I've been in therapy and it has prompted discussion of our relationship. I very much feel alone and unsupported, no major problems otherwise right now. I have terrible depression and have been very withdrawn. I can be hot tempered but actually I'm much more aware and in control if this - it's a big warning sign of bad depression for me and I only fully accepted I had depression after having my second child. I was very angry and depressed when I met my husband so he knew how bad I could be and I'm a lot calmer and more careful. I didn't want a relationship initially but he pushed hard and I caved. He said he had premonitions of us marrying and having kids after only a short time after meeting. He proposed after eight months too, although we waited to marry, well we married a little quicker due to an unplanned pregnancy. We had a tough time with his family and I've never forgiven them, for their reaction to the pregnancy, prior to that they were very supportive.
I saw my therapist yesterday and had a bit of a breakthrough. It boils down to people projecting on me by using my insecurities/low self worth. I have a history of being the black sheep/scapegoat. I know my husband doesn't like me, he acts like I'm an awful person so is perpetuating my self hatred. Some of his views I suspect come from his family, his sister who really doesn't know me but accuses me of being controlling when I'm not - she was very controlling and manipulative according to DH, whereas he'd never allow me to boss him around, partly his baggage from a previous relationship where he was bossed around and manipulated too.
I'm also suffering with chronic pain and mobility problems caused by my second pregnancy/birth. I had surgery a few months ago and haven't had the relief I'd hoped. I know he's fed up of picking up the slack with housework and childcare. He works full time so I do most of the childcare, I gave up work as nursery was too expensive. My eldest is in school so I am considering how to get back to work.
Our mortgage is low and we live in London so I think it's best for me to stay here with the kids and DH to look at a flat share to make it work financially. He wants to sell and buy two separate flats. I'm pretty sure he can't make me agree to sell, both names on mortgage, and the courts usually allow the main carer to stay in the family home. He disagrees. He's also not going to change his mind. I'm obviously devastated but have yet told anyone, I just want to know that I can at least stay. If he make me move I will have to move away, probably near family and away from school and DH, or can he stop me doing this?