Feeling quite low to be honest with DW

[dadtryinghisbest]

Not sure what I'm trying to achieve with this post. Perhaps I'm just getting things off my chest, perhaps I'm hoping for lots of sympathy, perhaps I really want someone to tell me the below is just normal...

Have three young children with my long term wife. We had them late, and it's been challenging for us all. We are in a good place now, but a few years ago we were in the eye of the storm so to speak....trying to move house, and everything related to this, as well as having children. Everyone tried their best, and we've eventually come out good.

However I've discovered that my DW - whom I love so much it hurts, and whom I desperately want to be accepted by - has been low-level griping about me to a bunch of women via social media. They talk about their husbands reasonably negatively, and share intimate information...

During this time I have been working so hard, I have let all my friends go - and certainly would feel terrible anyhow talking to others about my DW negatively...

So now I suddenly feel really really low, and lonely. It feels like it's me against a group of women.....and I feel I'm slightly estranged from my DW..

I remember when in my first ante-natal group the conversation turning to how men might expect their other half to get angry with them during labour (which shocked me)...and to be honest it feels like it's been that way ever since...

To summarise, I felt we were a close couple,...and suddenly it feels like I've been regarded as the enemy these past few years...

Not sure how seriously to take this...

We don't actually know what she's supposed to have said. There'd be a world of difference between 'how many times do I have to remind him to close the bedroom door so the dog doesn't get on the bed' and 'he's crap in bed, has a tiny penis & won't change what brand of bread we buy unless he checks with his mother first'.

'Low level griping' could be anything. Could be buying the wrong milk.

why such nastiness towards OP?

I do think that low level griping is fairly normal, if unkind.
I used to do it but stopped when my sister pointed it out.

I'd tell her you know about it and that you don't like it .

Someone else said children change dynamics and they do. You've both been demoted whilst DC take precedent. Maybe this is threatening you more than you think. As others have said low level griping can be relatively harmless but the intimate comment suggests more to it.

For those saying he should talk to his wife I suspect the nub of this is that he's shocked she didn't but chose to gripe to friends.

I wouldn't bitch about friends behind their back. I certainly wouldn't do that about someone I loved. But she's probably lost sight of what she is doing.

Sorry you're feeling so low about it all. I wouldn't necessarily feel too good if DH did that. Having said that, after feeling bad and angry i would probably try to balance things out and put them into context. Perhaps it is her way to get a few things off her chest in order to protect your relationship...
I also think you should let her in on how low and sad you are feeling as im certain she won't be indifferent.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

PS ignore the angry females on here

If a woman came on here and complained about this behaviour from her DH I don't think many of you would be calling her a drip or giving her biscuits. You would give the same advice as I'm going to give now, which is: Bitching about you behind your back is unacceptable and you need to call her on it.

It's understandable you feel upset. If you wouldn't mind could you expand on the 'low-level griping' a bit more?

angry females

Better that then braindead handmaiden

oops, forgot the

....and at least one angry male (thnakfully had the sense to leave the thread).

OP you said things were tough for a while...maybe your wife hasn't got over that as well as you assumed and instead of burdening you, she lets off steam with her friends online. But unless you actually TALK to her, you won't know.

And angry females? No wonder your pseudonym is Minimens.

Post and run OP?

Has any of this been at all useful to you, OP?

Silly assumptions about my username...there are a lot of angry females (in my view) who seem to be u necessarily abusive to the few men who come on here for support and advice.

I am a female and thats why i find this sort of attitude disgusting.

Back to the topic I really hope you get tamk to DW she might have no idea how you feel and you might discover a lot about she feels also.

Good luck Xx

Minimens, where do you think the op might have disappeared to ?

He doesn't seem to be much appreciating your nonjudgemental and unwavering support

...and for today's surprise, the OP doesn't return to the thread.

whonoo ?

AF why are you commenting on this thread? You are not helping the op and have shown nothing but distain toward him. You are simply picking fights with posters who are trying to help.? It is odd behaviour.
I thought Mumsnet was a forum to help people not to insult them.

Perhaps the OP is genuine and came here for support, and hasn't returned because the first page and a half of the thread were nothing but insults?
Perhaps the OP is a troll making mischief?
Perhaps both active troll hunting and personal insults are against MN policy?

"don't be wet" is sterling advice in the circumstances

you may not agree

I think we've digressed so much trying to mediate things that he didn't see much point in returning to his thread

No it isn't. You don't know what he is going through.
Your advice is far from 'sterling'. It is rude and unnecessary . Why say anything at all if you think he is wet?

(thankfully you didn't say 'man up' but I think that's what you meant)

let me refer you back to my post of 16:17, second paragraph

OP, I'm sorry you are feeling low and you came on here to get called 'wet' and shit.

Men posting problems on here rarely goes down well. I have no idea why they get the reception they do on here but it happens time again. It's sad, especially as many of the same posters would never treat a woman that way.

Really, the only thing you can do it talk to your wife. You need to tell her how you feel and sort it out with her.

And no one knows this is a wind up. It may well be but he may also be genuine.

I personally prefer to report the thread and keep out if I think someone might be a troll so I don't end up being an arse to someone who might be genuine.