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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do your workmates keep in touch when you are off work

42 replies

whatisforteamum · 25/01/2015 18:09

Just that really.I booked 2 weeks off by mistake but had to use them up.No one said have a nice break but with Dad so ill after chemo maybe they thought it best not too.
I am a bit of a workaholic so apart from my family do not know many people.I did have plans to meet 2 girls which was shelved as I was cooking for Dad.Then I got a really bad cold which knocked me sideways for a week.
I go back tomorrow and haven't seen or heard from anyone much. Everyone is lovely and kind to me at work so is this normal ? Just wondered.

OP posts:
HearMyRoar · 25/01/2015 18:12

I wouldn't expect to hear from work people when I'm on leave and it wouldn't cross my mind to contact them unless we had a friendship outside of work.

It sounds like you are looking for deeper friendship here then the usual working relationship.

pdxs · 25/01/2015 18:13

I think it's normal not to be in touch with workmates during time off... feels like a mental break so nothing to take personally

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 25/01/2015 18:14

Nope, not unless they need something!

SwedishEdith · 25/01/2015 18:21

No, the only workmates who contact me outside of the office are actual friends who I happen to work with.

Wrapdress · 25/01/2015 18:22

I only hear from work mates while out if I have developed an outside of work relationship with them. Currently I have none of these so when I am out, I hear nothing. My friends who would have kept me updated on the goings-on in the office have all left the company. I am developing new friends now and I am almost to the point where we can text outside of work. It's a gradual thing. I much prefer to become "outside of work" friends with select co-workers than keep work and the rest of my life separate.

Azquilith · 25/01/2015 18:23

I would think it was weird if I heard from work colleagues whilst I was off to be honest.

MaeMobley · 25/01/2015 18:24

A yes here but we are friends on Facebook & I have my work emails (I have 2 PT jobs) on my phone so respond to emails when I am on holiday in any case.

But your OP does not sound unusual.

Selks · 25/01/2015 18:29

Unless your workmates are friends with you outside of work normally, I can't see why you would expect contact from them when you are on leave. I think the opposite normally applies - work colleagues do not get in touch with people when they are on leave because they are likely to not welcome work related contact. When I am on leave the last thing I want is anything that reminds me of work....I need that mental break.

That said, if someone is off work sick for a long time and I get on with them at work I will send a text - just one usually - to say 'thinking of you, hope you get well soon' type of thing.

Sounds like you just found yourself at an unexpected loose end when you were off and found it odd. Maybe building up your life outside of work - friendship networks etc would help, in a general sense.

elsabelle · 25/01/2015 18:30

No, i've learned just recently that (with 1 or 2 exceptions) work friends are not real friends. Even if you've worked there for years and are going through an extremely hard time - do not expect anyone to give a shit!!! Ha, can you tell i'm bitter ;-)

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 25/01/2015 18:50

Thanks for the replies,very interesting.They do all socialise out of work on mon eve while im on the late shift.Everyone is much younger than me and im not a party girl.
I guess when the family who owned the business sold up it was no longer one big family unit.
So I really need to make an effort to make friends in RL and not let them down by working lots of extra shifts.
No more hemming trousers,messaging good luck to workers on facebook or general doling out paracetamol ,tissues or hugs when they need them.
I did jokingly say to a young girl yrs back..im your work colleague not your friend ha ha what goes around comes around eh.

OP posts:
BolshierAyraStark · 25/01/2015 18:52

Only the ones I like & would see outside of work.

AnyFucker · 25/01/2015 18:52

christ, no

tribpot · 25/01/2015 18:57

I would definitely not hear from work friends if they thought I was away on holiday, I mean not at home.

I would be unlikely to hear from anyone who wasn't a good friend even if they knew I was just at home, as most people don't want to be intrusive or make you feel like they're opening the door for a work conversation.

I would contact them if I wanted to natter, however - just I think that regular office etiquette dictates not contacting people when they're on leave.

HicDraconis · 25/01/2015 19:00

Have just been on leave for a month and had no contact from work colleagues aside from receiving work related emails. I'm friends with several of them outside work too! Nothing unusual and didn't particularly bother me - they had no reason to contact me while I was off.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 25/01/2015 19:01

I guess it makes my descision whether to get another job or spend time looking after mum and Dad easier as I thought I would miss the support when they do pass away and I thought it maybe a huge mistake to leave after 11 yrs.

OP posts:
invisiblecrown · 25/01/2015 19:02

Nope. Off work, don't want to think about work!

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 25/01/2015 19:09

Am I the only one who loves to get to work? Surely not.

OP posts:
tribpot · 25/01/2015 19:10

I don't think not contacting you whilst you're on leave is indicative of them not being supportive in a time of bereavement. (Although I wouldn't have high hopes of a bunch of quite young people, to be honest).

invisiblecrown · 25/01/2015 19:12

Am I the only one who loves to get to work? Surely not.

No you are not. I LOVE my job, but it is not my whole identity. I indulge other parts of me when I am off work, and find the change very peaceful.

purpleponcho · 25/01/2015 19:15

The ones who are more like friends might have been giving you some space, knowing you need a break.

Tbh I never contact my colleagues outside work, apart from an administrator who shares jokes with me on Facebook.

KouignAmann · 25/01/2015 19:17

So are you okay OP? You sound a bit alone

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 25/01/2015 19:31

well I am trying to sort out where I stand in life
.My family have always said I put my job first and have missed birthdays,weddings easter,xmas as im a chef and we badly needed the money.Dh worked all week plus sat too for yrs.
Then MUM and Dad were told they had terminal cancer and reminded me I have no life out of work.
Then Dh had a heart attack so I took on more work as he dropped some hrs quite rightly.Now Dad is quite ill.
Guess I never realised how little support I had before.So far I have only thought of keeping the kids going and getting money for their clothes and dinner money etc.

OP posts:
GotToBeInItToWinIt · 25/01/2015 19:48

I think you might be taking this a little too hard. There's no reason to stop being supportive, messaging good luck to them on Facebook or to stop doling at the paracetamol at work. That's all fairly normal for a work relationship. I had lots of work friends and was happy to share all sorts with them at work, provide moral support etc. After all, they're the people you generally spend the most time with! However as PP's have said, when you're not at work most people would assume that you have plans/are busy/want a break from work and everyone there. It's entirely normal not to be contacted by your colleagues, even if they are friends.

Sounds like you're going through a tough time with your dad's illness and that may be causing you to feel low and take things to heart. Please don't feel that because you didn't hear from them that they don't care about you.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 25/01/2015 20:14

Thanksgottobe I guess you are right.
Which is why I never take too long off work ha ha.
There is nothing like the impending passing of both parents to drag you down into over analysing things.Just wish I had taken up offers to go out with them all than dash home to help kids with their homework or do the ironing.I am usually happy in my own company so maybe I am expecting too much

OP posts:
Nerf · 25/01/2015 20:18

Come and find us on Jillys Book Club if you fancy chatting with people who feel a bit the same. Facebook.