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Original poster

If your SO becomes friends with a new person on FB

41 replies

OnHerMajestysSecretCervix · 01/02/2015 10:52

Do you enquire as to who they are/how they know them? In a friendly way of asking.

Does it make a difference if it is a person of the opposite sex?

Or are you not bothered when they make new friends?

OP posts:

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 01/02/2015 14:08

I wouldn't even notice, let alone ask how he knew them. If I happened to see he'd made friends with someone id assume it was someone he knew from the past who he'd only just become friends with on there, someone from work or someone from his hobby.

shaska · 01/02/2015 14:26

"If they are just friends on Facebook it wouldn't occur to me to ask. All sorts of weird people friend request people they've met for all of 3 seconds via another acquaintance. It doesn't mean a thing."

This.

If there was a constant influx of random women as friends and a much fewer number of men I'd probably query it I guess. But the day to day adding of 'friends' of a mix of genders doesn't bother me at all.

MythicalKings · 01/02/2015 15:48

I have quite a few friends who added me after I joined an "interest" group. I'm in a few photography groups and other members have added me.

AnyFucker · 01/02/2015 15:51

I wouldn't even notice, tbh

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 01/02/2015 17:01

I have only ever noticed if it comes up on my page saying "dh is now friends with so and so" and because I am nosy and if he happens to be sat in the same room as me I might go "ooh, who is that?"

I would not remember or care to ask later if he was not there, or think to look through his friends list or anything though.

grumpasaur · 01/02/2015 17:08

I would ask, mostly because I am nosy and want to know / be involved in everything! I am also pretty insecure, though getting much better with DH, so I do ask so he can reassure me too sometimes. Luckily he knows me well and why I am asking so it never causes an issue or anything - just knowing I can ask him whatever and he will be honest rather than angry with me is a huge thing!!

DrankSangriaInThePark · 01/02/2015 17:14

I wouldn't ask, I wouldn't notice. It was me who signed dp up for FB - he wasn't arsed originally. Have no idea how many friends he has, or how many are female, or how he knows them.
I think I would be interested though if I didn't trust him, or suspected him of something. Who wouldn't?

Jaded2004 · 01/02/2015 17:18

If you trust him then there need be no issue.
If you would ask a friend the same thing about one of their new friends then it follows that it's cool to ask SO, if you wouldn't then it's not.

Fairylea · 01/02/2015 17:23

After my ex dh left me for an old girlfriend he reconnect with through Facebook I am very wary. Yes there must have been issues for anything to happen anyway but Facebook just makes things a whole lot easier - you talk to people on there years before you would have just walked past on the street and casual acquaintances quickly become privy to everything you do. It's quite intimate really.

I am now remarried and thankfully my now dh is the same as me and we both don't like each other having exes or friends of the opposite sex on there. It does help that we are largely unsociable anyway but we both have about 25 "friends" each, half of them family. If either of us added someone new I think we would both be interested to know who they were.

sykadelic · 01/02/2015 18:07

I've asked for girls and guys before. DH knows plenty of people I don't know from before we were together but we've been married 5 years now so if he added a new person I'd definitely ask (and have) in a "hey who's XX?" kinda way.

If it was a girl it would sound insecure to me only because I felt insecure. So you need to ask yourself what you're going to say or how you're going to feel about his response because it WILL turn into a grilling if you're not happy with his answer ("Just a girl I met").

Being FB friends doesn't mean he's having an affair/cheating on you, doesn't mean he isn't either.

It IS a good time to talk about your opinions / standards on FB friending/posting/statuses... such as:

adding people you don't know
sharing photos of your/his kids
sharing ugly/compromising/embarrassing photos
sharing personal information
sharing arguments with each other or posting passive/aggressive comments about each other
whether you would ever exchange passwords (there is no reason not to if you're not doing anything bad imo)

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 01/02/2015 18:15

Fairylea do either of you have friends of the opposite sex in RL? My good male friends would be completely if I said I couldn't be friends with them on Facebook because I had agreed with DH that we wouldn't have friends of the opposite sex on there. I only have good friends on there but some of them are male!

Trills · 01/02/2015 18:17

I might do, not because I thought anything untoward was happening but because it might be an interesting topic of conversation.

Same if someone didn't know posted something on their wall.

Oh yeah, that's Jess, we met when I was travelling around Argentina and found out that we both grew up in Glamorgan.

That's Sam who I met at the conference last week. Sam went to Cornwall last year and might have some good recommendations for places to visit in the summer

avocadotoast · 01/02/2015 18:22

I wouldn't know because I'm not on FB (although he is). But I wouldn't ask anyway, as he's involved with a lot of band/music stuff that means he adds new people all the time.

ITHOUGHTISAW2ANGELSAHEADOFME · 01/02/2015 19:04

My dh has a rule. No colleagues on fb until they leave so if its a friend not mutual i guess its an ex colleague. It bothers me a bit esp women. But then again i have old school crushes on my fb lol so i dont say anything.

Fairylea · 01/02/2015 20:22

Gottobe - to be fair neither dh nor I have friends of the opposite sex in real life. Dh works with a couple of women much older than him (he is late 20s and they are 50+) and would consider them acquaintances but he wouldn't add or accept them on Facebook. He also goes along with the idea someone else mentioned about not adding anyone from work anyway.

We are very private people and I guess having both been stung in previous relationships we like to keep ourselves to ourselves. At one point just before I met dh I had nearly 300 people on Facebook and it all became a bit daft - I'd end up having to think and re think what I posted all the time and I got a bit drawn into the popularity contest type side of it. Which is ridiculous really.

When I met dh I toned down a lot my wild child type ways. I stopped drinking, had a bit of a problem with drinking anyway to be fair and dh didn't drink so it seemed best if I just stopped and I unfriended the vast majority of people I had on Facebook apart from my absolute nearest and dearest. Finding my dh was like a fresh start for me.

I admit I am quite old fashioned (a reformed wild child of nearly 35 now!) but if dh made friends with a woman and added her on Facebook alarm bells would be ringing for me. I know they would be for dh if the situation was reversed too.

I'm not saying anyone else is wrong for being different. It's just what works for us.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 01/02/2015 20:29

Makes sense if you've been stung in the past Fairylea, whatever works for you

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