Does anybody in an abusive relationship..

[Girl33]

Have trouble convincing themselves they are in one??? All the signs are there but I can't trust myself after all this time. What I'm trying to say is, has anybody thought they were and been wrong? Grasping at straws here.
He's emotionally abusive but I'm having trouble convincing myself it's bad enough to leave :(

I don't do anything to provoke a reaction anymore. I'm a stay at home mum with no social life.

Might it help if you started having a social life, got a job, did what you want irrespective of his reaction?

Live as you want to live.

I want to be home with my son. I can't work because of his shifts and nursery would take all my wage. I have friends but I wouldn't know what to say to them anymore.

I'm sorry you sound so resigned to your fate. Hope you find a way to improve your life and that of your child.

I was told repeatedly that my relationship was abusive, I didn't believe then and I don't believe it now but given how many people said it I expect that I am the one who is wrong - I still don't believe them though. It didn't stop me from LTB though. Good luck.

As a single parent you would get help towards childcare costs. Go to entitledto and enter your details. Plus you could get maintenance, working and child tax credits, housing and council tax benefits possibly too.

It sounds to me as if you already know the truth, but that you aren't ready to do anything about it yet. That is your decision.

But remember, the day will come when you get so tired of living as you are now that you WILL want to leave. It's best to start preparing for it now, even if you aren't ready to actually leave. Being prepared doesn't mean you are going to do it, it just means you are ready.

Think about your future employability, educating yourself or getting some type of qualification, even if all you do is research what it would take.

Think about finances, educate yourself as to what benefits you may qualify for & how to claim them, what your H would be liable for in maintenance & how to go about that. Consider seeing a solicitor for a free consultation.

Think about living in peace without him. Where would you want that to be? What is the cost of living there?

Think about starting a 'fuck you fund'. That's money you stash away to enable you to get away, even if all you can do is hide a few £ a week. Just having enough for a couple of nights in a hotel can make you feel more secure.

I've been there. I did it. You can, too.

I think you know the answer to your question. whether or not he has all the classic EA symptoms or not, he is not kind, loving or supportive, he is cruel & belittles you, You are not weak to leave, you don't need to justify your actions, people divorce all the time. You just reply we aren't compatible, I'm not happy.
He will almost certainly start being nice as soon as you tell him to get out. its a well known cycle of EA

Been here in this situation....I had been given some great advice. Like you I was questioning....maybe if I didn't say that as cheeky, or maybe I'm wrong to be pissed at him drinking all night n not coming home, maybe....maybe....maybe. It's as if you try to find a reason for the cause of him as you currently can't see it for what it is because your feelings and love get In the way. The advice that rung true to me??? You may not be able to leave today, maybe in a week or so....but there will come a time when you just KNOW I don't deserve this and youl be ready and have the strength and all the doubting will stop. because unless this man recognises what he's doing is wrong and does a complete u turn(which I can tell you he won't as he has no respect for your feelings now) he will push you to get to this point. Like others have suggested. Seek some advice from CAB, women's aid, do a calculation on tax credits online see what entitled to, prepare yourself and empower yourself for the time when you KNOW you deserve better. It will make your decision easier/smoother in the end.

Thankyou keiramc that really gave me hope. Waiting for my undeniable moment.

Girl33 I'm glad to pass on some advice. My moment of clarity only came 2 months ago (after 2 years and a baby) who came 2 months early due to stress partly caused by him looking back now he tortured me and I truely changed who I was to please him and still he found fault and made me out to be this awful person he couldn't stand. Like you I had started to ask advice on am I being unreasonable on situations where I questioned was it me, I had started to slowly realise something is not right here but I still couldn't put my finger on it, so this is where I got that advice about youl KNOW when it's time and until that time comes have your ducks in a row, even if your still questioning,have your "angel plan" was what the poster called it. And true to form it truely was and reassured me I was free to walk and I know my plan is in place.