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Original poster

If your SO becomes friends with a new person on FB

41 replies

OnHerMajestysSecretCervix · 01/02/2015 10:52

Do you enquire as to who they are/how they know them? In a friendly way of asking.

Does it make a difference if it is a person of the opposite sex?

Or are you not bothered when they make new friends?

OP posts:
MythicalKings · 01/02/2015 10:56

My DH won't do Facebook. But if he did I wouldn't cross examine him.

LosingTheWillToSkate · 01/02/2015 10:59

I generally have no idea who my DH is friends with on Facebook, with the exception of mutual friends because it comes up on my feed sometimes

But if for any reason I did notice, I'd never think to ask him how or why they were friends, and I'd be pretty pissed off if he thought that he had any sort of right to demand to know why I was friends with people, regardless of their gender

Aside from that, if you can't even exercise some trust on Facebook Then what hope is there in real life?

WowserBowser · 01/02/2015 11:00

No

Joysmum · 01/02/2015 11:01

Nope

Nolim · 01/02/2015 11:01

No.

MuttonCadet · 01/02/2015 11:02

Yes I would, and it's nothing to do with trust, I love my husband and I'm interested in what's going on in his life.

StayGoldPonyBoy · 01/02/2015 11:03

I'm not bothered but if they come up on my feed I'll have a click and a snoop. I do that to everyone though to try figure out if I know them too, not just DH cos I need to keep tabs on him. Being Facebook friends isn't the same as being 'going out' friends. If he said he was off out with x and I didn't know their name I'd ask who that was, just to make conversation.

Creatureofthenight · 01/02/2015 11:11

No

magpieginglebells · 01/02/2015 11:13

No. I just had a quick scan through my husband's friend list. I reckon I don't know about 50% of them. Assuming they're school, university and work friends.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 01/02/2015 11:18

I might I suppose.

It would definitely be odd and a bit flagy to ask all the time unless you had reason to be suspicious, but asking occasionally could just be taking an interest.

DropYourSword · 01/02/2015 11:22
  1. Potentially, if they have said something interesting or funny I might ask who they were out of interest
  2. Not at all
  3. No, I'm happy he's happy, popular and sociable.

But then I have no reason not to trust him. If I asked him he'd say exactly the same!

creambun2014 · 01/02/2015 11:25

He has about 300 friends on there and there are very few I haven't met. We got together as teenagers, and socialise in same circles though

GirlDownUnder · 01/02/2015 11:26

Are you the questioner or questionee ?

usualsuspect333 · 01/02/2015 11:27

He doesn't do FB and has no interest in mine.

LastNightADJSavedMyLife · 01/02/2015 11:28

I did the other day as I knew her too, but aren't friends on FB with her - but in a "how on earth do you know her?!" way

Generally I don't know lots of people on his friend list as he is in a band, is mad about a football team, is from a different area originally than me, so why would I.

westielover · 01/02/2015 11:36

Surely the last thing your SO would do is add a potential love interest/fling on FB. If anything, DH adding a woman on FB would tell me there is definitely nothing going on with her as she now can see endless photos of him loved up with me and our kids... Wink

Original poster
OnHerMajestysSecretCervix · 01/02/2015 11:40

Thanks all.

GirlDownUnder I'm neither really as I haven't actually asked. But I would be the questioner if I did.

The ExDH didn't do FB so I have never really had this.

BF is my second proper relationship.

I wasn't sure if it is my insecurity taking over if I were to inquire in a 'Ooh a new friend. How did you meet her?' or if this is something that you can ask.

It's not a trust thing, it's an interested thing if that makes any sense.

It came up on my newsfeed that 'BF is now friends with so and so'.

So yeah, wasn't sure if this is something you bring up or not in a passing way Blush

But sometimes I think I get too influenced by 'Cheating partner's new friend' on here. I know I really shouldn't slaps self

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 01/02/2015 11:59

If I were to inquire in a 'Ooh a new friend. How did you meet her?' or if this is something that you can ask.

If you did ask, I wouldn't necessarily recommended phrasing it like that. You might not be meaning it the way it comes across, but it sounds a little accusatory.

If they are just friends on Facebook it wouldn't occur to me to ask. All sorts of weird people friend request people they've met for all of 3 seconds via another acquaintance. It doesn't mean a thing.

HootyMcTooty · 01/02/2015 12:36

I'm fairly confident I wouldn't even notice if DH added a new friend on FB (not that he does FB). I've no idea who he's friends with on FB as I don't stalk his friends list. If I did notice he was friends with someone I didn't know I'd assume it was either a former university friend or work colleague.

HootyMcTooty · 01/02/2015 12:38

*He's on FB, but doesn't do FB - joined grudgingly because his friends organise things via FB.

GirlDownUnder · 01/02/2015 12:40

Does it feel like an insecure question to you?

If yes, that's maybe how it'll come across, but it really depends on your relationship and how you talk to each other ie would he ask you about new FB friends?
Does he know you're a little insecure? Does it make you feel 'weaker' in your relationship? Is it something you'd like to not feel?
Just things to think about Smile

I ask my DH re new names on his FB generally only if they've commented on a post we're both in, but he never asks me. I'm much nosier tho Grin

middleagedbread · 01/02/2015 12:41

OP, my dh plays some fb strategy game with people worldwide some who are female. He has loads of friends I don't know. I leave him to get on with it Grin , and he leaves me to get on with mn.

MrsKCastle · 01/02/2015 12:41

I wouldn't even notice. We're both on FB but I have no idea how many friends he has or who they all are.

If I did notice, I don't think I'd bother asking.

outtahell · 01/02/2015 12:45

I sometimes ask DP "who's this, who's that" about his FB friends whether they are male or female. I don't think he's planning on bonking any of them, I'm just curious. He's the same with me.

Original poster
OnHerMajestysSecretCervix · 01/02/2015 13:00

GirlDownUnder That's the thing. I would be bringing it up in a nosey way but not sure if it would come across as an insecure thing. I think it's because I have a very small number of fb friends and I hardly ever add new people as, well, I just don't meet new people Blush so I am genuinely interested how he meets these new friends as he can be quite selective as to who he adds too.

middleagedbread Hah yeah, he is a gamer too. It is probably a fellow gamer but as I said I am nosey. But I don't want to come across as insecure or whatever. Bloody minefield sometimes.

outtahell Yeah that's how we usually are with each other in regards to pre-existing fb friends. I just don't know how it is when it comes to newly acquired friends.

OP posts:
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