He didn't love me enough to deal with my shit

[starshaker]

He left me. I feel so completely broken. I was happy for nearly 2 years then it was just gone. There was no arguments or anything. He just decided he had had enough and couldn't do it anymore. I thought he was it for me

How do I get over him. He was my best friend. I told him everything. I cant imagine him not being in my life

Sorry this has happened to you. It's hard when it comes like a bolt out of the blue.

You have a lot of feelings to work through and it all takes time but I promise that no matter how crap and hopeless you feel right now, eventually you will not feel this bad and you will make a new life.

Do you have anyone else to help you deal with your issues when you deal with the loss? I am sorry he left like a bolt out of the blue.

I'm sorry that you've had such a
shock. Can you talk to people in rl?

They keep saying he will realize he made a mistake and it will be ok. I know he wont and it wont be ok

Why will things not be ok?

It sounds like they think he'll come back. You are being more realistic in realising he isn't going to.

Things will be ok anyway - but in the future once you've recovered from all this. In the meantime, look after yourself, take to your bed with your duvet over your head and cry if that's what you want, make sure you eat something every day even if you don't feel like it, rage, play crappy songs that sum up how you feel, do what you need to do to get over the heartbreak. Don't expect it to feel ok tomorrow or next week or next month, but you will get there in the end.

What shit are you dealing with?

Did you argue?

He couldn't deal with your shit you say. Are you dealing with your shit?

He couldn't deal with the kids. Im in the middle of decorating so the place is in chaos. I am dealing with other issues and getting CBT to help. I know he was stressed at work and home but I thought we were ok. I always knew i loved him more but i thought it was enough. How stupid was I.

I miss him. I keep smelling his shirt. I need him. He made life good now its not.

Ok, so there's a lot going on in your life for him to take on board. (Apart from decorating as that's only temporary!).

Sorry he couldn't cope with it all, but he tried for a couple of years, presumably thought he could be what he needed to be, but has found out that he can't. It doesn't mean he didn't love you or love you enough. Love isn't enough to deal with some things, sorry. I know for a fact I couldn't be a step parent to young children in the household, so I would avoid getting into a relationship with a man with young children who lived with him. Your man didn't know this until he tried it. It's not you. It's not your kids. It's not really his fault either. I'm sure if he was a basically decent chap he feels bad about trying and failing, and letting you down.

I'm just hoping to make you feel that it was not just a matter of am I loveable enough? You are. It just wasn't the right relationship for him, and you're the one who's got hurt. That's crap. Don't let it hit your self esteem though.

If he can't or doesn't want to deal with your children you're much better off knowing now than further down the line.

Were you perhaps overly dependent on him? You can't give someone else the responsibly of making 'life good', it's too big a burden for anyone to bear.

He told me he didnt love me enough

It's a very hard thing to realize that we can't control what another person does or feels. And that a person does have the right to not deal with another person's shit. There is no 'right or wrong' in your situation. Just two people who want different things. You have children who need you and whom you love. He doesn't want to have to deal with children (not just yours, I'm sure, but children in general).

You are right and your friends are wrong. If I were you I'd ask them to not give me false hope, but to deal with the reality of the situation.

It will hurt for awhile, just try to roll with it. But eventually you'll realize it was for the best. For him to stay would have resulted in resentment; yours, his, or your children's.

im so sorry. it must feel very raw just now

Saying he couldn't deal with the children was just an excuse.

He said he didn't love you enough and that was the reason.

How many dc do you have OP?

I agree you need to ask your friends to stop giving you false hope.

I am sure you will be ok, OP. Good luck with the CBT and decorating.

Hey there star. I remember you, dont know if you remember me at al but I live not far from you and I've read bits of your story on here.

It's bloody awful when things end. And if it's out of the blue then it's even worse. But I know you can and will get through this, you are very strong and very capable.

However its okay to wallow for a bit. It's okay to be angry, sad, whatever you need to be. You just need to remember somewhere st the back of your mind that some time, this raw grief will be in Thr past and you will be happy again, and you need to let yourself be happy when the time comes.

Do you have a friend you can talk to in RL?

I dont feel very strong. I just miss him.

Hurting isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of human-ness.

When did this happen?

Saturday night

Morning, Star.

Hope you managed to get some sleep last night.

Keep on trucking, it's all you can do right now, how you are feeling is perfectly normal.

x

I think as well, do you have a solid plan to deal with the shit?? If that is what has screwed things yo, do you have a plan to deal with it so that it goes away for good and you can move on and get what you want out of life?

Sorry it ended. It's not your fault however. Your 'shit' as you put it is just part of who you are. Everyone has problems and everyone has a personality. You can't be a different person so there's no point blaming yourself. It didn't work out and ultimately you'll realise it's his loss, not yours.

Do you have friends or family you can be with?