Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to be mad at DP for breaking my number plate?

53 replies

PrivateBenjamin · 01/02/2015 18:11

DP and I went to do some shopping in his car earlier today. When we came home he was parallel parking into his space, wasn't being careful and bumped into my car behind quite hard. He got out to come around and help me out (I had piles of stuff on my knee for him to take before I could get out) and he was laughing saying that he'd cracked my numberplate. I thought he was joking but when I got out I saw that it is really cracked and bent. I definitely need a new one, especially cause my MOT is in 2 weeks.

I was really shocked that DP was laughing about damaging my car and he hadn't even apologised, and told him so. This descended into a huge argument with me expressing disbelief that he hadn't said sorry and him calling me a fucking cunt (bit harsh I thought). He said it was an accident, I should get over it and that I'm overreacting. He did say sorry in the end but it was a real shouted "Sorry then!" So I don't think that counts.

So, am I overreacting? Number plates are only about £10 but I'm more mad about him laughing it off and then getting angry at me for it. If I'd reversed into his car I'd be really apologetic and buy him a new number plate.

OP posts:
Wombat22 · 01/02/2015 18:12

yabu - it's only a number plate

Nolim · 01/02/2015 18:13

Yanbu. He should have apologized.

MelanieCheeks · 01/02/2015 18:15

Bit of perspective - yes he's at fault, but it's not really a huge deal, and one that is easily fixed. Lighten up a bit, there are bigger problems in the world.

steff13 · 01/02/2015 18:15

Is a number plate like a license plate? If so, I don't think I could get that worked up about it. You said he damaged your car, was it your car, or just your plate? If your car needs repair, that's another matter, but for a plate that costs 10, eh, not that big a deal, I don't think.

He shouldn't have called you a fucking cunt, though. No matter how mad my husband has ever been at me, he's never called me a name.

IamTitanium · 01/02/2015 18:17

Was it a nervous laugh?

Brandysnapper · 01/02/2015 18:17

It might be easily fixed, but is he fixing it, driving to collect it/have it fitted etc?

Fluffyears · 01/02/2015 18:17

Was he laughing out of nervousness and to try to diffuse the situation. I think the number plate thing doesn't matter, calling you a 'cunt' matters a lot. If DP dared to call me that I'd be re-thinking our relationship. How dare he!

partialderivative · 01/02/2015 18:19

Did you call him anything before/after the 'fucking cunt' bit?

(I do hope you weren't having this slanging match in earshot of anyone else)

BlackDaisies · 01/02/2015 18:20

Well, it was thoughtless of him to laugh. Maybe he just assumed he would buy you a new one and hoped you'd see the funny side. However to then get angry and call you disgusting names once he realised you were upset is completely unacceptable. I would rethink staying with anyone who thought that was ok.

NeverShutsUp · 01/02/2015 18:20

YANBU my dh never used to apologise for little things when we first met and it used to wind me right up! Think it's the fact that he didn't apologise that's annoying not fact it's a number plate and calling you that!

UncleT · 01/02/2015 18:24

You did overreact, a plate is not a big deal (though laughing about it would be annoying). However - calling you a fucking cunt is disgraceful. I used to put up with that crap once - now, I don't let anyone who wants to be close to me treat me like that.

Original poster
PrivateBenjamin · 01/02/2015 18:24

It wasn't a nervous laugh, he thought it was funny that he'd bumped my car. And I know there are bugger things to worry about but I just spent £500 having my car fixed this month ready for the MOT and now I need to do more things to it.

The first time he called me a fucking cunt I told him I'd leave him if he did it again, but I moved really far away to be with him, I don't know anybody else here and it has just continued. I point out to him that it's a disgusting way to talk to someone but he does it every time we argue.

OP posts:
Original poster
PrivateBenjamin · 01/02/2015 18:27

partial no I didn't call him anything. I asked how he could laugh about it, I wouldn't do that to him and that he's completely thoughtless.

The argument was in our house so nobody could hear.

OP posts:
Suefla62 · 01/02/2015 18:28

Don't ever give an ultimatum your not going to keep. Now he's going to keep calling you ugly names and knows you're not going to do anything about it.

MelanieCheeks · 01/02/2015 18:29

The name calling is not on - sorry I missed that bit earlier.

thenightsky · 01/02/2015 18:41

The name calling shows massive disrespect for you. For that alone I'd be dumping him.

SorchaN · 01/02/2015 18:52

My partner always treats me with respect. I can't imagine him ever calling me a fucking cunt. Mind you, I can't imagine that he'd laugh and fail to apologise if he damaged my property. You deserve more respect. I wouldn't put up with being treated disrespectfully - especially by someone who claims to love me.

Hassled · 01/02/2015 18:55

If everything else in the garden was rosie, the number plate thing wouldn't be an issue. But his doesn't respect you or your property, does he?

Original poster
PrivateBenjamin · 01/02/2015 19:09

Yeah, I'm actually going to post in relationships cause this is a pretty shitty way to live. The arguing and isolation is really depressing not to mention the car vandalism

OP posts:
whothehellknows · 01/02/2015 19:28

OP, just report your thread to MNHQ and they'll move it for you-- save you typing it all out again.

LadyLuck10 · 01/02/2015 19:36

Yanbu, the fixing of the plate is a small issue but his whole reaction to it is disgusting. The name calling is unforgivable to be honest. Does he use that gutter language frequently on you? I wouldn't be with someone so disrespectful.

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 01/02/2015 19:38

The first time he called me a fucking cunt I told him I'd leave him if he did it again, but I moved really far away to be with him, I don't know anybody else here and it has just continued. I point out to him that it's a disgusting way to talk to someone but he does it every time we argue.

You need to leave him, or you are going to turn round in twenty years and realise your life has been SHIT.

It's NOT worth it, no matter how hard it is GO NOW. Every month, year you hesitate it will get more difficult. You are wasting precious time.

Original poster
PrivateBenjamin · 01/02/2015 20:04

I know brian I tell myself that and panic that my life is slipping away but I genuinely don't know a single person here. If we broke up and I had to be rushed to hospital for some reason there is nobody the hospital could call for me. I've been here for almost two years and I would have considered myself a confident and friendly person before but now I'm starting to doubt it.

I have a well paid job here and am studying so in a couple of years I can have a good job anywhere in the world. But I'm very isolated and I would have never tolerated a boyfriend talking to me like this in my own town, with my friends and family around.

I will ask MNHQ to move my thread, thanks whothehell

OP posts:
whothehellknows · 01/02/2015 20:12

OP, it sounds like you're unhappy enough that you need to LTB in any case. So really, what's left is to decide whether to stay put until you finish your training or head back home. Would you prioritize your career or your need for support? Either way, you win.

The thing is, if you're not devoting so much time and energy to a dickhead, you'll be able to go meet and spend time with people who are actually nice to you.

ChocolateTeacup · 01/02/2015 20:16

Seriously, what does he bring that makes being spoken to like that actually worth it, especially when it is a frequent occurrence?

You deserve more than that, starting again is hard but will be a lot better than getting your self esteem worn down over time - and coming to think that it is acceptable to be spoken to like that.

Get out while you can.