How to ruin your life in 7 days

[HairyOrk]

My grandmother died unexpectedly last Tuesday which was horrific and shocking for myself and my family. I run a catering business from a trailer and yesterday had an accident which has probably written it off (insurers will contact me tomorrow) meaning that my main source of income has been ripped in two. I have no money to my name because of setting up this business. And this afternoon my partner - whom I have lived with for 5 years and owned a house with - dumped me.
I'm at my parents, will have to sleep on the sofa as they have no room (much younger siblings aged 7 and 11). The funeral is on Friday.
I'm 23 years old and feel like my life has been torn to shreds.
How could it get so bad so quickly? What do I do? How do I survive? I have only 2 friends, both of whom live very far away (other side of the country and new zealand!)

I'm so sorry about your grandmother.

You are safe at your parents. Allow yourself to grieve for all your losses.

I meant 'allow yourself time to grieve."

Thank you, Jimmy.

Didn't want to read and run!
So sorry for everything that has happened, especially all at the one time!!

Sending you much love dearie! xx

If you own the house together, why are you at your parents? He's dumped you - err, perhaps if he doesn't want to be in the relationship any more he can get to find somewhere else to live?

The house is 2 doors down from his parents and in a tiny village half an hour away from my family. I don't want to be there! His parents are going to buy me out of my share of the house.

So sorry for the hard time that you're having. On the positive side-hopefully your insurance will pay out for the van and maybe loss of earnings and you'll be no worse off. You are young and in time will find a better partner to settle down with. Just take the time to mourn your gran and sort out the insurance before worrying too much about the longer term. Take it step by step.

Talk about shit timing, but better out than in as far as infilling relationships are concerned.

Make sure you get the house appraised and get a good price and all is fine properly x

*fine = done

he's a decent person (I'm not feeling that at the moment because of his shocking timing) but he won't take more than his fair share.

I'm a bit rudderless now. I had everything all sorted out.

I'm presuming op is at her parents for mutual moral support?

Will your partner be reasonable re the split and sorting finances? Is it worth getting legal advice anyway?

Sorry all this has come at once - they do say bad luck comes in 3s don't they. I'd focus on the practical stuff - insurance to get back in business asap - and solicitor to make sure your ex doesn't try to rip you off.

Ok, things feel shit now, but what I'm seeing is

• you're 23 and had your own business. Wow!

• your insurer will cover your trailer.

• you'll have a lump of cash when his parents buy you out of your house.

So in summary, you're 23, single, about to have a cash injection & have a proven record of being proactive. I'd say you've got a very bright future.

'He won't take more than his fair share'

• sorry, but please don't consider that feeling at all. Completely dismiss it, even if it's likely to be true, and treat the whole transaction as you would if it were a business transaction with a person you don't know.

You presumably thought he 'wouldn't' dump you when you'd just been bereaved and had an accident, right?

You don't need to get arsey about it, but simply get three agents in to value it independently for a start, agree a price with him, and then tell him, quite unemotionally, that as you are going to also have the cost of finding a new home, moving your stuff etc., and he won't, as a result of HIS decision, then you will expect a % more than that 50%, or you won't agree to being bought out. I'd make it around a grand - cost of moving, the fact that you now won't be paying off a mortgage and he will, cost of rental deposit etc.

Also, think about NOT being bought out if you think the house is going to rise in value in the next few years and you would have trouble getting a mortgage on your own. It's your investment too, above and beyond being your home. He can't actually take it off you, and if it makes financial sense, you could keep it.

YoullLikeItNotaLot thank you, that means a lot I've been with ex for so long that I'm desperately out of my comfort zone.

JeanSeberg yes, he'll be reasonable. I've no doubt about that.

TheyLearnedFromBrian I didn't think of that actually, thank you. I don't think that would be unreasonable to ask. He'll also be keeping a lot of white goods, which to be fair his family gifted us so is probably more his than ours.

I know it's an awful platitude but in a couple of year's time you'll look back at this and be glad you endured it and came out the other end unscathed. Which you will. Because it's a test of your true character.

Similar happened to me a while back: mother dangerously ill (died after six months in hospital after three surgeries and three stints in ICU), bloke gave me the elbow over the phone from abroad, employers behaving like absolute cunts. I thought I was going to have a bit of a breakdown at the time but later, you know what I felt? STRONG. INVINCIBLE. I realised if I could with all of that shit going down at the same time I could most probably deal with anything life threw at me. And I have. And so will you.

Take the money and go off to NZ to spend some time with your friend there? Have an adventure? You're so young and it sounds like you've been working hard. How about a year out?

No, they gifted them to both of you. Ask for half the value. Because of him, you'll now have to buy replacements.

Echo what others have said - you're young. Better to find out now that he's a flake. Be glad you haven't gone ten years more down the line with him.

You'll like it has it!

You're some pup, op.

Thought I'm dreadfully sorry for your loss and that it's all come at once.

Be very gentle with yourself x

*though.

No, they gifted them to both of you. Ask for half the value. Because of him, you'll now have to buy replacements.

You could equally say that because of him and his parents, she's had free white goods for X number of years.

If I bought a washing machine for my son it would be for him and I'd expect him to keep it if they broke up.

I'm not sure re: the white goods. They were given to us as housewarming gifts when we first bought our house.

I'm considerably older than you but, like you, had a period of awfulness in a very short period - my lovely parent died, my long term partner dumped me and DS who has mental health issues told lies about me causing DB to turn against me. It was truely horrible. But I got through it one day at a time, as you will. You are clearly an intelligent and resourceful young woman.

Its diifficult to start with because suddenly you don't have an obvious path laid out in fron of you, as you did last month, which can be scary. But you'll cope, believe me.

My ordeal was 2 yeras ago and I can honestly say my life is happier than its been for years. You'll be fine.

Imperial, that surprises me. She says they were gifts to them both. Surely that isn't the way you see it - gifts to your son/daughter and partner are actually really for them and the 'joint' element is - well, fake? That's so divisive. I can't imagine thinking like that - or at least, I'd be honest and make a gift of anything 'large' to my child alone.

Housewarming gifts BELONG to you both. They just do.

Maybe the answer would be to tot up who used said washing machine the most...

Sorry, just reread everything and seen that the OP's living with him in a house they own and they've been together 5 years. Sorry, because of her age I thought they were renting and hadn't been together as long. My mistake :(

No, I will be nice to my son's girlfriends, I promise!