Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Same script, OW and heart broken hand hold, shoulder and advice needed :(

57 replies

cindersinsuburbia · 25/01/2015 18:45

Well I ever thought I'd post this.

My H told me today that he was leaving me ands our 2 DC. Oh yeah and that he was having (a lot) of sex with a mum at the kids school who I know quite well.

He of course did not want to tell the kids, so I did, for their sakes and then he got rather pissed off when I didn't think him staying the dining room whilst still shagging another women was a good idea :-/ ( we rent and I pay.

So I feel bereft the kids are destroyed but I know I don't him back, he doesn't want me anyway, more that he has nowhere to go.

Sooooo any advise? I'm going to ask my doctor for a sick note for a couple of weeks, to sort things out and speak with the school but that's all my head as space for

Sad
OP posts:
SmatteringOfPatois · 26/01/2015 17:30

Cinders, you have done a fantastic job today, that all amounts to protecting yourself and your dcs.

YoullLikeItNotaLot · 26/01/2015 17:32

My H told me today that he was leaving me ands our 2 DC. Oh yeah and that he was having (a lot) of sex with a mum at the kids school who I know quite well.

Fuckinghell talk about shitting on your own doorstep! This has happened at my kids' school and I think the husband and OW are despicable.

It sounds like you've accomplished a lot today. Try to also get legal advice to ensure you're protected and he can't blindside you with anything.

Justwanttomoveon · 26/01/2015 17:34

Oh cinders, you poor thing, I've been through this and it is extremely tough.
Firstly, no need to apologise for having a pity party, mine lasted for months when ex walked off with ow.
Secondly, well done on everything you have achieved today.

And, it IS unfair, he is a selfish twat but I totally understand you wanting him to still want you, even if you would never take him back. There is still a small part of me that would like my ex to tell me it was a huge mistake and he wants me and we finished for good almost a year ago. (There is no way on Earth I would actually have him back but I suppose my pride would like him grovelling).

You will get through this but it takes time and unfortunately there is no way of knowing exactly how much time it will take.

You are absolutely right to keep contact to a minimum and do handovers of the children at the doorstep.

Take one day at a time for now and cry as much as you need to, lean on your friends and family, they will want to be there for you.

I found mumsnet a huge support for me so keep posting and you will get great support too Flowers

YoullLikeItNotaLot · 26/01/2015 17:35

O and fwiw, YOU shouldn't feel bad about YOURSELF. HE is the gutless arsehole who needed to look elsewhere to boost himself. He is the one that couldn't end his marriage if he was unhappy but had to have someone to run to because he'd be shit by himself.

You are strong. You are clear minded. You have integrity.

Justwanttomoveon · 26/01/2015 17:39

Also, you say you always came last with him, I felt the same way about my ex too and the thing is, they don't change, now his ow comes last from what I hear and after your ex's initial infatuation with ow, she will come last too.
If he treated you badly, he will treat her badly too.

WellWhoKnew · 26/01/2015 18:58

Well done - that's quite a list of achievements for one day.

The first few weeks you will be manic and busy, but the depressions will start kicking in. It's a torrid time, but you will get through it. Just take it one day at a time.

And if I could give you one piece of advice: Do NOT blame yourself. Do NOT attack yourself for not being taller/wittier/having the wrong shaped arse etc. He chose to deceive you and his children.

If you're the money earner, it's in your best interest to get the divorce petition in v. fast. I know it will be the last thing you feel like doing at the moment get yourself a bit of free legal advice as soon as possible so you know where you stand. Don't worry about sobbing your heart out to them (I did!) they've seen and heard it all.

You will heal, I promise.

redredholly · 26/01/2015 19:21

Dear god - poor you. What an absolute loverat bastard. And what an arse for creating a scandal where your kids go to school!!

cindersinsuburbia · 27/01/2015 18:41

Another day though, i'm feeling more balanced today, but after another unrestful sleep can't help thinking how unfair it seems.

The kids are still unsettled but have seen their dad twice now, he is hoping to rent a room so things will hopefully be better for the kids then.

humph! that's how I feel today Sad

OP posts:
Blue73 · 27/01/2015 19:00

You sound like you're dealing with a difficult and nasty situation in a brilliant way. If it is any consolation we've just been through this with friends of ours, within six months of the now ex-husband moving in with the OW he left her too - the honeymoon was well and truly over and now he's mourning the loss of his home and relationship. The wife on the other hand has met a lovely man, who treats her beautifully and she's thriving. These are the early dark days - but it will come good. You sound like a well balanced, lovely woman - he will come to regret his actions!!

rosiepinkcheeks · 27/01/2015 19:56

Good to hear from you. Just wanted to say I think you are dealing with a truly horrific situation so well. You have achieved so much in 2 days. You are a wonderful woman and mum and I have no doubt your husband will realise that and regret his shitty actions. Remember to look after yourself properly, eat and try and get some sleep. You will get through this. Flowers

MaMaof04 · 27/01/2015 20:02

Cinders, you are great! You have done so many positive moves today.

Your kids are still very young I understand. So why not hug them strong and bring them to sleep in your bed? their warmth their hugs can be great for you now! It helps a lot. I hugged my kids a lot when my H disclosed me his affair (that resulted in a child - and Disclosure Day was when the child was about 6!!!!).

I am absolutely OK now. My kids are also OK. Here my suggestions based on my experience:

Try to find someone to take your kids to school and to bring them from school (forget about homework) and just lay in bed a couple of days, hug yourself and enjoy being on your own-

you said you always came last with him. So good riddance of him.
Now you will come first with yourself.

I am now into zumba mix dance and yoga classes. At the start- straight after the DD- I could not focus on my steps/moves. I would just watch the clock/my watch and of course I would look at other people as if I were far away very far away from them in another planet - I was numbed by my pain. But I obliged myself to stay till the end of the classes. Every day I was able to focus for an extra minute more than the day before I was happy. It was less than half a year ago. Now I dance stretch and smile and smile- I have the broadest grin in my classes (I am the worst dancer but who cares...)

I remember at the start I would lye awake in my bed and I would feel like a drill in my heart- a big hole was being drilled in my heart and in my life because of his cheating. It was a mental and physical pain. My memories were being poisoned. So I told myself: I have a cancer but it is a curable kind of cancer. I just have to carefully cut out of my mind and my body the diseased parts and everything will then be fine. My cure is in my hands.

I told myself I will not let his affair define me- hence I fought against the need to continuously talk about it (I disclosed it to few people- my daughters were allowed to tell it to whomever they wanted- the little ones know that there was an OW but do not yet know about the little child.) I tried to listen to what others say- to their problems- I tried to remind myself all the time that there are many good people in worst situations and it humbled me. I wrote a lot on MN though. Women out here are great. (In fact now I am absolutely OK myself, there are still little problems but they are minor and I now visit MN to try to help other people - I am not sure I am good at helping- I just try every so often to help-)

The first weeks after DD I did not cook: I took the kids to McDonald and to junk food restaurants that they like. They loved it and when they enjoyed their food I let my mind wander...I did not do much cleaning or tidying either.

Just forget about the mess- avoid housework for a while- watch movies or read books or talk to friends. (Did you read White Lies? a nice book about mums of schoolchildren- betrayal- and forgiveness.) Delegate everyday tasks to others. Oblige yourself to go out for a walk, to sit in a park. Breath the air admire the flowers the sky etc etc Another thing I did: I subscribed to a dating site and I talked to many guys there. You will be surprised how many horny disgusting men are there - not all are like that of course- Anyway this site provided me with many males to talk to when I just needed to talk to people and when I was avoiding to drive nuts my friends (and myself). It helped. I thought of the poor wives of the married ones among them...I met no-one and I did not give much info about where I lived. I subscribed under a wrong name and address (wrong town).

Now about the kids: a good friend of mine -a man- told me that when he was thirteen years old his dad left the house to be with an OW. My friend told me that he did not care of the moral implications/meanings- what disturbed him a lot was seeing his mum crying in her room on her own in the dark. So it is good that you did not leave the kids in the dark. Explain to your kids that you are heartbroken but that you will soon be OK and that it does not have anything to do with them ; repeat to them that their dad will always be their dad and you and him will always love them. Of course you must tell them that their dad decided to go to be with an OW. They will discover it- the kids of the OW are in the same school if my understanding is correct. Moreover you have to empower them if other kids at school will bring it out at them. Just tell them the facts of the story: he left to be with this OW. Nothing to be ashamed of and it is OK that your heart is broken and if they are a bit sad it is also OK. Why did he go? you just tell them that this happens sometimes - don't put too much emphasis on his. They can't yet care of this aspect of the affair. Just repeat to them that it has nothing to do with them and reiterate to them that both of you will always be their parents and will always love them. Do not forget to let them know that you are strong. You are now hurt, but you will overcome this pain. And give them big hugs all the time.

It is absolutely OK that he does not meet the kids in your house: it is your sanctuary. When you will overcome this trauma then you might reconsider this policy. As at now be firm: we were in the same house and I was not speaking to him. I explained to my kids that I was too hurt. The kids should never guess your pain or catch you hiding it. Of course you must not show its magnitude but do not completely hide it: what they imagine will have far more devastating impact on them.

Financially: I see that you are taking the right protections.
About laws: there is plenty of info on the internet. Looking for the info will help you pass the time and also strengthen you in your legal fight.

Time is a big healer. Project yourself in the future. You do not want to be a bitter bitchy mum. You will become a more compassionate and content mum. And you know this kind of pain does move us out of our comfort zone- it strengthens and humbles us at the same time. I found myself thinking about people who lost limbs in war/accidents/or through illnesses. They learn to live without them. I lost part of my life: but I can cultivate a brand new one.
In all this affair you can hold your head high: you are absolutely OK- He is not- it is his problem. The OW: do not even think about her. If her thought comes to you just brush it aside and bring up instead the image of a dear person. Do not empower her in your mind.
It is cancer - part of you is dying- you are a great surgeon and you will slowly get rid of all the diseased cells- It is what I was telling myself....
Big Hugs! Good Luck! Keep us updated!

cindersinsuburbia · 28/01/2015 07:58

Thanks Ma for a great post, its nice to hear from someone who has been there.

I'm just feeling sorry for myself and my mind wanders to him and what he is doing, then I try and give myself a kick up the arse!

The truth is he was emotionally detached for years
He did not want to give kisses or cuddles,
Sex was rare and in the latter months non existent (go figure!)
We had nothing in common really
He dismissed my feelings
He treated me like a nuisance.

Its a difficult anniversary for my today and I was thinking 'its all right for him I've got to deal with this alone'
Then I thought WTF Cinders if he were here you would be dealing with it alone!!! i'd say 'i'm sad' he'd say 'get over it, people die' Hmm and I might get a forced cold cuddle

I had a horrible dream about her and him and I was screaming and crying and bitter... and he did not give a shit!

Just like in real life then Smile

I've join a meet up site Grin and dragging my mum along to a met up karaoke evening on Friday... nervous but cant wait to get out there! you know?

I might even sing!

Thanks for reading/lurking and answering it helps a lot I get need to get my thoughts out

OP posts:
loveliesbleeding1 · 28/01/2015 08:10

You are amazing, just wanted to say.Wine for friday!

sunshineandshowers · 28/01/2015 09:41

Wow cinders. Am in awe of you. You are a very strong woman. You can already see that things will be ok, with your 3 to 6 months into future.

I am a stranger to you, but I am very proud of you. Continue to stand tall. Lots of love xxx

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 28/01/2015 10:06

Firstly Flowers because it's a sad anniversary and you have a lot on your plate as it is. Secondly I am sorry this has happened but you sound so strong. What leaps out from the screen is how you're determined as much as you humanly can not to let that man trample over the DCs' childhood just because he's proved himself a weak immoral self-serving prick.

Very glad to hear that you have rl support as well as well-wishers here.

cindersinsuburbia · 28/01/2015 14:52

argh! wish I could shake this 'low' feeling, I don't want to feel this way he is a fucking tool! and yet is the first person I think of when I pick up the phone [small violins playing]

my friend says its that familiarity that I am missing, the routes, the things we did... I know this but argh Sad

OP posts:
MaMaof04 · 28/01/2015 16:55

I love you Cinders! Do not beat up yourself if you miss him or think about him- in such cases say to yourself: IT IS NOT BECAUSE HE IS SPECIAL but it is because I AM A NICE AFFECTIONATE WOMAN that I AM thinking/missing about him.
The things you used to do together as a family- continue doing them with your kids. Add to them some nice twist (what you used to drop off the activities to accommodate him- what the kids suggest). Make this date the anniversary of a new nicer life! BTW I intercept a lot of sense of humor in your post. It is great! That will help you get through! He went to this OW- good he freed you to be more connected to yourself. Remember: You got the kids (the OW will not take them- she got hers) and you got YOURSELF!!!!! Like you said you were already emotionally alone- now you will reconnect to your inner self- hug yourself (at the start I used to sleep on a guest bed in my little ones' room- and I used to beat the floor with my foot to lull myself into a sweet sleep).
Did you get some sleep?
Do you like singing?
Good Luck- Big Hugs (I am hugging a lot my dance and yoga instructors- no intentions behind- just for the good feeling factor- It is good fun... I am becoming the 'my love' my darling and big hugging lady...It is cool).
Ah I forgot: a glass of good wine with the dinner every evening and a good cup of coffee every morning helped me a lot. I do feel freer- It is like: hey there are many things I cannot control - why not enjoy what I got and control what I can (my behavior- my love for my friends- kids- others etc etc) The road is still tough but you are on the right path! Love and yes again BIG HUGS

cindersinsuburbia · 28/01/2015 17:51

Thanks MaMaof04 always nice to hear I am on right track! I am being civil for the kids so heres what I would have said as he was leaving after contact

Fuck you, just Fuck you Angry don't fucking ask about how I am feeling on my nana's anniversary, she meant more to me than you ever would, I don't care for your fake sympathy... twat!

WTF do you mean you never ruined my life?? you took my family as I knew it away, boo fucking hoo that you have been upset and cried, I know you've still been getting your sympathy sex from her, please.

I didn't love you for 2 years?? Fuck you. Fuck you for saying that, things were crap but I've always loved you, we were together my whole adult life until 3 days ago... worst things have happened to me?? Fuck you.

I shall do what I please, go where I please, and live my life and fucking enjoy it, knowing i'm not an unfaithful self serving twat who would stick his dick in anything.

and take the wedding ring off your neck your not fooling anyone Angry

OP posts:
MaMaof04 · 28/01/2015 19:35

Cinders, I just remember how much pleasure the F* word gave me these first couple of weeks! Now I do not say this word that much but I think about it as my little Fantastic Friend. This word is like a magic hard soil cleaning soap: it cleans all the dirt the affair built up in us. Say it again and again! say it when you meet him on his own and when you are speaking about him to your friends. It is a 'disinfectant' of the open wound of our broken heart. Have you heard the terrible f*ing jokes that run among respectable surgeons around the operation tables when they work to mend hurt bodies?
Of course in parallel we have to make sure that we do not destroy the good image the kids have of their dad-In my case: I did and do swear a bit around them- they must learn how to liberate themselves from negative feelings/emotions- they must learn to let it go- I just try to joke about it afterward- It is Ok to be naughty as long as they are not mean. Well I might be wrong but we are pretty content/happy now. Another thing: use as much as you can these first terrible weeks to find time to do things you stopped doing when you started building your family and that you will stop doing when you will have to resume your full job and your full parental responsibilities (homework- housework- etc etc). I love reading. Because of the kids and him I almost stopped reading but during the first month after the DD I just spent days and nights reading. Now I do not find much time to indulge in reading. So really make the most of these weeks: it is like if we have a second adolescence! rewiring our mind and heart and sending to hell all the adults we used to have around and of course peppering our speech with the F word and eating junk food...ANd of course nusrsing our big pain...

MaMaof04 · 28/01/2015 21:30

Dear Cinders, there is a thread called 'going over unfaithful DH' - interesting- plenty of nice advice. I feel that today was one of those awful days for you. Please be gentle on yourself- allow yourself to cry and be sad and even miss his fucking presence. Sometime you have to give in to the unbearable pain- let it numb you a bit- take the fetal positional and just let the pain come and go- if you can cry, please do cry. I hope someone is there for you and your kids. 'Good'night love

AliceinWinterWonderland · 29/01/2015 14:07

cinders someone I know has gone through almost the same situation (her DH cheated on her with one of her close friends, who she now sees every day on school run). She kicked him out, he is still together with OW. (obviously she and the OW are no longer friends either)

Two years on, she and her dc are absolutely fine. She is dating a lovely man who treats her well. And she is happy.

Hang in there. Better days are coming...

cindersinsuburbia · 29/01/2015 19:17

Thanks ma and Alice

It's been an up and down day it was my DC birthday and they had a great time Smile don't seem too affected

Crap because I was feeling positive and then arrangements to meet H where I was running 15 mins late with a dead phone, so I arrive at the arranged place he wasn't there

So I raced home to plug my phone in and got accused of not answering the phone to him! It was dead! Angry and he thought 'I'd decided he can't see the kids anyone' Hmm 15 fucking mins! Why am I painted as the nasty cow he left me! Angry

Dad of the fucking year over there Hmm
Just feel I took one step forward two back today Sad

OP posts:
Gfplux · 29/01/2015 19:53

Cinders, congratulations, you are doing wonderfully.
Don't you just love strong, sensible women.

MaMaof04 · 29/01/2015 20:13

Dear Cinders, No worry- the emotions are like a pendulum- they swing one way and then the other- for no apparent reason- but their swings eventually narrow down until some equilibrium is reached.
I still have my setbacks. I might get up feeling fine but by the time I go to bed things have gone down the hill. Sometimes I feel like if I felt when he just disclosed to me the affair...But that is fine. I know that this might happen and I have something at hand that I like to do to counter these feelings (I like lying down with a book...Easy peasy). Of course sometimes I cant just lye down (kids- jobs- life continue as usual...)
Sometimes I do disappear from MN- that is because I am very busy and because TBH ruminating does not help. However I do come every so often to try and help. MN helped me a lot.

I am happy that the kids are OK- great credit to you! 12 points. Congratulate yourself for this- you so deserve big hugs and big congratulations!
The accusations: well something any deranged character do: accuse you when he is clearly at fault. Accusations are the best self-defense they say and they are right.
Now what I used to do is to try to learn from these negative situations how to react in the future to similar situations:
1- You were late- so what? especially now given your emotions. At this stage I was barely able to recall the simplest commitment.
2- Your phone did not work: next time try to ask s.o. to let you use their phone for a call- people are nicer than what we usually tend to think- especially the young ones. Can you try to have with you the charger at all time? There are public places where you can reload them. Of course try to keep the phone on at all time.
3- Explain your H about what happened (ignore his accusations- difficult? OK so oil your language with f* words if that helps).
I like all your little emoticons. The two step backward will allow you to take bigger leaps in the future with greater faith...Good Night! I am glad you appeared back on MN. I worried a bit.

WellWhoKnew · 30/01/2015 00:07

I'm afraid he feels 'obligated' to loathe you in order to justify his own abhorrent behaviour (he will be faultless in his own mind). It's horrific and very hurtful, but you focus on being nice to you. Take care.