Ex was arrested today for raping me. Feeling really panicky

[MsPunky]

My stbxh was finally arrested today for raping me twice when we were together.

He denied it and has been bailed until mid march.

I feel so panicky tonight. I'm so fearful of what will happen now. What if the police think I'm lying? I knew he was going to be arrested today but I never expected to feel so shaken.

I've nobody to talk to in rl and can't get through to rape crisis.

I don't know why I'm doing this to myself.

I believe you.

My xh was arrested in Sept for rape, wounding/gbh and several other assaults. His bail conditions meant he was not allowed to contact me or communicate directly or indirectly. I hope that your stbxh has similar conditions. As pp have said, keep your phone on you, and charged, and report anything. I had a specially trained officer take my statement, and I was able to contact her if I had any questions, if off duty I could text, and she'd reply when next on duty. Do you have anything similar?

Well done for being so brave

I think that you're very brave too.Well done love.Now look after yourself,make sure that you eat and drink lots of nourishing fluids.Best lay off the for now though.

I believe you.

I think you are so brave. I admire you so much for reporting him. Something I don't think I will ever be able to do. Be kind to yourself.

I believe you, and I think you are so brave for reporting him.

Look after yourself, be kind and keep reminding yourself that you have done the right thing.

I believe you. Thank you. People like you make the world safer.

I am sorry you are going through this but well done for having the courage to report it. I hope you get to speak to someone at Samaritans just so you have a supportive listener.

I believe you, what you did was a brave thing. I did the same although reported him 2 years later. He's been in prison for a year now and will be for a long time.
It gets easier, and you will love your decision. You've protected future woman from him. Well done xx

I was raped by my ex while we were together OP. I haven't reported it but have had loads of help from a lady at the victim support team in the local council, including being given alarms for all of my windows, doors and a personal alarm. She's there and knows my story if ever I need more help. Your local Sure Start should be able to put you in touch with a similar group locally to you. Best of luck

"juries should be briefed on the actual meaning of rape, ie rape within marriage/partnership is a crime...."

They are, aren't they? When the judge directs them. Also, where relevant, prosecuting Counsel will be making this clear through their examination of witnesses and in their introductions and summings-up.

You did the right thing by you hun. One step at a time. Have a look at what services you have nearby like counselling etc...you will need it xxxx

I'm a man. I believe you. Thank you for reporting him.

How are you this morning OP? Did you manage to talk to someone?

I believe you and hope that you were able to get through to talk to someone at the Samaritans last night.

Did you know that Victim Support is the national independent charity for people affected by crime. It provides a free confidential service, whether or not a crime has been reported and regardless of when it happened. Trained staff and volunteers at affiliated local charities can offer information, support and practical help.

(Victim Support also provides the Witness Service, based in every criminal court in England and Wales, offering assistance before, during and after a trial).

Tel. 08 08 16 89 111

Hours:
Mondays to Fridays 8am to 8pm
Weekends 9am to 7pm
Bank holidays 9am to 5pm

email:[email protected]

www.victimsupport.org

Well done love. How is today going? Are you ok?

Hi

I'm sorry it took me so long to come back. I've felt the need to just hide away for a few days.

I didn't phone the Samaritans and got through to a lovely lady. We had a long talk and I felt much calmer afterwards. The Samaritans are amazing. I don't know what if have done if I hadn't been able to talk to someone. Talking is amazingly powerful. I was very lucky that there was a female on duty. I still feel very shaky but I'm just taking things easy.

He is not allowed to contact us by any means at all and I feel pretty confident that he won't.

Thank you for the link for victim support. I'm going to give them a ring today. I know there's is nothing anybody can do but I jut feel the need to have some support. Someone I can just pick up the phone and talk to. I have a few people in rl that know but I find it really hard to show how I'm really feeling. I spent years putting on a brave face, staying strong for others, and it's hard to ask for help.

I can't thank you all enough for being here. Mumsnet has been an amazing source if support to me over the years. Ultimately it is mumnetters who helped me see what he was.

I seriously could not have done this without you all.

That should say I did get through to Samaritans.

Courage is not about feeling strong. Real courage is about feeling weak, pushing past your fears and doing it anyway. I think you're being extraordinarily courageous and I'm glad you got some support from the Samaritans. Best of luck

Thank you Cogito.

I am full of awe at how much courage you have. Thank you for being able to do what I never could.

How are you doing?

I don't feel courageous I feel really scared but I'm going to try and remember what cogito said.

It's not knowing what is going to happen next. I know the basics like the police are obtaining my medical records, even that scares me though. They need my records because I was suffering with Pnd and took sleeping tablets. Ex raped me while I was semi unconscious because of the sleeping tablets. But my mental health was so poor at the time and I'm frightened that will go against me.
If it gets to court the defence are going to pull me to pieces over my depression. I'm trying to not worry about things that are so far in the future but it's hard.

Also, I don't want to be viewed different by the people around me. I feel soiled by the whole thing.

You will almost always be able to get through to the Samaritans as calls get switched across the network to any centre that has a free line.

When I worked at Samaritans, I took calls from all over the UK, despite living in Buckinghamshire.

I am pleased you got some support from them. I think they are excellent.

Please keep trying to get in touch with Rape Crisis. There are several aspects to this. One is the criminal investigation process and, as anyone will tell you, that's a very challenging and possibly upsetting experience with no guarantee of a satisfactory outcome. Another is the personal aspect of - putting it simply - telling your story and being believed. That's something you have a lot more control over even if there isn't a successful prosecution.