Letters etc from past relationship

[notthatgirlanymore]

I was sorting out some things the other day and came across some photos/letters from a very old relationship.

Rereading the letters received made me look at things from a different perspective and with wisdom I can still there were several red flags.

Foolishly though I've contacted ex and asked if he still had his letters. I'd love to read them. He has and he has photos too. Some of which are mildly explicit.

I'm thinking of meeting in order to get this back if possible. He's not likely to have copied them and I'd feel more comfortable if I had them and disposed of.

Am I just overrthinking this and opening up a massive can of worms? Meeting him would be tricky yet in some respects I think it would rebalance the power inequalities that were in out relationship.

I don't see a problem with it if you meet in town, somewhere busy. You've already stirred the sleeping giant, you might as well get the letters and photos if you want them. Just make sure he doesn't flow you later on. Perhaps ask your partner to meet you there after half an hour (ask, not invite).

I wouldn't meet or mention the photos.

Meeting and getting in contact shows what he thinks is important to you despite the years.

Chances are he's firgotten the photos and you and you'll just be reminding he has them.

Why are you giving him (and your past) so much headspace if you're happy where you are now?

I think you should keep it firmly behind you and move on. You are definitely overthinking it and it's unhealthy to dwell on stuff like this. Not exactly good for your current relationship either.

Chipping like you said the sleeping giant been stirred. Foolish or otherwise. I'll arrange to meet nearer him and have DP nearby. Problem is he will have children but hey we visit that place a lot. I do want the photos. I trust he will give them. Letters less interested in retaining and no wish to go through them with him there so won't even ask for.

I was naive and stupid to contact him. The letters I had put me back in that place. Its done Now. Can't undo it and berating myself for doing so is pointless.

I am confused as to your motives and if I was your ex I wouldn't meet you.

Botanic. Good point. I never really addressed the period in my life where this relationship took place. Several years on after crazy crazy stresses of life has subsided I have time to do so. Im in a quiet calm place and these things have resurfaced as well as opportunities such as time to sort through belongings ignored in storage. I actually want to reflect on the past to understand what it was that drove me into that kind of relationship. This is partly due to my upbringing and I want to ensure I don't repeat the same mistakes with my children.

if I was your current partner I would be confused too

Next Wednesday . it was his suggestion to met. I Never expressed the desire to.

Anyfucker fortunately my current partner knows me and doesn't need to feel confused

You can see the red flags that were there in the past when you've read thru the letters with hindsight, but you can't see the red flags waving right now in front of your face.

Out of all of the responses on here saying no, don't meet him, you've grasped onto the only one that says yeah, go ahead. If you really want those letters and pictures back there are several ways to get them that don't involve you meeting with this guy or giving your address out.

You can't undo contacting him, that's already done, but you're determined to meet up with him, aren't you? You should really examine your motives closely and honestly.

If I were your partner I'd be a little bit miffed but also quite concerned for you and concerned about where this was headed tbh.

clean lines.

What other ways are there? Genuinely interested. It would save me meeting him. I have no real interest in coffee to be honest!

Off out in a minute. Not ignoring just normal life!

Get your partner or a friend to go meet him and collect the letters.

Ask him to post them, addressed to you, to your parents/siblings/a mutual friend's address.

It wouldn't go for the first. I think Im the pull to be honest.

Second ones a possibility.

you are "the pull" ?

you are just after drama, aren't you ? Your settled relationship and lifestyle just a bit too humdrum for you, is it ?

I really hope this doesn't blow up in your face. I can see it coming, lots of respondents here can

why take the risk ? for what ?

Agree with AF. Sounds like OP needs an ego stroke. I feel for her poor partner who has to look ok with this bizarre situation or he might get it in the neck from her?

OP, let it go.

Yes anyfucker. I'm the pull. I think he'd give me what I want and he'd be happy to see how I'm doing. I actually don't have any friends/ family who I could use an address of.

Sophrosyne My DP is more than capable of voicing his opinion whether its one he thinks I like or otherwise.

He's also be there when I've bumped into exes in shops. Its what you do when you live in small towns isn't it?

You trust your Ex enough for him not to copy the photos but not enough to destroy them. You trust your Ex enough to meet him for a coffee but not enough to give him your address to post the photos to.

I'm not sure of your motives but getting the photos back sounds like a plausible excuse, rather than the reason.

"Botanic. Good point. I never really addressed the period in my life where this relationship took place. Several years on after crazy crazy stresses of life has subsided I have time to do so. Im in a quiet calm place and these things have resurfaced as well as opportunities such as time to sort through belongings ignored in storage. I actually want to reflect on the past to understand what it was that drove me into that kind of relationship. This is partly due to my upbringing and I want to ensure I don't repeat the same mistakes with my children."

OP just because you have time to do so, doesn't mean that you should . I know what its like to sort through belongings that have been ignored and its natural to reflect on the past and question why we were in such relationships (upbringing etc).

However, that is a far cry from actually contacting this ex from the past and meeting up with them. If you are in a quiet, calm place now that is good - can't you take comfort in that. I don't think you need to meet with your ex to ensure you don't repeat the same mistakes with your own children.