why do some people repeat the same patterns in relationships?

[dontcallnotdating]

Just pondering. I don't think I've ever had a truly equal relationship where both parties reciprocated evenly. I have also had some very similar relationships which were very intense and quickly extinguished.

Why does this happen? If you've had one abusive relationship, it seems you are more likely to have another. Others attract players and liars. Some people seem to walk into a relationship that is perfect for them. It doesn't seem to be to do with physical appearance - more high self esteem perhaps?

I am not asking this for myself, at least not yet, as I'm taking time away from dating. But I suppose, deep down, I feel I don't have what it takes to build a successful, happy relationship. I wonder what it is that makes people repeat negative relationship patterns over and over.

Another reason why I'm reluctant to enter into a relationship is because of my mental health issues. I am receiving treatment but I've had depression virtually my whole life and it's never going to go away. Living with a depression sufferer is tough, I find living with myself hard so god knows how other people feel. I get quite agoraphobic, in my last relationship we didn't go out a huge amount as I made a lot of excuses. He didn't seem to mind but I'm sure he would have got fed up eventually. I don't see why other people should suffer because of my problems.

This is really interesting. I have a lovely friend I've known for 15 years and she chooses disrespectful/controlling/criminal men over and over again. She moves them in very quickly and has a child with them, then it goes horribly wrong. She has five now and years of sympathy and gently suggesting she stop dating don't make any difference. She could be amazing, she is so capable and strong, but so much of her life is dragged down by the drama. I don't know whether to hug her or shake her. she's done the Freedom programme and is talking about doing it again.

Interesting thread. I am at the stage now where I honestly believe I will be single for the rest of my life. Its not a happy thought. Yes some people are happy on their own but I would far rather be in a happy relationship. Sadly my relationships are repeatedly unhappy. So like you OP I am now on a long term break from dating/scouting (sorry about the use of scouting but it fits ) I just can't afford to repeat my old patterns..
I'm quite attractive. I'm fun to be around with my girlfriends. I'm flawed but in the main I am a good friend. What's not to like?
What's 'wrong' with me?