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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Life has been devastated by finding partner using escorts

55 replies

Scarlett20717 · 01/02/2015 16:19

After a 12 year marriage break up and divorce, I though life had turned a corner and that I had met my soul mate. I was incredibly happy, the man I met was amazing, brilliant, had an incredible well respected job, funny, thoughtful and my best friend. We had just got engaged and were planning on making our families one. Imagine my shock when one day on looking on his laptop for film times I discovered he has been leading a double life, my shy,humble man was on various sex hook up sites, also sites to use escorts on which the escorts had rated him as a client, the list and shock goes on! He denied it at first blaming a relative but the truth finally all came out. I am devastated, it's in my thoughts constantly and I am also dreaming about it. I am a very attractive, well educated woman but here he is sleeping with dirty escorts, some much younger. He tells me he has a porn addiction and begs me to help him, promising to see a counsellor as its been going on for years. I am confused beyond belief, I know nothing of this other side other than what I found and read. I feel repulsed and don't know what to do, I screamed, shouted cried but that changes nothing and now I feel like a nag. My self esteem is so low as I feel he wants much younger women, he tells me I am wrong and that its is his problem. I confided in some close friends and now they want nothing to do with me as they say I should have dumped him, I can't believe this has happened to me ......

OP posts:
kittensinmydinner · 01/02/2015 21:26

Your question was , could you both overcome this and rebuild your relationship. Yes you could, with a lot of forgiveness from you, and concrete action from him to deal with this behaviour. I don't mean it bit of nicey nicey couples counselling but a full on addiction programme that he is willing to embrace. He also needs to deal with his view that women are bought and sold as a commodity. So, in answer to your question it is possible to recover, if you have a saintly amount of forgiveness and are prepared to doubt your partner every time he is out of the house, possibly for many years. Are you really up for that ?

notasingleclue · 01/02/2015 21:26

These aren't the answers you were hoping for, were they? I'm sorry, I really am, you might still love him but he's a wrong 'un. Your friends have told you this (if rather brutally) and now so have a lot of strangers on the internet. Start fighting for yourself instead of him.

LikeIcan · 01/02/2015 21:34

LTB - & that's the first time I've ever said that on here.

You deserve so much better you really do. You'll be fine without him.

Quitelikely · 01/02/2015 21:57

IMO he has got deep seated emotional issues with sex & power.

I doubt you will ever be able to truly trust him again and I wonder if he could trust himself.

Best to cut your losses.

AnyFucker · 01/02/2015 22:06

No man is worth this shit

Seriously

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