Letters etc from past relationship

[notthatgirlanymore]

I was sorting out some things the other day and came across some photos/letters from a very old relationship.

Rereading the letters received made me look at things from a different perspective and with wisdom I can still there were several red flags.

Foolishly though I've contacted ex and asked if he still had his letters. I'd love to read them. He has and he has photos too. Some of which are mildly explicit.

I'm thinking of meeting in order to get this back if possible. He's not likely to have copied them and I'd feel more comfortable if I had them and disposed of.

Am I just overrthinking this and opening up a massive can of worms? Meeting him would be tricky yet in some respects I think it would rebalance the power inequalities that were in out relationship.

Don't go there. Shred them and pour wine to celebrate.

I don't think it would be a good idea to meet up with him.

Trooper.... I don't have his to shred!

Looking into your heart and being totally honest, why do you want to meet him? Is it really about getting the letters?

Bluestocking. Yes I really want the photos back mainly. Letters would be interesting too. I'd also like to show him how different and successful ( not hugely but more than I'd ever have been with him) I am now.

I'm also aware that in years to come I don't want anyone else clearing out his stuff and finding them. I could trust my OH with my stuff to dispose!

I think contacting him was quite an odd thing to do.

do you have a current partner?

have you told him/her?

would you take them with you?

Couldn't he just post them to you ?

you want to "show him how you look now" ?

This won't end well

I think as long as you are absolutely honest with yourself for contacting him, then go ahead. Right now, I don't believe that you are; and I am not saying you are lying deliberately.

Ive told my current partner and he understands. He's also OK for me to go for a coffee. In fact I asked if he wanted to come. Why would I want to do that. I don't like coffee was his typical jokey reply. He's not threatened.

Don't want them posted as he doesn't have new address. Nor do I trust him with it.

Anyfucker. Purely that I have done OK. Not vanity. I'm overweight!

I think you are going to regret opening that can of worms. You shouldn't have contacted him, the letters you sent are his, not yours (though they were a bit explicit but that is the sort of things you put down to experience and forget about it.

Meeting about the letters seems like you are trying to rekindle the relationship, sorry. But even if you don't, he can obviously see it like that. I think you have just managed to catapult something no longer important in your past crassly into the bright spot in the present.

Oh god, he has some explicit material, that you want back and you cannot trust him enough to send him your address?

Talk about happily walking into problems, what if he refuses to give them back? Once that he know how much you want the letters you are on his hands. Can you trust him not to put them in facebook? If not, cancel the meeting with a good excuse and let the things rest.

Im sorry but if an ex - from a very old relationship - so I'm guessing 20 yrs back or so - asked for their letters, photos, poems, whatever back, I would think they were nuts.

I think this is strange. Surely letters you gave him and his photos are his. If an ex contacted me I would just tell them I didn't have them (if I had them or not)

Thinking about it the photos clearly can't be that bad. I wasn't that stupid. If anything I looked a lot better than then I did now! If anything he should be worried due to my age/ vulnerability at the time.

I'm just aware that as time passes he lives alone. I actually wonder who would sort things through when he's dead and gone.

I don't want him to have my address. He was a big drinker. He uses to be abusive. I wouldn't stand for it now. He'd be in a cell.

And I was nuts to ask if he still had them I agree. Curiosity and foolish. Regretting it already.

Are you saying the photos are explicit and you are worried about that?

Whoever eventually sorts out his stuff is very, very unlikely to be remotely interested in your letters and photos, unless you have a public profile.

Mildly explicit.

No not public profile. Who knows where future will take me though. Which is why I suppose I want to deal with it now rather than worry in future. Does that make sense.

Cancel and forget about it. I doubt very much that he won't take your approaching him as an open invitation to rekindle what you had. He lives alone, has a drinking problem and is abusive.

You may want to show him you are now a stronger woman who wouldn't put up with his being abusive, but really, there is no need on setting the things straight this late.

The letters are more a WTF was I thinking kind of read..

no

Anacoreta you give good advice. If anything I feel sorry for him as these days I'm surrounded by lovely people.

You still have feelings for him, you're not over him. Seems you've used the letters as an excuse to meet up, most people would have read them, reminisced for a short while, then binned them and not given them or him another thought.

It's really not about getting the letters back, as you said earlier it's about showing him you now, you're not over him and this won't end well.