Do your workmates keep in touch when you are off work

[whatisforteamum]

Just that really.I booked 2 weeks off by mistake but had to use them up.No one said have a nice break but with Dad so ill after chemo maybe they thought it best not too.
I am a bit of a workaholic so apart from my family do not know many people.I did have plans to meet 2 girls which was shelved as I was cooking for Dad.Then I got a really bad cold which knocked me sideways for a week.
I go back tomorrow and haven't seen or heard from anyone much. Everyone is lovely and kind to me at work so is this normal ? Just wondered.

I agree with what GotToBeInItToWinIt said, above.
Try not to take it to heart that you weren't contacted by anyone at work, it's just not what most people do unless they're close friends. They may still think highly of you.
Sounds like all of this has opened your eyes to the balance of things in your life, and maybe you've been neglecting certain areas a little bit, such as socialising with non-work friends. You work very hard, and have had a difficult time with your Dad's illness, so you've had a lot on your plate.
Try to be kind to yourself, and don't rush into decisions, but you can take a bit of time to think about you, and what your needs and wants might be.

I would feel bad about messaging a work colleague if I thought they were on holiday, it would just feel like an intrusion as it should be a physical and mental break from workplace. Young people aren't always the best at knowing what to do when a parent is ill as its only once you go through it you realise how awful it is. Hope you are feeling better. I'm sure they will all be glad to have you back and will have missed you

Oh OP i really sympathise. I recently lost my Mum and had a bad break up. Maybe somewhat unrealistically i thought i would get a lot more love and support from colleagues then i did. Its been a steep and painful learning curve. I have had to realise that i am projecting somewhat (if thats the right word). Its not their fault that i feel the way i do and it is hard for others to fully empathise with what we are going through if they havent experienced it themselves. This may be even more the case in your situation if lots of your colleagues are young - they wont have any experience of ageing parents, a partners health problems etc.

Doesnt mean it doesnt hurt though. Try to take work for what it is, still enjoy it and enjoy their company but also cultivate other friendships so that work isnt your everything - easier said than done i know, especially when youve got lots going on.

when I was im my 20s I had no idea about serious illnesses apart from when I had an ED.I suspect I thought older people like me where prepared to lose their Dads.In theory I am but it doesn't make it easier to witness his suffering or Mums as her cancer cant be cured.
I need to support the teens through exams and job hunting while I make baby steps to get out and meet people.This is tricky with shift work though but onwards and upwards and thank you everyone for replying. :)

Plus naughtily I have answered their calls when I have been out or off and dashed back to work as I would consider myself a good team player,perhaps that should stop.

Elsabelle I am so sorry about your Mum and a break up too.Even the 30 yr old I work with is single so no clue about kids mortgages etc.I understand it is not their fault I am in this situation and try not to bring them down.I hope you found some support in RL. x

Actually, yes. I usually get a few texts during the evenings or weekends. They're usually not work related though, just chit chat or laughing about something that happened during the day.

I am lucky to have made a few good friends at work though. It's not always possible but lots of us are like minded.

I'm sorry about your parents, op. It sounds as though you have an awful lot on your plate

Thanks carlywurly I usually get by with the chit chat or fb messages.I do know the manager has told the head chef he has to be less "friendly".It is my own fault working hard to secure my job then spending all my freetime sorting out the kids.Obviously being twice most peoples ages makes it trickier.
Also not being off on key occasions has meant missing out on family events although we needed the money so I don't mind.

I have just returned back to my old workplace where they saw me go through quite a bit with my parents. I don't have any immediate work colleagues on FB, but I have babysat for a few of them, and when I was going through crap, there was always someone to listen. When stuff was going on with them, I would be a friendly ear too.

I am on leave this week, the guys in the office know I'm staying at home, and I don't expect to hear from any of them.

With the job I've returned to, there are a number of colleagues who are my age or slightly older, who I've been very well able to relate to, whereas in the other job, I was the older, more experienced member of staff, and at times the office seemed more like a social club!

I think if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't expect too much from your work colleagues - you are already stretched for time, but perhaps you could find something outside of work and home which has peers of similar age & life experiences - volunteering perhaps?

I love my work but work is work, personal is personal.

I have made a small number of friends for life through work. In each case, the friendship only became what I would call a proper friendship after we stopped working together but made an effort to socialise after moving on because we saw that we might be good friend material.

I don't like the idea of my personal friends also being day to day work colleagues.

You definitely need to meet some people your own age with similar life set ups.

Is there a "chefs with teenage families" support group somewhere? If not, maybe you should start one.

I think if you had colleagues of a more similar age you'd get more support but I don't think not hearing from them means anything. I only get in touch with colleagues occasionally if they are out of the office, the ones I've been in touch with most are those who I line manage if they are off sick for more than a week/have a family issue that has necessitated the leave. That's mainly to manage the return to work. For normal annual leave I wouldn't bother them because I know when to expect them back and I want to give them a break. I only have one work friend who I see regularly out of work, we shared an office or five years and now our kids are at school together so we share more than being work colleagues.

Reading your title, I assumed you meant if you were off, sick yourself, for several weeks or even months.
If I've read it right though - you've booked a couple of weeks off ?
In which case, no, I'd never expect colleagues to be contacting me when I wasn't in work.
I enjoy work, and get on very well with all my colleagues, but work is work, and home life is home life, unless you have gradually built a stronger friendship / relationship over time, with someone you happen to work with.

I realised last night my previous bosses were all older than me by 12 yrs and had had kids and aging parents.Another woman with 4 kids left earlier last yr.This explains why I feel a little isolated.I should've made an effort to go to one girls wedding.I don't really like large groups and prefer one on one meet ups.Also the kids don't need me for the school run twice a day now.I always dashed about so when I was off I was glad of the peace and quiet.

I am not sure I have time to volunteer at the mo tbh although if I had regular freetime I would do it.I get tues off but after 7am wake up mon then chores then 11-11 or later shift I am too tired for much on tue as it is v busy come spring summer.Food for thought though no pun intended.
I think 2015 will be huge changes for me.

I love the "chefs with teenagers" support group ha ha.Mostly chefs are male although I do work with a single woman at the mo.the lastdecade I have met predominantly single 20 something guys whose life outside of work revolves around alcohol.
The good thing is they are a fun bunch.The job is local too which is good when you finish at midnight.

I think that it's bad form to contact people from work when they are on holiday.

We were told we had to give our mobile no so we could be contacted.(not sure this meant hols though).Just before xmas someone rang my mobile 16 times.I didn't respond and pointed out I was visiting Dad.They apologised.My mobile packed in and I have no intention of replacing it.I don't earn v much at all so shouldn't be on call.