Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Ar$e!!!!!)

29 replies

essbee · 21/04/2004 18:51

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
LadyMuck · 21/04/2004 19:01

Oh no, you poor thing.

I vaguely remember at having looked at this a while ago. I think that in most instances he would be perfectly entitled to live there even during a divorce, but the main exception is where he has been or could be violent towards you or the children.

Sorry, can't quote anything to support that, but hopefully someone else can (if it is right!).

Janstar · 21/04/2004 19:03

Who earned the money he owes tax for? Are you tied up with him business-wise?

Original poster
essbee · 21/04/2004 19:03

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Original poster
essbee · 21/04/2004 19:04

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
LIZS · 21/04/2004 19:07

As my DH has just succinctly put it your AH is talking bo**cks. As I'm sure you already know you are taxed independently and presumably he would have claimed a Married allowance, it is HIS bill, but then I guess that is just a side issue.The IR would probably accept installments if he really is that hard up. He can't be allowed to blackmail you like this.

Can't believe he could move back in if you have a judicial separation, especially given the history which SS could substantiate. Did you change the locks in the end as now might be a good time - lose a key if needs be.

Sorry he is being such a pain in the proverbial. Take care,

Janstar · 21/04/2004 19:12

Sounds as if he is trying to worry you. I wouldn't have thought he could actually do anything. I'll ask my dh in a minute, he works in tax.

littlemissbossy · 21/04/2004 19:21

essbee, can't believe it, how ridiculous!!! if it's his name on the bill, then he's the one to pay it, tell him to "go b***ks"

coppertop · 21/04/2004 19:21

I know nothing about tax but just wanted to say "THE MAN IS AN ARSE!" Hopefully MN'ers will be able to give you the info you need. Good luck.

Janstar · 21/04/2004 19:29

My dh says he will have to pay it himself. If he wanted to try and get you involved he would have to go through solicitors which would cost heaps anyway and it's extremely doubtful he would succeed.

Original poster
essbee · 21/04/2004 19:31

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Original poster
essbee · 21/04/2004 19:33

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
JJ · 21/04/2004 19:37

Call Inland Revenue and ask them what to do. I'm not sure if they'll help you as such, but they'll give you an idea of where you stand on this. And he might listen to that? Or at least you'll know the legalities.

And, as everyone else has said, this is blackmail on his part, pure and simple.

dickhead.

lou33 · 21/04/2004 19:42

Keep the answerphone message and take it to the solicitor, to show as proof he is bullying you and trying to blackmail you. He has a legal responsibility to take care of you and the children surely?

fairyfly · 21/04/2004 19:44

Call the csa now, give them his work adress they will do the rest, he can't move back in, you owe him nothing and he can't withdraw his money, it is illegal

noddy5 · 21/04/2004 19:47

I am fairly sure he is talking cr*p as if you paid your tax you are fine,tax isn't a shared thing except if you run your own business he is trying it on.Get legal advice or ring the inland revenue

twiglett · 21/04/2004 20:42

message withdrawn

wobblyknicks · 21/04/2004 21:12

Essbee - If he wants any money out of you then he'll have to go through the court and that'll take ages and they won't order you to pay anything you don't have to or anything you can't afford.

And I'm sure you can still get an injuction, especially if he's threatening you, call the police and find out. Ok, it might make him angry but that's better than him moving back in!

If the worst comes to the worst, remind him that I know what he looks like now and you'll babysit for me while I hunt him down and do something very nasty with two bricks!!!

WideWebWitch · 21/04/2004 21:39

essbee, can you threaten him with an injunction? You solicitor CANNOT be serious about him having any right to move back in, surely? He was violent to you and your son and social services were involved, surely that's enough to stop him? Taxation is independent, you are not liable, he's talking toss. (haven't posted book yet, sorry, will do asap btw)

kiwisbird · 21/04/2004 21:41

ARSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If he really gets pushy a wee call to social services if you can bear it should amke sure her comes nowhere near the house... the threat may even be enough
and as for the tax.
twunt

SoupDragon · 21/04/2004 21:54

He is A R S E Y!
He is A R S E Y!

I can indeed confirm it was like talking to a child. How many different ways can you say "I don't have the money"?? I would like to convey my admiration of essbee's patience. I wanted to snatch the phone from her shout "F off you w**! Aren't you listening?" and then hang up.

wobblyknicks · 21/04/2004 21:58

Soupy - so good you were there though, so you can back everything up!!!

Essbee - you really have got the patience of a saint - I don't know how you manage it. But definitely go and get an injunction on him. IIRC, in certain circumstances, if the person is threatening you, they don't need to be told you're getting an injuction until after you've got it, by which time its too late for him to get angry because he can't do anything to you without serious consequences.

lydialemon · 21/04/2004 22:14

Essbee, he's been violent to you. Sod his right to access, he can ring the doorbell. CHANGE THE BLOODY LOCKS!

My mum and dad split up when I was 16. I stayed in the family home with my dad because of college but after amonth or so he was essentially living with his girlfriend at her flat ( but told everyone I was lying when I said I was living alone - mum was staying about 60 miles away) I never knew if he would be at home or not and one night he tried to strangle me ( all my own fault - I was cheeky apparantly) after that I had real problems being by myself there. came home one night to find a suitcase in his room (he was picking stuff up for a weekend away, but I thought he was coming back to stay) and got a bit hysterical, Mum drove down first thing the next day chucked his suitcase and clothes in the shed and changed the locks.

This is a bit of a ramble, but it does have a point CHANGE THE LOCKS!!!!!

Original poster
essbee · 22/04/2004 00:19

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Freckle · 22/04/2004 09:41

Change the locks and don't give him a key. If he has the children, why would he need to take them home? If your neighbour was taking the children out, would you give them a key? No. If they needed anything, it could probably be provided by taking them to his home or it could wait until you are back.

It is only legal to break into a house if it is your primary residence. E.g. if you go on holiday and squatters move in changing the locks, you have every right to break back in. If, however, you have a holiday home and squatters move in, you cannot break in. You'd have to get an eviction order. So, as it is not his primary residence, he would have no right to break in if you changed the locks. If he wanted to move back in, he would have to apply to the courts and then you could raise the question of his violence. He would have to show a very good reason why he should be allowed back, when he seems to have been coping quite well elsewhere for the last 4 months.

CHANGE THE LOCKS.

Oh, and the tax bill is his.

piglit · 22/04/2004 10:09

Why don't you change the locks and if someone does say you weren't entitled to do it then you can say that you lost your keys, had them changed and "forgot" to give him a set. We all get forgetful at times....