a name change Grin

AliceinWinterWonderland · 04/02/2015 20:14

AF I have to say that are quite possibly the very last person I would ever consider had NCd, simply because you seem quite happy to say whatever you think anyway. Grin Hardly place you in the "shrinking violet" category. Hmm

AnyFucker · 04/02/2015 20:26

That's what I thought Confused Grin

CalleighDoodle · 04/02/2015 20:39

Having my birthday ignored would bother me.

Stripers at a stag do wouldnt bother me at all.

iwashappy · 04/02/2015 20:46

UsuallyLurking is it April 1st? I recognise your username so you must have seen AFs posts elsewhere as Alice says I think she'd be the last person to change her name to say what she thought.

OP pleased you feel happier now. Hope you enjoy your Birthday.

pocketsaviour · 04/02/2015 20:47

You will be at home alone with your baby wondering what is going on.

What like "Oh god, maybe he's enjoying himself"?

They're going to get drunk and stupid and look at some naked women. Vast majority of strip clubs have a no-touching rule. The worst thing to worry about is when he crawls home at 2am going "I fucking love you so much hic You're beautiful... hic Let's make love" then falls asleep mid-shag.

FamiliesShareGerms · 04/02/2015 20:54

Ha ha ha, Lurking!!

Oh, were you serious ?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 04/02/2015 20:56

Yeah AF totally needs a sock puppet to back up her shy and retiring posts... WTF?

But to get back to the op. I like a fuss on my birthday. But I would shrug a scheduling clash like this off - it's really no biggie and people are entitled to plan their events round their own schedules. What is puzzling me though, is if DH is best man, didn't he plan the stag?

Also planned strippers would be a deal breaker for me. DH once ended up in a strip joint drunk and at someone else's behest and that took a long time to get over. But that's my relationship. I don't think you can be kind of ok but not really ok about these things - it's either ok or not ok imho.

Fantasmicos · 04/02/2015 21:36

Why not offer an olive branch of a nice piece of furniture as a wedding gift, such as an MFI desk

Sallystyle · 04/02/2015 22:06

The birthday thing wouldn't bother me at all.

Strippers would be a deal breaker.

So what AF said.

Fairenuff · 04/02/2015 22:28

Wouldn't care about the birthday.

Wouldn't condone the strippers.

So, er... what AF said.

Fairenuff · 04/02/2015 22:29
Eekaman · 04/02/2015 22:54

I'm not trying to derail this thread - (OP, yabu about your birthday, about the whole thing) - but I'm seeking a clarification;

Any fucker said the strippers would be a deal breaker for her, this was endorsed by U2TheEdge (loving the new album btw, thks) and I'd love to know what exactly is meant by 'deal breaker.'

I guess my question is; which deals would be broken?

Fairenuff · 04/02/2015 22:57

It usually refers to relationship deals where each person sets out their boundaries and the other agrees to respect them. If they break the boundaries then they have gone back on their word and lose respect and trust. Often it spells the beginning of the end of the relationship. Who would want to be with someone their neither respect nor trust to keep their word?

AnyFucker · 04/02/2015 23:09

What she said

I presume you have some boundaries in your own relatuonship (s), Eek

a deal breaker would be some deliberate action, that with full insight into the potential consequences, a partner takes that crosses those boundaries

my husband using family money to seek sexual stimulation outside of our marriage involving girls young enough to be his daughter is one of mine

IKnewYou · 05/02/2015 00:47

The birthday bit wouldn't bother me in the slightest. It really, really wouldn't - I'm not just saying it!

The not being onthe bridal party wouldn't bother me in the slightest either.

The groom organising a stag party involving strippers wouldn't bother me. It's his buisness.

Realising I had married someone who was prepared to go somewhere where there were strippers WOULD bother me a great deal. It would be a deal breaker for me. Fortuanately, my DH wouldn't dream of going to see strippers even if it was for his closest mates stag do.

Sallystyle · 05/02/2015 08:53

What they said ^^

My husband knows that if he goes to see strippers our marriage is over.

Thankfully he has never been and would never go and feels the same way I do.

I made sure to choose a man who shared the same values as me when it comes to the sex industry. After my first marriage I learned that it is much easier to only marry someone who you are mostly compatible with when it comes to matters that are very important to you.

If he goes to a stripper then a) he wouldn't be the person I thought I married and b) I would lose all respect for him that he put a stripper before our marriage and lied about what his true feelings were. I would also not respect a man child a man who hasn't got the guts to tell his friends that he doesn't want to go to see a stripper as part of a stag do.

I am just not prepared to spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't respect the boundaries we made or has a very different world view than me. I would rather be single then deal with that shit again :)

BitOutOfPractice · 05/02/2015 09:06

Now I am a bit of a birthday diva - love having a fuss made on my birthday. But I think YABU about thinking them rude for having their parties on "your" weekend. You know that weeknd doesn't belong just to you don't you? Just checking! You can celebrate your birthday with your DH on another day, surely.

And the idea of AF sock puppeting has made me guffaw! Grin

cottageinthecountry · 05/02/2015 09:21

Re the stripper thing - it bothers me that men egg each other on to do this stuff. I don't think they want it half the time either. Although I don't think you should draw a strict line with this which will make you appear controlling and to them, petty, perhaps there is a way you can talk to him and ask whether it's really what his friend wants. I would imagine most GROWN UP men's idea of a good time isn't being drunk and watching women take their clothes off - are they ALL that shallow? Surely not. Can't you get him to think outside the box and suggest paintballing or something, with a pint afterwards?

The whole stripper and last night night of freedom thing is sad and outdated and smacks of regret and not bonding or encouragement for the future. I think this is what bothers me about it. It might have been mildly fun and humorous in the 1970s but really, times have changed.

And using women's bodies as a way to pull off what is at best physical humour, at worst an affirmation that the bride to be is just a piece of meat, well... and doing that after many of his friends' wives have given birth to their children it's even more distasteful.

talbotinthesky · 05/02/2015 10:18

Your husband sounds very selfish. If he knows how much birthdays mean to you, there is no way he should have organised it for that date.

I agree the stripper thing is very distasteful.
You got yourself a cracker there!

DandyHighwayman · 05/02/2015 13:00

Eeeek at accusing AF of sockie misdeeds.

Anyhoo. OP the strippers would be my stumbling block. I wouldn't like that one bit.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 05/02/2015 13:02

Seriously, how old are you?

MNHQ
DawnMumsnet · 05/02/2015 14:16

@HangingInAGruffaloStance

Well usually lurking, if you suspect someone of sockpuppeting, report them. I am sure HQ can check the IP addresses people are posting from and clear that one up.

Got it in one, Hanging - we're always happy to check things out. Just report, report, report.

Nothing to see here, though. Grin

Penguinsaresmall · 05/02/2015 14:28

Dh and I always make a big deal out of each other's birthdays so I would be v surprised (and a bit upset) if he wanted to be anywhere but with me on my birthday. I know that may sound precious but it's a two way thing and we enjoy it Smile

I would also be v pissed off about the strippers being part of the do - when DH has gone to stag do's in the past he's done the pub/club bit then left when it's been time to go to a strip club - he finds them tacky and says you get stung with the price of the drinks so doesn't like them. Actually there usually ends up being as many of them not going to strip clubs as going.

But something I also find a bit weird is that your H is best man but you're not invited to the hen do? The hen may not know you very well, but as your H is the best man at her wedding, surely it would be friendly and polite to invite you along to the hen do so that she can get to know you?