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Original poster

C##nt, fat bitch and imbecile

38 replies

Countyourchickens · 01/02/2015 18:20

I was going to NC but don't see the point.

These are the expletives I have been called this weekend by my husband. The 'dear' no longer applies. All said within earshot of my children BTW.

The first word was used yesterday following a short argument - don't even recall what it was about.

The other two were used today when I came in from visiting my mother with DD to finding all the washing piled up ( he had washed it) but not put away. Domestic division of labour is a constant source of tension ( I work ft, take kids to and from childcare and do most housework) . I called him lazy ( I don't hold back so I said it with a tone rather than a mild comment IYKWIM). Not saying I was right but I was cross that he folded the washing and the left it in piles awaiting my return when he was doing bugger all. Happens all the time, never seen him put the bloody washing away or clean a bathroom.

My point is, I don't feel I deserved time called a fat bitch and imbecile for calling him lazy. He also added " the word I called you yesterday applies (c##t).

I am doing homework with the kids and trying not t show my hurt. Just need to hear some POV from strangers.

Over to you.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 01/02/2015 18:23

You are in the habit of calling each other names. You should both stop. And stop arguing over housework like children. Perhaps you should have a break from each other and decide if you actually still like each other?

IamTitanium · 01/02/2015 18:25

If your daughter/sister/best friend came to you and said this what would you say to them.
I swear a lot! I have never called some one any of those things.

nozzz · 01/02/2015 18:26

Is the mutual name-calling common in your relationship?

Meerka · 01/02/2015 18:27

Get the hell out.

He's lazy, you do all the work and he speaks like this to the mother of his children, around his children.

He's no good.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/02/2015 18:27

Why are you together at all?.

What do you think you are both teaching your children about relationships here?.

Finola1step · 01/02/2015 18:29

In 20 years time, if one if your dc comes to you with the exact same scenario, what would your advice be?

I must add that it was probably not your finest hour calling him lazy but that is no comparison to the words he used against you.

Sistedtwister · 01/02/2015 18:29

Would he allow another man to speak to you this way?

Original poster
Countyourchickens · 01/02/2015 18:34

I called him lazy because he was being lazy. What else do you suggest in this scenario. I say nothing whilst putting a great pile of washing away?

Surely being called lazy when you have been is no comparison to what he called me?

It's amazing th first few posts are seeing these situations as equal, I really don't think they are.

OP posts:
LuluJakey1 · 01/02/2015 18:36

So what are you intending to do about it? Put up with it? Try to change it? LTB?

For what it's worth, not every relationship works like this.

We have been together 6 years, married 5. Neither of us has ever called the other anything abusive - not aloud anyway! We argue and I have told DH he has been lazy, selfish, arrogant and unthinking on occasions and he has told me I have been selfish, bossy, irritating and nagging. We have shouted sometimes and sworn a lot - not at each other but in a row.

If he used any one of the expressions you were called yesterday that would be that. Arguing is one thing- it sorts things out mainly. Abusive behaviour is about having no respect for you or for women in general from the sounds of him.

So what are you going to do?

Guitargirl · 01/02/2015 18:38

I don't see them as being equal at all.

The day my partner called me any of the words your husband has called you this weekend would be the day I left him. The fact that he is calling you these things in front your children is appalling.

Do you want to leave him?

AcrossthePond55 · 01/02/2015 18:39

Nope, not good. IMHO there is a world of different from calling someone 'lazy' (bad) or 'imbecile' (bad) and calling someone 'fat bitch' (disgusting) and 'c**t' (IMO the worst thing you can call a woman).

DH and I have in the past called each other 'lazy' or 'stupid' in the heat of an argument. It's wrong & we have apologized. But if he had ever called me a fat bitch or a c**t, that would have been the end of it for me.

susiedaisy · 01/02/2015 18:39

No it's not acceptable for him to resort to this sort of language over laundry and dishes. What is the rest of your relationship like? Do you even like each other?

YonicScrewdriver · 01/02/2015 18:42

Lazy was a descriptor of behaviour - the three words he used were insults. If he had used stupid or imbecile when OP had done something stupid, made a cake with salt or something, that would have been a closer equivalent.

OP, these are horrible words, I'm sorry Flowers

JaquelineHyde · 01/02/2015 18:43

I think you both need to have a talk about where your relationship is going.

Only you know how you feel about how he is treating you and this is bigger than a bit of name calling this weekend by the sound of it.

AnyFucker · 01/02/2015 18:44

lazy describes a particular behaviour

the names he calls you are coming from pure hatred of women and specifically of you

the first time my H used those words to describe me would be the last time we conversed about anything but the divorce

pictish · 01/02/2015 18:44

It doesn't matter what started the row, he should not be calling you names under any circumstances.

At the same time...it's Sunday, and if my dh came in from being out, and called me lazy for not doing the household chores to his schedule, I'd be really pissed off.
My dh never puts washing away either, but then, I never clean the oven, the grill or the frying pan, he does.

But name calling? No. No no no. Something has to change now. Him.

ThatBloodyWoman · 01/02/2015 18:47

Lazy is a description, bitch and cunt are words used specifically to be derogatory to you as a woman,op.

Joysmum · 01/02/2015 19:01

AnyFucker is spot on.

He was being lazy do you called him on it.

What he's done to you is hurtful and nasty.

nozzz · 01/02/2015 19:08

So what does the OP wish to happen now?

lemisscared · 01/02/2015 19:14

I am not particularly offended by that word, so me and my DP do say it too each other - "ah, don't be a cunt" = don't be a plonker in this house (of course not in front of dd). So the word doesn't have that much power, I would be more upset if my DP said i was lazy actually.

Fat bitch and imbecile? I find those really offensive

pictish · 01/02/2015 19:17

Imbecile is terrible.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/02/2015 19:34

People on MN use the word 'cunt' all the time and I find that word abhorrent. I don't feel the same about 'imbecile'. People find different words hurtful/upsetting.

For me it's the tone; tone is everything. You can say foul words in a loving tone and they don't impact - loving words in a foul tone (unlikely), would hurt.

Do you both disparage each other in front of your children? If you both use a tone then it's probably very stressful for them. I grew up in this kind of environment and whilst I couldn't tell you the words used because I don't remember them, I could probably replicate the tone because it stuck.

You haven't said much about the division of labour in your home but perhaps it's time to take serious stock as to whether you even want to be together at all now. How long has this been an issue? Is it something new, has anything changed?

ThatBloodyWoman · 01/02/2015 19:39

I think some women use the word cunt to reclaim it , Lying.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/02/2015 19:42

Well it's not working, is it? Horrible word and it has the power to offend and it does. You could you the 'reclaiming' about any vile word, couldn't you?

ThatBloodyWoman · 01/02/2015 19:45

I didn't say I agreed Lying - I don't like the word . Smile

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