How to ruin your life in 7 days

[HairyOrk]

My grandmother died unexpectedly last Tuesday which was horrific and shocking for myself and my family. I run a catering business from a trailer and yesterday had an accident which has probably written it off (insurers will contact me tomorrow) meaning that my main source of income has been ripped in two. I have no money to my name because of setting up this business. And this afternoon my partner - whom I have lived with for 5 years and owned a house with - dumped me.
I'm at my parents, will have to sleep on the sofa as they have no room (much younger siblings aged 7 and 11). The funeral is on Friday.
I'm 23 years old and feel like my life has been torn to shreds.
How could it get so bad so quickly? What do I do? How do I survive? I have only 2 friends, both of whom live very far away (other side of the country and new zealand!)

Imperial - yes, living together 5 years and owned a house for 18 months

Hello Hairy

I am sorry for the loss of your grand parent & for your business & partner

It may seem bleak at the moment

BUT, The world works in very mysterious ways !

In the future you may look back on this time as a major turning point in your life, as it may turn your life 180 degrees better in a positive way !

If you get a chance to go to New Zealand to visit your friend before you start up your business again, I recommend it. It is a long way to go but well worth it !

Take some legal advice about the house you share with your partner. If you are in UK. If your partner is unable to buy your share, the house should be sold & you arrange how to split any profit if there is any. Even if you are not living there if your name is on the mortgage you are liable to pay.

Take comfort & support from friends & family in real life

Good luck !

My family keep mentioning that I should travel. We have family in New Zealand and Australia and my best friend lives NZ too but I rather pathetically can't imagine any future, let alone one that I do something so big on my own (and I travelled to South Africa and lived there alone for 6 months when I was 17!)

You don't have to make any big decisions right now. There's too much on your plate, there's no urgent need to plan everything out right now. You've been hit by 3 big shocks in a few days and I think it's normal to feel completely confused and lost at the moment.

Deal with the insurance. Grieve for your Grandmother. Tell your ex that you won't make any decisions about house etc for a couple of months while you are dealing with the first two things. That's quite enough for now.

Sorry you are facing all this. It is a cliche I know, but you will cope and come out of it all in the end, and you will be able to cope with almost anything after this!

Life rarely goes according to plan, sometimes the surprises are good ones, sometimes bad. Sometimes a bit of both - as another poster said, you'll shortly have some more money to put into your business/travel/whatever, you'll be single so can do whatever you want to do now. What happened was bad, but in the end what can come out of it can be good, in the long term. Every time in my life I've been hit for six and in the middle of a big disaster - a few years later I can see it was a catalyst for change and good stuff, however hard it was at the time.

So in summary, you're 23, single, about to have a cash injection & have a proven record of being proactive. I'd say you've got a very bright future.

^ this

I'm so sorry you're going through this, OP. It is a lot to deal with in one go. Especially when you are 23 (and I do not mean that in a patronising way at all - it would be a hell of a lot for anyone at any age to deal with, but harder when you are younger because it sounds like the first time that the bottom has fallen out of your life, so you are very much learning to write the script of how to deal with it).

The first thing to say is: I'm so sorry about your grandmother. It must be a huge shock. I am glad that you are at home with your family and able to support one another at this very difficult time. Take your time to cry, and to remember her together. It helps.

The second thing is: don't worry too much about the trailer. Work out the practicalities of what you can claim with the insurers. You may be entitled to hire another equivalent vehicle to carry on your business, you may get compensation - there are all kinds of solutions. If you don't have savings, speak to your family about a short-term loan - if they can't help, then speak to your bank about your situation. Deal with the financial stuff early and up front and problems shouldn't build up.

Thirdly: Your DP sounds like a right arse, and no mistake! Who on earth dumps someone in those circumstances? Of course, the other posters are right that you've had a lucky escape long term, but that doesn't make this any easier for you right now. My advice to you is to open up to family and friends (via internet if need be) and to cry all you want. Make sure you don't agree to anything with him regarding financial or legal circumstances without consulting a lawyer.

Finally, take your time over the future. You really can do anything, but now isn't the time to make big decisions necessarily. Be gentle with yourself, and take it easy.

so sorry about your grandmother. What an awful week.
I just wanted to echo what others have said - this is an awful, difficult time but take it slowly and let yourself grieve for your grandmother and your relationship.
You sound like a very together and strong woman - you will get through this and you will be stronger and happy.

Hello

if its worth anything you didn't ruin your life its a bad chain of very unfortunate events well beyond your control, i think everyone else has covered the what to does and practical sides

I'm sorry for your loss, someone once told me grief is the price we pay for love so you should actually look at your sadness as happiness and a sign of how much that person loved you and you loved them

and now you are completely free from the ties of a job and partner etc plus have a nice lump sum coming the world really is your oyster (flowers)

Sorry for all your losses.

Dont let his parents rip you off.

Can you get an estate agent around for a valuation? You own half the house, you dont HAVE to sell your share to his parents.

I would also suggest you ask your XP for a few weeks to consider your options, given the amount of stuff you have to deal with at present. If he is the decent man you say he is, he will understand (and if he is not actually going to behave honourably, the sooner you find out, the better.)
A decent man will be happy for you to get independent legal/financial advice before the sale of the house is agreed. His timing in ending the relationship may not be great but some people would consider it far more hurtful for a partner to be hanging on, biding his/her time after falling out of love, just so as not to look like the bad person.
As posters said upthread: this could be a turning point for brighter future for you. Good luck.

Thank you to everyone.
Ex has said that he still loves me and always will and I'm 100% positive he's not going to try anything dodgy, I trust him enough to leave my cat there as currently have nowhere to put her. I'll still be getting everything done by the book though.

I've found somewhere to live, a room at a nice house share local to my parents. Moving day is Valentines day (for god's sake!) so I have some time to be close to family too.
Absolutely bizarrely, the house is owned by a rather attractive fireman which is so odd because my ex and I always had a running joke that if we broke up I'd move straight in with a fireman - how bizarre!
It was a difficult decision to make when he offered me the room this afternoon as it suddenly felt very very real. And very final. That was the first time I cried about the whole thing. When I told ex he was upset too.

The trailer will be fine, luckily I'm always one that has a back up plan and I work 2 days a week as a Nanny too; just in case! So I have money coming in.

My grandma's funeral is Friday and tbh, everything else has kind of blinded me to that and I'm grateful in a way as that's just a hideous thing I can't think about now, it's too painful.

OP, good to see your update.

I'm so sorry about your Gran, but as said upthread - that grief is the price you pay for the great relationship you had, and you'll always have those memories

There is no rush to make any decision on anything.

Wishing you all the very best for the future.

Exactly what Brian says.

Hello Hairy

You are doing great !

I am sorry your partner has been so unsupportive !

Take time to be with your family & share memories about your grandparent

Life often throws random things at us, but that is what makes us stronger

Take care

hairy. Well done for getting a place sorted and I hope Friday goes as ok as it can.
Your thread is quite inspiring to me - I think my husband has left / is leaving me.
He texted me yesterday when I was at work to say he was going to stay with family for a bit. I have no idea what his plans are.
Your strength is giving me strength. Sorry to derail.

It was my Grandmother's funeral today
I bottled out of giving the speech I was meant to as we were called up and was rewarded with a 15 minute flooding nose bleed, sat like some kind of blood covered imbecile in the front row! Tears, snot and blood were what I bought to the day, I felt awful.

Oh love! I'm sure your gran wouldn't have minded. Hope it went ok. Just wanted to echo the other posters and say you sound like a remarkable young woman. If you're this articulate and tenacious at your age, your future already looks bright! Good luck, though I suspect you won't need it.

Smudge is right, your grandmother wouldn't have minded. For what it's worth I couldn't give a speech at a ceremony like this, one of my relatives was supposed to at my grandparents and they just couldn't, I think this is very common. Don't worry about how you appeared, think about her, even if you cry. She obviously loved you very much and that's a special thing.

Good news about the houseshare and the hunky fireman I have a feeling everything is going to turn out alright for you, you seem to have a lot of initiative even if you don't feel like it right this second.

Hope you're ok Hairy