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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Asked my 16 YO daughters to dial 999 on my behalf

43 replies

mylifeisapileofshite · 22/01/2015 01:06

Been with husband (and father to the 2 DC) for 18 years. I have been terrorised and beaten up throughout. I am a shit mother. I wish I had never met him. My daughters love me and would love to be elsewhere (just us three , they are now 16)

Problem is I have no savings. I have no job. I have been a SAHM since 2006. I have no family to lean on nor friends . ? /

Any ideas where I go from here? He is currently down in the basement on the playstation. When he comes back upstairs it probably will be the case of totally ignoring me or giving me a pasting. I have already got my pillow and and blanket in readiness for sleeping on the couch. My darling twins have said they will not come through to the kitchen again tonight (have to come through lounge to access kitchen)

Every time I hear him make a noise - like a cough = I feel scared.

It's not normal.

But I have no-one nor no-where to go.

OP posts:
NoArmaniNoPunani · 22/01/2015 01:09

Can you speak to women's aid? You and your DDs need to get out of there.

RandomNPC · 22/01/2015 01:10

If you feel that you are at risk now, phone the police on 999.

RandomNPC · 22/01/2015 01:11

Women's aid : 08082000247

Tipsykisses · 22/01/2015 01:11

Can you ring women's aid or the police op ?
Has he hurt you tonight ?
If you tell the police he's done it before and you frightened they will come .
You should not be sat scared in your own home with your children Sad

Teeb · 22/01/2015 01:12

I'm so sorry this abuse has been happening to you. Does he go to work in the morning? Take your pillow and blanket and Go to your daughters room, and put a chair/bedside table infront of the door so he can't get in. In the morning phone women's aid and the police. Please don't live another day as someone's punching bag.

TanteRose · 22/01/2015 01:12

so sorry you are having to live like this Sad

when you say you have asked them to phone 999, are you anticipating that he will beat you up so you can't phone yourself? that is appalling

please phone 24 hour helpline on WomensAid

www.womensaid.org.uk/

they will be able to give advice
Flowers

RandomNPC · 22/01/2015 01:12

www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/

friendofsadgirl · 22/01/2015 01:14

www.refuge.org.uk/
Have a look here. I hope you find the help you and your DC need. Flowers

RandomNPC · 22/01/2015 01:15

From the Refuge site:

If you’re still living with your abuser, think about how to protect yourself and your children:

Be ready to call 999 if you or your children are in danger
Make notes of abusive incidents, including times, dates, names and details of injuries – these can be important if you need to access legal and welfare rights
Keep some money and a set of keys in a safe place
Find out about your legal and housing rights – talk to a solicitor
Keep copies of important papers (passports, birth certificates, court orders, marriage certificate) in a safe place
Carry a list of emergency numbers: police, relatives, friends, Refuge
Tell someone you trust about the abuse
Make calls from a phone box or a friend’s house
Report any injuries to your GP so there is a record of the abuse
Talk to family and friends about staying with them in an emergency
Think about escape routes

Original poster
mylifeisapileofshite · 22/01/2015 01:18

I phoned WA when the twins were quite young. It was a case of either I was shite at putting across my dilemma or she was shite at listening or empathising. Nothing came of it therefore and I was left in the same situation and thinking that I should put up and shut up

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 22/01/2015 01:24

It's time to try again then! You owe it to yourself and your daughters to act.
None of this is your fault, you are not a shit mother. He has done this to you, and by the sounds of it will continue to do it. Does he also hit the twins?

bunchoffives · 22/01/2015 01:24

That was really unlucky mylife. The local WA people are great and the refuge is lovely, so supportive. They help sort money/houses and give emotional support.

Your DDs can go with you. Why not ring 0808 2000 247 as soon as you can?

If you feel threatened or he starts ring 999 straight away.

RandomNPC · 22/01/2015 01:25

The most important thing is to keep yourself and your kids safe.

RandomNPC · 22/01/2015 01:25

The police are generally much better at dealing with DV than they used to be.

Original poster
mylifeisapileofshite · 22/01/2015 01:31

Phoning the police is a joke. Misogynistic bastards have always took his ide (he is Prince Charming) It's been 'have you been drinking love' = Me "yes I've had a couple of glasses of wine" = them siding with him and dropping him off at his pub of choice (and ignoring my bruises/broken ribs etc) His dad was a PC at the time of this so that probably explains it.

I still don't trust them though.

OP posts:
Original poster
mylifeisapileofshite · 22/01/2015 01:42

basically I don't trust anyone. I've asked WA and I've asked the Police. I have been rebuffed by both agencies ( I acknowledge that WA in particular is overworked - but then so is the Police)

My kids are at the age that I fear that they will hate me forever because I did not make a stand/change on their behalf. They have not voiced this - it is just my paranoia I suppose Sad

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 22/01/2015 01:44

How long is it since you tried the Police? They have specific DV units now.

RandomNPC · 22/01/2015 01:46

There is this thread directly under yours:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2288741-Hes-gone-It-finally-over

RandomNPC · 22/01/2015 01:48

I'll quote the poster on that thread directly, I hope she doesn't mind:

Couldn't fault the police at all, they were so nice. Made me feel comfortable and safe. X

Original poster
mylifeisapileofshite · 22/01/2015 01:51

Random - it's 7 years since I bothered phoning the Police - I phoned them 3 times prior to that and the outcome was always the same so I gave up (FIL was a serving police officer and his offspring could do no wrong)

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 22/01/2015 01:55

If you don't want to call them now, you can call them tomorrow and speak to the DV team?

Redglitter · 22/01/2015 01:59

Things have changed hugely in the past 7 years. PLEASE call the police again. The days of things being influenced by who someone's father is etc have gone. DV is treated very very differently now. The cops who come see you won't give a toss who your fil is

bunchoffives · 22/01/2015 02:02

Or the REfuge? If you are in fear of imminent violence don't you think a refuge would be best for you and DDs? Does he ever go for them?

Original poster
mylifeisapileofshite · 22/01/2015 02:06

Would it make any difference though. My FIL is retired but he was a pretty big fish.. His eldest son is a total twunt but he doesn't appear to care. Strike that last statement - he and MIL definitely don't care.

When my head was shoved through a triple glazed door by The Husband and my head was poring with blood (witnessed by one of my girls = 3 YO at the time). My PIL were more concerned about the HUSBAND than me because they were his parents

OP posts:
bunchoffives · 22/01/2015 02:07

Why are you still with this animal?

Seriously, why?